Woggle Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Today I went out to do some shopping while my wife was visiting with a friend and I saw some couple arguing. The wife was chewing the husband and all of a sudden the misogynist came out. The smallest thing can put me in a woman hating mood and I am ready to go home and divorce her. I hate feeling this way but I can't seem to help it. I just stayed out until I snapped out of it so I wouldn't go home and do something stupid. The funny thing is that I didn't get into one of these moods once while on our vacation. This is the first time since we are married that I have been like this. I really want to nip this in the bud before I end up ruining the best relationship I ever had with a woman.
Author Woggle Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 She was "chewing" him? Where exactly? Not literally but she was screaming at in front of everybody.
Touche Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Sorry, Wog. I was just being a wise-ass. So what? What does that have to do with you and your wife? Did it bring back memories of you and Mommy? Come on now. You're an adult now. I'm just a little older than your wife and I would be horrified if I were married to you and knew that you were having such thoughts. I mean what do you two have to do with that couple? NOTHING! My husband and I have seen plenty of people who have gotten married AFTER us who are already divorced. It doesn't have anything to do with us. Should we get divorced because we see others who haven't lasted as long as we have? Come on now. You've claimed to have a genius IQ and yet you can ask this ridiculous question? Use some sense!
Author Woggle Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 Sorry, Wog. I was just being a wise-ass. So what? What does that have to do with you and your wife? Did it bring back memories of you and Mommy? Come on now. You're an adult now. I'm just a little older than your wife and I would be horrified if I were married to you and knew that you were having such thoughts. I mean what do you two have to do with that couple? NOTHING! My husband and I have seen plenty of people who have gotten married AFTER us who are already divorced. It doesn't have anything to do with us. Should we get divorced because we see others who haven't lasted as long as we have? Come on now. You've claimed to have a genius IQ and yet you can ask this ridiculous question? Use some sense! You are right logically and that is why I stayed out until I snapped out of it. I know I have a problem and that is why I made this thread.
Touche Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Well look, all you can do is do what you did. Wait until the crazy feeling passes. None of it has anything to do with her. Keep it to yourself. And never, ever act out. Just come on here and spew some of your famous venom but leave HER out of it. That way you might, just MIGHT have a chance at a happy marriage.
Walk Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 I think, in addition to taking some space until you "snap out of it", let your wife know when you need the space. Communicate that you are taking it, and reassure it's not forever, only for a day.. or for several hours. That's about all I can suggest... Just keep her in the loop as much as possible, let her know you want to work on it on your own, but that you may ask for her support by requesting she allow you time to yourself on occasion. The way you describe your wife, I think she would be willing to help you as long as you communicate.
norajane Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 One word Woggle: THERAPY Get some psychiatric help from a trained professional to help you deal with your woman issues and the damage your mother did. If you could have dealt with this on your own, you would have.
Mz. Pixie Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 I agree with NJ- we all told you that therapy would help but you didn't think you needed it. This is the reason we suggested it.
hotgurl Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 I agree with walk and NJ. In the moment when you are having these crazy feelings just let them pass but communicate to your wife you need space. and reassure her that you love her etc... and these are your issues and have nothing to do with her. And then show her you mean it by going to therapy to work out your problems.
blind_otter Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 One word Woggle: THERAPY Get some psychiatric help from a trained professional to help you deal with your woman issues and the damage your mother did. If you could have dealt with this on your own, you would have. Word. Get therapy. I have a lot of issues with men, woggle, because of my history of rape and physical abuse. But in order to achieve some clarity and stability in my relationships I had to get help to reset some of my assumptions. There's no shame in that. Get a male psychologist and have at you. I find it laughably ridiculous when someone has a serious psychological issue and he is advised to "snap out of it". It just don't work that way. You can't snap out of 25+ years of psychological conditioning without being deprogrammed first.
Touche Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Who told him to "snap out of it?" Anyway, there's no guarantee that the therapist will have any more luck ridding him of these thoughts than he has. It's going to be mind over matter, so to speak with or without the aid of a therapist. At least you're aware of it, Wog. Deal with it the best YOU think you can. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: There's not only ONE way to deal with our issues. What will work for one person, won't necessarily work for another. So I for one, DON'T find the notion that Wog snap out of it "laughably ridiculous." The human brain and WILL are powerful tools. What I DO find laughably ridiculous though is the thought that there is only ONE way to solve a problem. The fact of the matter is that, you Wog, took care of the problem. You said you stayed out until you snapped out of it. You succesfully took something that COULD have been a problem and diffused it on your own. I can't imagine what the hell a therapist would tell you that would be BETTER than what you did.
norajane Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 A therapist can help him work through his issues so he can get to the point where he doesn't have the misogynist feelings in the first place, so he doesn't freak out and go into a mood every time he witnesses an argument at the mall.
