Kinger25 Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 Hi Wondered if you guys could help me out with this one as it's eating me up inside and I need some advice. I have been with my current BF for just over a year. He has been married before and has 2 boys, one if which lives with him full time. He is only 32 and his eldest boy is 14 so when I moved in with him I had to accept his two children would be around aswell. Fine. My previous relationship lasted for 8 years, with me being the one that finished it in the end. I am 25. I dont know why, but I seem to be intent on destructing my relationship with my BF. I have these uncontrollable feelings of anger inside of me and I am constantly having a go at him when he really does not do anything wrong. He's faithful, loyal, works hard, and is fairly affectionate. He doesn't go out with the boys, He paid for me to have driving lessons, paid for my driving test, gave me his car to use and has generally helped me alot in the year we have been together. He is Self employed and works alot of hours so I dont see him as much as I'd like to but he still makes sure that he makes time for me and treats me like I am still important to him. So why do I KEEP being so nasty to him? I was so calm in my previous relationship, I NEVER had a go at my ex and I NEVER tried to destroy my relaionship with him for no reason so why am I doing it now? An example of this was last night. I was feeling fine up until about 9pm and then I just started getting moody with him. I dont know what triggered it off but I just kept saying horrible things to him. I keep saying to him that I dont think that I want to have kids with him but I only do this to make him feel hurt or wind him up. I have a go at him about an ex-girlfriend that he is still in contact with, because he sees her every now and then (although I feel he acts differently around her) and I just generally try and see how far I can push him before he tells me to **** Off. I get jealous easily and seem to be constantly going off on one and wrecking everything that we have built up in the last year. I seem to like pushing his buttons and MAKING him start to dislike me. Why would someone do this??? If I knew WHY I was doing this then I would do aomething about it. I dont know if it's insecurity or anger or what. I have NEVER been like this before, that is why it worries me so much. I am generally a calm and relaxed person. I dont trust him and this shows. I keep telling him that I dont think that he loves me, just to try and get him to tell me that he does, which doesn't work. We have an amazing sex life and we are very well suited in so many ways. I am frustrating myself by doing this becasue it is like I have turned into this totally different person. I dont WANT to be like this. I think some of it may come from the fact that I cant get over that he has been married before and has 2 children with someone else. I keep thinking that he wont ever love me as much as he loved his ex. I could go on and on about the things that I have done to try and wreck our relationship but it would take a lifetime. The bottom line is: Im angry and dont know why I keep destructing my relationship and dont know why Im jealous and dont know why I would really appreciate some peoples thoughts on this, if they have been in the same position or whether anyone can help me understand WHY I am doing this. :(
Ripples Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 I think you may have answered the question 'why?'. But that's not really going to help you. For instance, I know why I'm screwed up. A did Z to me and B did Y etc. etc. I feel that instead of looking at the whys of the situation, it's far more constructive to look at the 'what do I do now that I don't like?' and 'how do I change it?'. Therapy could be useful - I wouldn't recommend psychodynamic therapy, I'd go for more NLP stuff. Google is your friend
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