KittenMoon Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Oh come on... Why does it always get turned around on ME? We haven't spoken at all in over a month, and then just briefly about an injury of mine. Now he emails to ask how I am, chats a bit, then asks if he should basically just leave me alone. All that "I know you may not want to talk to me but..." blah blah blah. I swear to god.... do they completely forget about the fact that they crush our hearts and abandon us?! I KNEW it was going to be one of those days.
blind_otter Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 It seems to me like you both yearn for each other but keep holding yourselves back.
Author KittenMoon Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 It seems to me like you both yearn for each other but keep holding yourselves back. Even if that were true, and damned if I know at this point, I am not really sure we could give each other what we need/want, y'know? Just dont know. I had a dream last night that someone was telling me he'd come back into my life soon. I laughed cynically, and threw my arms out saying "Well he certainly hasn't shown a lick of interest at all!" And they laughed at me, like they knew something I didn't, and made references to October, and something happening before next May. In fact I remember something like "3 times before next May". Weird huh? Back to real life though- frustrating. I should have expected it... I was almost feeling ok.
blind_otter Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Spooky, dude. I am all into our dreams being the mouthpiece of the subconscious. Here I looked up some of your symbols: Three Three is considered the number of the Holy Trinity and therefore sacred. It is vibrant and alive with hope and possibility. To dream of a three is not in itself significant but must be considered as a whole with the dream, whether or not is religious, etc., and then you will be able to tie it in to get a true reading. Time This is another one of those words that you must consider with the entire dream in mind. If time is of the essence and you are rushed or late this could be a warning not to be caught late for an important appointment. This could also be a fear dream pointing at the fact that you have a real life appointment and you have a fear of oversleeping, in this case the dream is only mirroring your fear. People People most often portrayed in dreams are actually reflections of your own personality traits, provided the dream is not prophetic.These traits are ones that you need to enhance or develop, or if negative, work on eliminating or reducing. You should immediately ask of yourself, what traits do I like, and what traits do I dislike in the characters I dream about? Then look for those traits in yourself. You may be very surprised to find a match up! People in dreams work most commonly to reflect, or mirror important aspects of your personality. You do well to always make this association. I love copy/paste.
littlekitty Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 So you replied to him? Why keep replying if it's messing with your head? Just wondering....
Author KittenMoon Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 So you replied to him? Why keep replying if it's messing with your head? Just wondering.... Haven't replied... yet. I undoubtably will at some point. I'm just SO confused as to why he wants to talk to me at all. I've asked flat out several months back what does he want from me, and how does he see me at this point, and I'm treated to nothing but confused, contradictory replies. And his actions have been utterly baffling- cutting off certain mutual friends of years, actively ignoring their emails and phone calls, but yet keeping up contact with other mutual friends for no discernable reason. I'm totally confused- I mean, what if I had a new bf? What if I was seeing other guys? Is he seeing other girls? Why email me if he is? And why do I always feel like he's seeking some kind of approval or validation from me? (His chit chat in the email was to inform me that I had been 100% right about something in the past (like over a year ago)- something that got so bad it couldn't be repaired by the time he dealt with it- he should have just listened to me and not told me I was being paranoid in the first place- would have saved himself a ton of $$$$!!!!)
LaraV Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Oh Kitten - I can totally understand your frustration. I sense that there's a part of your ex that is stuck in utter ambivalence. I just don't think he knows what the hell he wants, you know? At least your ex prefaces his e-mail by acknowledging that you may not want to talk to him again - hence his "do you want me to leave you alone" blubber; mine just assumes that NOTHING has happened and on the two rare occasions we've had contact he just goes and talks to me like nothing ever happened. Honestly, I don't know which approach is best. I do wonder, in your case, how you have been coping with the fact that you two have friends in common. It's the same situation with me, and I find that whenever I hang out with our friends in common, I feel utterly terrible because it somehow accentuates HIS absence, and yet if he were to be present, I know I'd feel even worse. It's such a no win situation. I say this so as to offer you a theory on why he may be ingnoring some of your mutual friends. Sometiems they're just too much of a reminder of the other person missing in your life. It sucks that they still get to know how the ex is doing, but you are just out of the loop.
Author KittenMoon Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 At least your ex prefaces his e-mail by acknowledging that you may not want to talk to him again - hence his "do you want me to leave you alone" blubber... .... and yet he still contacts me. So again I continue to question- what is it that he wants from me? I thought I had set some boundaries... guess not.
the_alchemyst Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 So again I continue to question- what is it that he wants from me? I thought we had already set this straight, Kitten: he's just one of those guys. They make absolutely no sense, wanting to be away yet close by, saying they want nothing yet feeling they want everything, and trying to be happy in the new company they chose yet unhappy because of the old company they abandoned. THEY MAKE NO SENSE! Oh, come on--you're telling ME that? I thought we had a special bond, given that we dated the same person who makes us suffer from emotional dysphoria. (You say he contacts you to chit chat, yet makes a disclaimer that he know "you may not want to talk to you him . . . " Well, gee, reminds me of: "Well, I'm still angry, but happy bday. Oh, and I bought you something becase I know you'll love it . . ." Wtf? ) The man is obviously still confused about HIMSELF at this point. I don't think he is confused about his bottom-line feelings at all, just like I don't think you are. It's is PAINFULLY (sorry, I'm too lazy to press ctrl + b ) obvious that you two love each other. It is, Kitten. It just REALLY is. Unfortunately, it really also feels like he's going through some kind of mid-20's-life crisis: Again, it doesn't feel like he's confused about his feelings about you, but he is confused a great big deal about himself and the way his life is going in general. And you know very well that if you are confused about something important, it is significantly difficult (for most people) to manage to keep a clear-mind in and for other aspects. So, while he still loves you, it feels like he just wasn't able to compartmentalize this confusion he is going through and that it just kind of spanned over onto you. But he loves you. The man would simply NOT email you if he didn't. And he is NOT the type of guy to email you for the sole purpose of hurting you, and you know that. Hell, you know that better than anyone else. Maybe he does hurt you, but you know he doesn't do it intentionally; he's oblivious. Keep in mind that in his mind, he is doing a whopping lot right now. He is trying, even though his attempts may be vague and open-ended, but he is trying. Trying to do what, though, is the mystery. The main this here is that you love him and he loves you. Whether that will be enough for both you and him to reawaken the relationship will be entirely up to you and him.
