yousaveme Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Im confused here. Why would a W continue to mention her H'd feelings for the OW? Saying she knows that he loves the OW and misses the OW. If she knows that why stay?
tinktronik Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Some people hold to their word as something to give and not be taken back , their commitment really does mean for better or worse . Sometimes , other life factors such as kids bills jobs and an interweiving of families just makes it the much more difficult choice to leave . there are many reasone to stay and leaving a marrige is never pretty.
Author yousaveme Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 Some people hold to their word as something to give and not be taken back , their commitment really does mean for better or worse . Sometimes , other life factors such as kids bills jobs and an interweiving of families just makes it the much more difficult choice to leave . there are many reasone to stay and leaving a marrige is never pretty. The kids are the factor here. I guess im wondering why she continues bringing up our feelings for eachother, if she wants things to workout for the kids
tinktronik Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 The kids are the factor here. I guess im wondering why she continues bringing up our feelings for eachother, if she wants things to workout for the kids Its a way of asking for reassurance that the feelings are not there, while also remiding herself of the raw deal she's gotten.
Author yousaveme Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 Its a way of asking for reassurance that the feelings are not there, while also remiding herself of the raw deal she's gotten. not sure about the reasurrance part. Since her comments are " I know you miss her", and " I know you love her".
tinktronik Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 not sure about the reasurrance part. Since her comments are " I know you miss her", and " I know you love her". Yep ,she wants you to say "no Honey , I don't miss her or love her ....I love you and our kids and the family we made is the most important thing to me." ---Hey , you wanted the anwser ...thats it.
Author yousaveme Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 Yep ,she wants you to say "no Honey , I don't miss her or love her ....I love you and our kids and the family we made is the most important thing to me." ---Hey , you wanted the anwser ...thats it. And if she says " i know you love her" and " i know you miss her". And dont answer. And its left with no response.
Author yousaveme Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 And if she says " i know you love her" and " i know you miss her". And dont answer. And its left with no response. When the W found out about the A. The H told her he was IN LOVE with me. She has only agreed to try and work things out for the best interest of the kids. Ever since then she continues to mention our feelings for each other. Sometimes i feel like im waiting for her to just say she cant do anymore even for the kids and send him packing
Adunaphel Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Is the affair still going on? In other words, is he really trying to work things out, or is he just feeding her more lies?
tinktronik Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 When the W found out about the A. The H told her he was IN LOVE with me. She has only agreed to try and work things out for the best interest of the kids. Ever since then she continues to mention our feelings for each other. Sometimes i feel like im waiting for her to just say she cant do anymore even for the kids and send him packing Yep , she's left with no responce . If you are the OW and the H is relating these convo's with you then he minght as well still be screwing around .He's not really (right now) interested in making his M work . He's still got the cake mentality . She does indeed wasnt him to make the effort to both honnor his word and the commitment he made with his M vows and the children he created .That does mean giving her and their kids his all.If he's claiming to be trying to work it out but still in contact with you , she is indeed getting a raw deal , b/c he's not putting his family first .Hes putting himself first ,and telling you these convo's as a way to reasure you and keep you hanging in the process of making up his mind .
Author yousaveme Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 Yep , she's left with no responce . If you are the OW and the H is relating these convo's with you then he minght as well still be screwing around .He's not really (right now) interested in making his M work . He's still got the cake mentality . She does indeed wasnt him to make the effort to both honnor his word and the commitment he made with his M vows and the children he created .That does mean giving her and their kids his all.If he's claiming to be trying to work it out but still in contact with you , she is indeed getting a raw deal , b/c he's not putting his family first .Hes putting himself first ,and telling you these convo's as a way to reasure you and keep you hanging in the process of making up his mind . Yes i am the OW. He has said its for the kids ( trying to work it out). She has told him that she knows he is only there for the kids and not for her.
lovernotafighter Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 ever notice though on these boards and others where there is a BS..they say there husband was only in it for the sex...they say it over and over..I just picked a book about male intimacy and any man basically who shares more to another woman than his wife is considered a OW in most womens eyes. I think they really are more conserned with feelings but it's easier to forgive a WS if it was only for 'sex'. the only glimpse my MM's W had of me was I said 'hello,are you around?" on msn..it had my picture...thats it and she flipped out. that was way back in january and to this day she brings up "that girl you talk to on-line" ...she grilled him and grilled about what we talk about,feelings and such, then tells him he can have internet friends..yet this msn girl is on her mind all the time...I don't right get it either.
