EndoftheRope Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 I've told bits and pieces of the story in this and other forums. In brief, H was getting very friendly with a young girl at work, 18 months ago, and in the process of thrashing that and other issues out, including a few sessions with a mc, it comes out that he's spent 13 of our 17 years of marriage in secret correspondence with yet another woman. He has turned to her when he's upset with me, and complained to her about me, and unfailingly gets sympathy and pats on the back. No wonder he felt he never had to take any of my feelings seriously, since he could always turn to her and hear what he wanted, that he's perfect and I'm an unreasonable b*tch or whatever. He has supposedly cut off all contact with this woman, but will give me no proof that he really has. Through all of this, he has never once admitted that he has actually done anything inherently hurtful or wrong. His insinuations are always that I'm being unreasonable, but he, great guy that he is, will end yet another harmless friendship to satisfy me, and poor guy, he's even afraid to talk to women at work now. I am really struggling with anger and resentment at his casual brushing off of this situation. If anything, he acts as if I am the problem for unreasonably disrupting all his 'friendships.' Right now, he is being the perfect husband-- loving and attentive in every possible way. But I wonder how much of it is true, or whether it's just a better cover for continuing his secrets and deceptions. Where do you go, and what can possibly be left of a marriage in this case? He's still got me on the edge, not wanting to hurt our children when he is giving me (supposedly) everything I ask for, and not wanting to continue this marriage always feeling like I'm in the dark. I am going to al-anon, and I do find it helpful. I will also be looking into individual counseling (our marriage counselor was a joke-- his solution to this is that I blindly believe a man who's proven himself a liar over and over, and that I just pretend everything is okay.) I'm hoping for some words of wisdom from those who have been there.
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