littlekitty Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 He's either genuinely confused about what he wants, or he's playing some strange kind of game. What boundaries did you set? No contact ones? If so, how about setting up a delete or spam rule, so that you don't get his emails full stop? I'm thinking that that's not really what you want though? Which could be what he's sensing, hence breaking the boundaries. Sounds like you both still want to be in contact, and are both hedging around it....
Author KittenMoon Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 I thought we had already set this straight, Kitten: he's just one of those guys. They make absolutely no sense, wanting to be away yet close by, saying they want nothing yet feeling they want everything, and trying to be happy in the new company they chose yet unhappy because of the old company they abandoned. Oh that's right- we had figured that out, hadn't we? :lmao: Geez. But A- you and I both know the big issue inherent in his "new company", don't we. Gr. Maybe we'll just dance back and forth like this until some pivotal point where one of us meets an amazing new person, and truly abandons the other... I always wrote stories about these sorts of ridiculous relationship things- boy they sound a lot better on paper than in real life. At least on paper, I know whether its going to be a happy ending or not from the beginning.
Author KittenMoon Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 He's either genuinely confused about what he wants, or he's playing some strange kind of game. What boundaries did you set? No contact ones? If so, how about setting up a delete or spam rule, so that you don't get his emails full stop? I'm thinking that that's not really what you want though? Which could be what he's sensing, hence breaking the boundaries. Sounds like you both still want to be in contact, and are both hedging around it.... Hm, well initially (and quite emotionally) i had asked for the occasional email to let me know he was ok. But so many things came after that I thought had changed things... honestly I had begun to believe I wouldn't hear a word from him unless something major happened (like a death), or maybe at holidays. I never expected such a casual email, anyhow... I'm gonna think this one over for a bit. Not in the mood to obsess today. Too much to do.
the_alchemyst Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 I just concted a special potion to get rid of that company, so don't worry about it.
Author KittenMoon Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 I just concted a special potion to get rid of that company, so don't worry about it. :lmao: You might get one, but two more will rise to take their place!!!! (and I think some of them are avid LSers :lmao: )
Ariadne Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! He wrote! He wrote! Well, hope thing start to work out this time. Good luck! Ariadne
Author KittenMoon Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! He wrote! He wrote! Well, hope thing start to work out this time. Work out? Probably not. Ambiguous emails don't = :love:
Ariadne Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Well, You gotta start with "something" See what happens, Ariadne
Sand&Water Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 KittenMoon, Probably not. Once again, you said Probably not. There is a thread of hope. You decide. Love, in strange ways, blossoms from the blackest of blacks.
alphamale Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 I should have expected it... I was almost feeling ok. why did you read the email? you should have just deleted it...or did he send it thru some service that strips the senders email? WTF!
Author KittenMoon Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 why did you read the email? you should have just deleted it...or did he send it thru some service that strips the senders email? WTF! Did I ever say I was ridiculously NC? Nope. Rather surprised though- I thought we were past this point.
Author KittenMoon Posted September 9, 2006 Author Posted September 9, 2006 >sigh< He finally wrote back. I basically asked him in my response why he wanted to talk to me at all. He says he was glad I wrote him back. He said wanted to talk to me because he missed my friendship, but that he also didn't want to hurt me. He's also apparently looking for work out of town, like far away. So I guess he can't be missing me that much. I'm very sad now- I don't get him at all- and I don't know what to say back. He apparently doesn't miss our relationship, but he does miss our friendship. I don't miss the friendship, I'm interested in the relationship. Any thoughts? I'm lost.
Ariadne Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Hi, I don't miss the friendship, I'm interested in the relationship. Any thoughts? I'm lost. I already told you my thoughts... Be his friend, is your only choice, "you" are interested in a relationship and you won't settle for less because that's what "you" want. That is not love KittenMoon. Ariadne
Author KittenMoon Posted September 9, 2006 Author Posted September 9, 2006 Hi, I don't miss the friendship, I'm interested in the relationship. Any thoughts? I'm lost. I already told you my thoughts... Be his friend, is your only choice, "you" are interested in a relationship and you won't settle for less because that's what "you" want. That is not love KittenMoon. Ariadne Love isn't taking whatever scraps of attention someone throws you either.
Author KittenMoon Posted September 9, 2006 Author Posted September 9, 2006 I'm just saying it's kinda awful of him only want my friendship after so long. It's like he's basically asking for all the good parts of "us" without any of the work of a relationship. I am defintely not anywhere near that point yet.
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