Adunaphel Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 He is *not* really trying to work it out - sounds like he is more pretending to try to work it out. Why would a W continue to mention her H'd feelings for the OW? Saying she knows that he loves the OW and misses the OW. If she knows that why stay? My guess is that she just wants an answer. She is probably hoping to hear one day that no, he might still have mixed feelings for his OW (you), but he has realized that he has never loved her (you), he was not really in a right state of mind, he did something stupid, and he really, really wants to work things out. If he answered that yes, she still misses you, at least she could call him an a*****e. Btw, he *does* sound like an a*****e. (well, more of an a*****e than the average married guy). He is making a fool of his wife, but he is also stringing you along. He is basically *not* telling you that he loves you, but allowing you to think/assume that he does (with telling him about not answering his wife's questions). Tricky technique.
Author yousaveme Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 He is *not* really trying to work it out - sounds like he is more pretending to try to work it out. My guess is that she just wants an answer. She is probably hoping to hear one day that no, he might still have mixed feelings for his OW (you), but he has realized that he has never loved her (you), he was not really in a right state of mind, he did something stupid, and he really, really wants to work things out. If he answered that yes, she still misses you, at least she could call him an a*****e. Btw, he *does* sound like an a*****e. (well, more of an a*****e than the average married guy). He is making a fool of his wife, but he is also stringing you along. He is basically *not* telling you that he loves you, but allowing you to think/assume that he does (with telling him about not answering his wife's questions). Tricky technique. I have gone without saying i love you to him. Just to see what he would do. And i immediatley get I LOVE YOU, BABY. I wish he would just grow balls sometimes and just leave ( im sorry ) but i do. Im sure this is going to be hard on the kids but i do truly believe that as long as he stays involve with the kids like he does ( sports etc) they will be fine. For god's sake my house is 3 mins from the kids. Its been a month since she found out. She wanted to know what i look like. He decribed me but she has no clue. I dont know what she is thinking....
Adunaphel Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 I have gone without saying i love you to him. Just to see what he would do. And i immediatley get I LOVE YOU, BABY. I wish he would just grow balls sometimes and just leave ( im sorry ) but i do. Im sure this is going to be hard on the kids but i do truly believe that as long as he stays involve with the kids like he does ( sports etc) they will be fine. For god's sake my house is 3 mins from the kids. Its been a month since she found out. She wanted to know what i look like. He decribed me but she has no clue. I dont know what she is thinking.... The problem is not really what she is thinking, but what *he* is thinking, and also what he is telling her, hiding from her, or hiding from you...
tinktronik Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 I have gone without saying i love you to him. Just to see what he would do. And i immediatley get I LOVE YOU, BABY. I wish he would just grow balls sometimes and just leave ( im sorry ) but i do. Im sure this is going to be hard on the kids but i do truly believe that as long as he stays involve with the kids like he does ( sports etc) they will be fine. For god's sake my house is 3 mins from the kids. Its been a month since she found out. She wanted to know what i look like. He decribed me but she has no clue. I dont know what she is thinking.... She's thinking the same thing you are . He's probably telling her very different things than what he's telling you hes saying.
