Men... explain erratic behavior, lack of mental continuity

[Agent M]

It seems that I have read more and more posts about women who are in these great relationships with Mr. Right who promises them marriage and the world, and then all of a sudden, one day, he leaves. These women are all confused and I'm beginning to get disturbed. What's going on here? Are men martyring themselves until they can't take it anymore? Are women believing some kind of pipe dream? Are men not being courageous enough to communicate their dissatisfactions? Or do they go through the relationship blindly until one day it hits them that they need to go, now? Are women overlooking too many things? Some answers would be helpful...thanks.

[superconductor]

Are men martyring themselves until they can't take it anymore?

Sometimes, yes. It's not that common, though. What often happens, at least in my experience and that of those I know, is that it's pretty common for women to become comfortable in the relationship and, as such, tend not to try anymore. Men do this too, of course, but from what I've seen, it seems to be more common among women.

Are women believing some kind of pipe dream?

VERY common. A good, mature woman knows that love not something based on feelings, but rather it's a commitment based on mutual understanding, respect and giving instead of receiving. But there are many, many immature women who still buy into the whole romantic myth of riding off into the sunset, happily ever after, etc. etc.

Are men not being courageous enough to communicate their dissatisfactions?

Again, very common. It's far better for a guy to keep his mouth shut than to express a dissatisfaction which will often be perceived of as a criticism, and end up paying for it, possibly for years to come.

Or do they go through the relationship blindly until one day it hits them that they need to go, now?

From my own experience, I can tell you that at some point you just decide not to put up with unhappiness anymore. Who needs it? Now, some men get out, some have affairs, some just tune out their partner. Depends on the guy.

Are women overlooking too many things?

Sure. There's an old saying that women marry man in hopes he will change, but he doesn't, and men marry women in hopes that they won't change, but they do. Happens all the time.

[Agent M]

Thanks...that's a pretty thorough answer. I guess the most troubling aspect is the overall lack of communication going on...

[KittenMoon]

Isn't it scarier that these problems can be so readily identified and discussed, yet so many people keep making the same darn mistakes over and over again?

[blind_otter]

It seems that I have read more and more posts about women who are in these great relationships with Mr. Right who promises them marriage and the world, and then all of a sudden, one day, he leaves. These women are all confused and I'm beginning to get disturbed. What's going on here? Are men martyring themselves until they can't take it anymore? Are women believing some kind of pipe dream? Are men not being courageous enough to communicate their dissatisfactions? Or do they go through the relationship blindly until one day it hits them that they need to go, now? Are women overlooking too many things? Some answers would be helpful...thanks.

 

I think it goes both ways, personally, and has to do with personal insecurity, not knowing yourself or what you want out of life, and being dissatisfied with yourself and projecting onto your partner.

 

And as far as identifying but not fixing the issue, well changing deeply embedded personality characteristics or altering coping mechanisms that were learned early in life and have been practiced for many years is very difficult. And that's assuming the person in question even perceives a problem and wants to change in the first place.

 

I'm just saying.