inde4544 Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 Hey everyone, I am new here and have been going through a rough break up. I initiated no contact a week ago because she was stringing me along so much and it was making me too crazy to try and fake being friends with her when really I was dying inside. We had a good relationship for a year and a half but she got wasted one night and cheated. The relationship went downhill from here but since she is my first LTR I did not walk away and used my ego to make decisions with. We went on for six months going downhill steadily until she left me for some 30 yr old. I am 23 by the way just graduated college and have a decent job but I do not feel any comfort in that. Well anyways I have been struggling with the whole thing but doing my best to stay strong and then I just happened to run into her with the other man at the bar last night. Talk about a shock to the system haha. Luckily I did not make eye contact and just kept my back to her, finished a beer and me and my buddies got out of there. It is the girl's bday today and it is strange to see her with her family and the new guy when normally I would be the one there. Well anyways any advice on how to man up and get over this would be great. How do you guys react when seeing the ex? Its all so freahs I would have liked to not seen her for a while but what can ya do. This heartbreak sucks, I go from telling myself Im fine to ebing pissed off then to sad haha. What a mess.
Adunaphel Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 Luckily I did not make eye contact and just kept my back to her, finished a beer and me and my buddies got out of there. It is the girl's bday today and it is strange to see her with her family and the new guy when normally I would be the one there. Well anyways any advice on how to man up and get over this would be great. Congratulations for having managed to basically ignore her in the bar. Do not talk about "to man up" - many people would love to be able to act as maturely as you are doing in situations that are similar to yours, and the feeling of shock you experienced is very, very normal. I don't think there is really much advice to give you, you are alreading doing the right things, sticking to no contact and keeping yourself together if you happen to run into her. You will need time, like anyone does, and having some other interesting girl around would also help.
In Sync Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 Hey everyone, I am new here and have been going through a rough break up. I initiated no contact a week ago because she was stringing me along so much and it was making me too crazy to try and fake being friends with her when really I was dying inside. We had a good relationship for a year and a half but she got wasted one night and cheated. The relationship went downhill from here but since she is my first LTR I did not walk away and used my ego to make decisions with. We went on for six months going downhill steadily until she left me for some 30 yr old. I am 23 by the way just graduated college and have a decent job but I do not feel any comfort in that. Well anyways I have been struggling with the whole thing but doing my best to stay strong and then I just happened to run into her with the other man at the bar last night. Talk about a shock to the system haha. Luckily I did not make eye contact and just kept my back to her, finished a beer and me and my buddies got out of there. It is the girl's bday today and it is strange to see her with her family and the new guy when normally I would be the one there. Well anyways any advice on how to man up and get over this would be great. How do you guys react when seeing the ex? Its all so freahs I would have liked to not seen her for a while but what can ya do. This heartbreak sucks, I go from telling myself Im fine to ebing pissed off then to sad haha. What a mess. You'll receive alot of advice so I can only speak from my experience and pass onto you what I've learned in how to cope. I can't tell you how important maintaining NC is for you. Because any contacting you engage in is nothing less that opening a wound and pouring vinegar on it. There is no escaping the painful feelings of a breakup. Your body mind and soul has to heal from it. But you do have a say in the way you want to heal. Here is something, a secret that I will share. Embrace it: Hurt is designed to keep you from moving forward. What does this have to do with coping? I have notice that whenever people have a purpose or make plans somehow the universe sends us a whammy...a heartache in the form of disappointment. It is at this point we look at this disppointment and give into the pain. We spend endless hours, days, months and years trying to undertsand how we got dealt this blow of rejection? How did this happen to me...in the meanwhile we stop moving forward in pursuits of our dreams and goals. We stop living? You happened to mention you just graduated from college...Now you are dealing with this "mess." It will preoccupy you mind and you will lose time. Yeah, of course ..you have hurt feelings because this exgf betrayed you, BUT if you focus only on this you will lose precious time and energy thinking about it. Yessss, of course you can spend endless hours thinking about this girl and her new guy and the past and how the relationship failed, OR you can find empowerment in yourself by saying I have something promising to focus on. And by doing that I will attract more good into my life. There's no hard and fast rule that says you must keep dwelling a doomed relationship...we do it out of habit. When a peron lacks a sense of purpose in life they will focus on whatever zaps their energy.
Brittanyjean06 Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 Good job, you handeld the situation matturely! Its hard to see the ex, or the ex's new beau but like you said what can you do? I remember cringing my teeth sooooooooooooooooooooo HARD when people would tell me " I saw your ex the other day with his new gf, my heart would melt :-( the worst feeling. But being a year and having them live in a different city really helps alot! I know its all new to you but in time will sort its self out!
Author inde4544 Posted September 4, 2006 Author Posted September 4, 2006 Thank you guys for the advice. Today is really hard. It is her bday and I am struggling with everything but I know if I can get past today I will feel a hell of a lot stronger tomorrow. I am going to pound some weights to get this off my mind thanks again.
Author inde4544 Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 well she contacted me saying oh not going to wish me happy bday i told her happy bday and that she needs to focus on the new guy so I can get on with everything because it is too hard to deal with right now and speak to her. I only contacted her back because it was her bday I know i should not have but this stuff is not for the faint of heart. I am getting stronger every day and need to keep it going. Anybody have any idea why she continues to contact me when she is with another guy? This is what I cannot wrap my head around at the moment
JCD Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 You did fine. Now all you have to do is not analyze any of it. It's water under the bridge. Move forward and look toward a new relationship. If she wants you she will let you know. But don't waste time meanwhile, live your life. Get some friends have some fun and live.
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