Author yousaveme Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 The problem is not really what she is thinking, but what *he* is thinking, and also what he is telling her, hiding from her, or hiding from you... For what i can gather. He is hiding from her. But trying to keep the peace for the kids. I didnt ask him if she has said anything about me. This all came out of the blue. We were talking and next thing i knew he told me what she said to him this weekend. I did ask him why he was telling me this...All he said was that he thinks she is actually reliezing how strong our feelings are for one another. I said i thought she already knew. He said she did, I told her. Said wanted to work it out for the kids. But he thinks she didnt think after a month it would still be like this. I guess she thought after NC that feelings would go away if they really werent true. Im wondering if she is waiting to see if they did and is thinking about her future with him if he feels like he does with me.
lover's rock Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 It depends on what he is telling her. MM never give the whole story. I learned that the hard way. My H and I would talk about his feelings for the other woman and I knew that he had feelings for her and that he loved her. He also told me in the same breath that he wasn't willing to risk his family to be with her and to be patient with him because he's chosen to work things out with me but needs some time to let this woman go because of his intense feelings. He told me that he told her the same...but he also told me not to be angry with her but to be angry with him because he kind of led her in ignorance (didn't tell her the whole story). You never know what these women are saying. I took nothing for granted. In one breath he'd say that he loved me and was sure we could work it out and in another breath he'd say that he felt trapped by the responsibility of a family. Most MM are two-faced because they are living separate lives with two women. I wouldn't read too much into his comment to you. Who knows what it means? But until the divorce papers are signed they're only words.
lover's rock Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Sorry an edit..."You never know what these MEN are saying."
Guest Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 yousavedme Leave this guy alone. He ain't going no where. Plus NC is not being honored by either of you. Stop lying to yourself. If you were in her shoes, you would ask the same questions. Especially if he's sitting around the house like his best friend just died. He is saying enough to keep you thinking that there is more there. Personally, when a man tells me he loves me (especially with BABY attached to the end), I tell him to prove it with his actions. He's still sneaking in conversations with you, then he still wants to stay married. He's still trying to make his w out to be needy to you, then he stilll wants to stay married. Or he hasn't made up his mind yet. But just like you saying that he only stays for the kids (the biggest lie around) and you trying to make his wife out to be some kind of loser since he didn't really choose her outright. Stop belittling this woman with him. Her pain is real.
Guest Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Im confused here. Why would a W continue to mention her H'd feelings for the OW? Saying she knows that he loves the OW and misses the OW. If she knows that why stay? So you think since she knows that he is in love with someone else she should scoot on out. I find that as a bazaar thought. A marriage is a union which comes in as a investment of feelings & material investments. Although the feelings may hit rock bottom there is still material investment in the marriage and she isn't just going to get up and give it all up so you can sit your butt in the amazing investment accumulated between him and her regardless of his freaken feelings for you. He is either yo yoing her feelings along with your feelings around trying to keep her and you and if not that she is going to stick around long enough to get her investment out of it. The kids, the home rather if it goes to her, him, or they will have to sell it to half up what they got in it, bank accounts cars exc. Then when that is all done and gone for. I am sure she will happily give him to you when he is rock bottom and you can start your blessed life with him.
Author yousaveme Posted September 6, 2006 Author Posted September 6, 2006 im sorry that the few guest that commented might feel like i'm being selfish. I have understood that from the beginning. But please note the pain i feel is real too. Yes, the W is also going through pain of what her H has done behind her back. And i do feel at fault for it also, but at the same timei do believe HIM. I mean at somepoint isnt he telling the truth. Hey MM do lie thats how they and we get involve with them. But there are people that have had their happy ending i guess from these situtations. Again, i'm sorry if my question upset some people.
reneet Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 im sorry that the few guest that commented might feel like i'm being selfish. I have understood that from the beginning. But please note the pain i feel is real too. Yes, the W is also going through pain of what her H has done behind her back. And i do feel at fault for it also, but at the same timei do believe HIM. I mean at somepoint isnt he telling the truth. Hey MM do lie thats how they and we get involve with them. But there are people that have had their happy ending i guess from these situtations. Again, i'm sorry if my question upset some people. I don't think you need to apologize here!
Author yousaveme Posted September 6, 2006 Author Posted September 6, 2006 I don't think you need to apologize here! thanks , i'm always torn between defending my feelings but yet also feeling like i need to be sorry for my involvement with a MM
reneet Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 thanks , i'm always torn between defending my feelings but yet also feeling like i need to be sorry for my involvement with a MM I must be seen as a horrible person. I don't feel bad about my situation. My man left his wife. I didn't cause him to leave.
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