Guest Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Ive been in a committed relationship with my bf for 10 months. We are together everyday. Some days I really love being with him and feel so happy, other days I really dont like him as a person and wonder why im with him. My feelings for him fluctuate all the time. Is this normal? Whats strange though, is that I am really scared/paranoid to lose him, even though im not sure if I want to be with this person. One of the reasons why I feel insecure with him is because he is a very moody and unpredictable. When he is in a bad mood (which is quite often) he is extremely negative and angry about the world, complaining about everything, making fun of everyone. I admit I am quite negative as well, but mostly I am negative about myself because I have low self esteem. He is negative about everything besides himself. Sometimes I feel really uncomfortable when im with him, as though I dont understand him at all. I guess im scared he will hurt me. If someone asked me what do you like about your bf I think I would have to say....he is fun to be with (when he is feeling happy) and we have a good physical connection. I cant really list any qualities such as, "hes smart, hes understanding, he has a good heart, hes hard working.. anything like that. Is that a bad sign? But then if I lose him I would be really sad as well. I like spending time with him and want to be with him...Thats why im really confused. Is it me or is it him? I`ve never had much luck with relationships in the past maybe thats why Im paranoid and over anaylizing everything? I want to feel happy but these thoughts are ruining it.
the_alchemyst Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 A good forum-buddy just shared something with me: the pain over-analyzing things can bring is large. (I already butchered that, did I? ) Anyway, over-analyzing something can be a form of paranoia and insecurity. While analyzing things is great because it shoes your ability to look into things deeper than at face-value, over-analyzing X thing can be a bad thing, because you usually do this when you feel "something's not right" which can be a mild form of paranoia (or insitinct, but if it happens that you are doubting things so much so often to the point where you have to break everything down into miniscule proportions, then I just think it's too excessive). I think it can also be a mild form of insecurity because you are so doubtful--or unsure--about the truthfulness or reality of it all, in relation to others and yourself, that you simply can't take it for what it is and you proceed to analyze and analyze and analyze, and you well, just have to kind of ask yourself why. Anyways, it sounds to me like you're not really in love with this guy. I don't really think you can love anyone whom you think of more negatively than positively. And if you can, then I really don't think it's healthy at all. I think you are comfortable with this guy in the sense that you find comfort in his being there, helping you fend of the loneliness so many people have a hard time fighting. That's why the idea of "him leaving" is scary--you don't want him to go because then you wouldn't have that comfort zone, even if it's not a really good one. It doesn't sound like you're with him because you genuinely love him, but because you are merely comfortable, and that's not enough to build a good and healthy relationship from.
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