Touche Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Maybe and maybe not, NJ. And then again maybe he can do this on his own and maybe not. But if he can at least manage these feelings that's still ok. Look, I've admitted that I have an alcohol addiction. I liken Wog's problem to that. I will never stop having cravings for alcohol. My brain is hard-wired somehow to crave it. But I CAN control whether I will give in to those cravings or not. No therapist in the world will make the cravings go away though. And I think it's the same for Wog.
bab Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 I agree, go see a therapist. In the mean time, do you think carrying around a couple pictures from you wedding might help? Make you think of how happy she makes you?
luvstarved Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 I agree that no one solution fits all problems. I don't know woggle's whole story like many of you seem to, but I will say that if he hasn't TRIED therapy, why not? I agree that he did the right thing by staying away until the misogyny passed, but I can't say that a therapist might not have even better coping strategies to offer. See, I'm not a therapist! I have tried therapy off and on and sometimes it has helped and sometimes it didn't seem to. I don't remember it ever having made a situation worse, though. Hey, I also have a genius IQ, wog. But I don't know everything and neither do you. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here. You especially can't understand what you haven't tried. Of course, if you have tried therapy before, I take some of that back, but therapists are like any "service professional" - you have to find one that does a good job and that you have some trust in and rapport with... I'd also like to ask about the extent of this issue. You implied that it had only happened recently. I know I am ignorant of the history here, maybe you could post some links... I guess I am asking the mountain vs mole hill question. Sometimes I see a guy being a d**k and get passing little irrational "men are scum" thoughts myself...
whichwayisup Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Today I went out to do some shopping while my wife was visiting with a friend and I saw some couple arguing. The wife was chewing the husband and all of a sudden the misogynist came out. The smallest thing can put me in a woman hating mood and I am ready to go home and divorce her. I hate feeling this way but I can't seem to help it. I just stayed out until I snapped out of it so I wouldn't go home and do something stupid. The funny thing is that I didn't get into one of these moods once while on our vacation. This is the first time since we are married that I have been like this. I really want to nip this in the bud before I end up ruining the best relationship I ever had with a woman. Gawwddammitt Woggle! Go to therapy already! If you lived in my City, I'd take you myself, wait in the waiting room for ya, then drive you back home to your wife. Look, it seems you're safe and secure when you're with your wife. NO issues arise...Then, you're out and about alone, you don't have the coping skills in your head to STOP the INSANITY of what goes on around you NOT to go inside your head and mess you up. Just because you see a couple having a fight doesn't mean that you have to think the worst and let it trigger you. YOU have more control over yourself than you think. Just need to learn how to use your brain, instead of letting your brain 'react' and make you feel bad and worry. You love your wife, you're willing to fix this now - Only way is to GO to therapy.
Sand&Water Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Woggle, You have to start convincing yourself of the truth. The truth that dwells deep inside of you. The issues you are, currently, experiencing are a by product of your fears and desires. It starts here: Be a man! You married the woman (your wife) for a reason. The best thing you can provide your wife is a stable and healthy husband that discards of all external arrows, and spears. [if it means going to therapy, then so be it] Everytime, something off-putting, happens to you do No Contact with yourself.
Walk Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 I find it laughably ridiculous when someone has a serious psychological issue and he is advised to "snap out of it". It just don't work that way. You can't snap out of 25+ years of psychological conditioning without being deprogrammed first. Wasn't sure if you were referring to my post or not... but I only used the phrase snap out of it in reference to Woggles previous post where he said he took time to "snap out of it". I didn't have a better phrase to use, so I used his own. It was poor judgement and wording on my part.
SarahRose Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Just keep quiet for the next 40-50 years and things should be fine!
alphamale Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 The smallest thing can put me in a woman hating mood and I am ready to go home and divorce her. I hate feeling this way but I can't seem to help it.. You are most likely headed down a path to disaster. Why did you get married?
portableversion Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 goes and gets married to a WOMAN. That was stupid. Just accept the fact that you are unable to be with a woman, unless it's a pay for sex deal. Or try being a homo. It will take years of therapy to get you 'straight' (pun intended) so don't drag her down in your bullshyt. Good thing you got your 25 page prenup. Either way, you are doomed and so is your 'marriage'.
Author Woggle Posted September 6, 2006 Author Posted September 6, 2006 I am perfectly capable of being with a woman but I have issues that arise sometimes. I honestly do think she is the exception when it comes to women so sometimes I look for a cache. I need to stop doing that.
quankanne Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 I am perfectly capable of being with a woman but I have issues that arise sometimes. I honestly do think she is the exception when it comes to women so sometimes I look for a cache. I need to stop doing that. yes, you do. Because it's not fair to your marriage OR your wife when either becomes the whipping boy for whatever rage or insecurity or dislike that you're feeling ... they are not the problem, your outlook is causing the problem. people – male or female – can be jerks, can be evil, can be •ssholes. They also have the capacity for being good, kind, generous and loving. When you see someone behaving like the former, mentally kick yourself to remind yourself that they also can be the latter. You also need to keep in mind that even when a couple is screaming and fussing and disrespecting each other, that's THEIR way of communicating, even if it's a poor method. The most you can do is hope and pray they find a better way, you know? psychological counselling sounds like something you could benefit from, because it will empower you to a point that you can conquer these things that make you miserable about women.
RecordProducer Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Today I went out to do some shopping while my wife was visiting with a friend and I saw some couple arguing. The wife was chewing the husband and all of a sudden the misogynist came out. The smallest thing can put me in a woman hating mood and I am ready to go home and divorce her. I hate feeling this way but I can't seem to help it. I just stayed out until I snapped out of it so I wouldn't go home and do something stupid. The funny thing is that I didn't get into one of these moods once while on our vacation. This is the first time since we are married that I have been like this. I really want to nip this in the bud before I end up ruining the best relationship I ever had with a woman. Wog, congratulations on your marriage. For someone who hates women, you've married too many times before age 30. I am glad things are well between the two of you. Don't worry about other couples. concentrate on your own marriage. If we would worry about all the problems between married couples and project them on our own relationships, we should doubt our partners' love, trustworthiness, fidelity, and just about everything. And we should all be divorced. Some people ARE lucky in love. You had the courage to outcome your fears and open your heart to another woman and marry her. Give yourself some credit for that and enjoy your love.
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