ParanoidAndroid Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 Hi All Im new to this forum and not sure if this is the right place to post. Anyway, I'm writing this as an exercise to somehow communicate to the world what I'm going through, and maybe to have some other peoples views, and possibly to knock some sense in to me. Im a 27 year old guy, I have my own company which is doing great, am told I am very attractive, physically and emotionally. I have loads of friends, and I'm seen to be the life and soul of a party. But everyday is a struggle, and somedays the struggle seems to much to bear. I am on anti-depressants, I am seeing a counsellor, and I try to pull myself out of the slumps, but it is so so hard. I am in the the second serious relationship of my life, and the same destructive pattern which ended my first relationship, with my first true love, is happening all over again. I am jealous. Big wow you are probably thinking, loads of people are. But for some reason, yet to be discovered through counselling, I am insanely jealous. On the outside, I hide it well, but internally, my life is a walking nightmare, and everywhere I see threats. To give some background, my partner and I are going out three years now, the first of which was wonderful, the latter two have being going downhill due to my jealousy taking over, just as it did my first relationship of four years, again the first of which was amazing... What are my fears? That my partner will leave me for another man? Not really, I know she loves me. That my partner will have an affair? Nope, I really dont think she is interested in that, and I fully trust her. So what then am I so worried about!? The answer is that I am worried about my partner noticing and appreciating good looking men. Big deal you might think, but for some reason her noticing them kills me inside. Just seeing mens faces I can barely handle, bodies is a nightmare, and for some unknown reason, if she sees another mans penis, I can have panic attacks and struggle to breath, my stomach heaves and I get sick, I sweat and sometimes I come close to feinting. Again, the strange thing is I do not have a small penis, in fact my partner the very first time we were in bed together, long before my jealousy had started again, commented that my penis was huge (I was so proud!), so I am not worried too much. I have also similar experiences with previous partners. My fear is that my partners interest levels rise when she sees a good looking man, or worse still a naked man, and that she 'checks them out'. I guess I want to be the only man that she is interested in, not just in being with but also looking at. My partner does say she does not check men out, but that its only natural that she notices if a guy is good looking, or if she notices a nice body on a beach, but she assures me she does not stare and check out. She also says that she has no interest in looking at a mans penis, but that if one was on tv she would notice as its not something you commonly see. Even the thoughts of her seeing a Mans penis as I write this has my stomach in ribbons.... My life is a living nightmare because of the world in which we live in. Everywhere we go - shopping, the beach, a park, the cinema, even a doctors office with magazines in reception, I panic at all the men and dangers i see- Is there a Man getting changed behind a towel on the beach? Is there a half naked man in a magazine? What movie does she want to see, what is the rating on it or does it have sex scenes or a good looking man? Even at a friends house the other day, looking thru photos there were a few dodge ones of a lads holiday, I had to leave because of the fear that a penis might be visible, through shorts or naked... I cant live like this anymore, I want to let go if it but for some reason it hangs on, its like its a control that is trying to keep me safe but no longer works and is doing more harm than good One thing that could help is if there is any women reading this (still at this point!), if they could let me know the thought patterns that go through their heads when they see a mans penis. If they are in a solid relationship too, that would help to know. Are they interested, do they stare? Do they check out the size, does it really mean anything to them? If I see a naked woman on tv, to be honest I'm not that interested, sure I notice and might think they look good or not, but I dont stare or leer. But maybe thats because its more commonplace than a penis? If any other men have similar fears ( or is this so weird Im on my own) Id love to hear from you. Thanks for reading this, happy to receive any advice. Yours, in need.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 i think it is interesting that you have this intense, debilitating issue that affects your life's relationship, but you just had to make sure we all know you've been told your penis is big. obviously, your problem is much, much bigger than anyone's penis. i would say, counseling. rigorous counseling is what you need. good luck.
littlekitty Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 One thing that could help is if there is any women reading this (still at this point!), if they could let me know the thought patterns that go through their heads when they see a mans penis. If they are in a solid relationship too, that would help to know. Are they interested, do they stare? Do they check out the size, does it really mean anything to them? If I see a naked woman on tv, to be honest I'm not that interested, sure I notice and might think they look good or not, but I dont stare or leer. But maybe thats because its more commonplace than a penis? I think you should continue with the counselling. This type of jealousy is clearly not the 'norm'. I can't help but think this must have been triggered by some strange incident or something!! It's clearly a big problem for you, and I can imagine not wonderful for your partner to deal with. With regards to your questions (I'm in a solid relationship, marrying next year): Ok, well, I rarely get to see a penis except my partners!! They aren't usually on display for all and sundry... neither in real life or on tv or film (excl porn). What are my thought patterns? Something like this: Ohhhh a penis! *shock+smile* Don't normally get to see one of those swinging around. *takes another quick look* Hmmm a bit different to the ones I've seen before.... That's about it. There's not very much else to it. I don't reminisce about it after it's gone, or think about it again! Beside, I have my own (well my SO's!) to play with...! So no. I don't stare or leer...! I might check out the general look/size, but it means nothing to me!! Even the most happy and in love person can't help but notice attractive people. And yes, you probably glance. But then you forget all about it, because you know the one next to you is the only one you want.
bluechocolate Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 ...and for some unknown reason, if she sees another mans penis, I can have panic attacks and struggle to breath, my stomach heaves and I get sick, I sweat and sometimes I come close to feinting. How often does she get to see other another man's penis? You should stop going to that nudist beach! If it wasn't for the length of your post (oops!) I would say this was a troll. i would say, counseling. rigorous counseling is what you need. good luck. Seriously, I can only echo that. This one is strange, even for this place. btw - CrushedOrgans, funny that with your user name you chose to answer this thread!
CrushedOrgans Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 btw - CrushedOrgans, funny that with your user name you chose to answer this thread! ooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...ouch... didn't even thinka that...
blind_otter Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 If you are experiencing paranoia and jealousy at such a debilitating level, I don't think a message board can help. Do you experience any paranoid feelings other than those directly related to your relationship?
JCD Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Most women I think are not as shallow as to choose a man based on his penis. Woman looks at the whole package, ie. personality, commitment, etc. If your woman haven't left you yet then you're ok in her eyes. If she is type of woman that looks at hot young guys and tells you dirty jokes about her and them then you should worry but then why would you date such a girl anyways? Just trouble imo.
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