scaredinlove Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 I just posted two days ago that my MM W found out and she is going to contact my H.For you who went thru this and have kids.How did they react? I have a preteen how can I handle that? Right now I haven't take any action but I am worring sick about the kids.Will they hate me forever or become rebels.I know I should have thought about that before begining the A, but now it is too late for that. Please any feedback would be helpful
whichwayisup Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 I don't mean to sound harsh, but how do you think your child will react IF they found out? To be honest, I think you need to shelter your kids from this. They DO NOT need to know what goes on in an adult world, between their parents. I really hope you weren't planning on telling them so soon? I still think you're better off TELLING your husband NOW, before the wife comes and tells him. You owe him that much, if not for him, do it for your kids. Until things are decided, I mean your husband COULD forgive you and give you a chance to make things right again. But, if he wants the marriage to end, you and your husband together will explain (something) to the why's of the divorce or whatever. Just shelter your kids from the this big blow coming...They're too young and don't need to deal with the truth of what you've been doing.
Author scaredinlove Posted September 4, 2006 Author Posted September 4, 2006 Wiichwayisup I didn't inteant to tell the kids,but my H might.And kids have a way of finding things out.When I tell him he will at least get very angry and will be loud, the kids could hear it.We usually keep them away from ourr problems but they usually know more than I hope they should.
movinon05 Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 Just for an example, I'll tell you briefly what happened with me. My H found out, made me tell MM to tell his W or my H would. He had said he would never tell my kids unless I chose not to stay with him. 9 months later when I left my H, he told my kids. However, when my H told my children, he was not calm or rational. He was out of control, ranting and raving, pounding the table, saying your mother was f-ing around and f-ing this and that, and he scared my kids half to death. MM's W also took this approach with her kids. Two of my boys were preteens at the time. They were very very upset naturally and for about a day or two did not want to talk to me. When I finally got them to come and talk to me, I sat them down and I was as honest as I could possibly be. I didn't treat them like little kids. I allowed them to tell me how they felt and I told them I understood and continued to talk to them and never stopped. I told them they had every right to be angry with me and I apologized to them. But I also explained that I did not love their father anymore and I would do everything in my power to take care of them. And that is what I did. The one thing that got my kids through the whole mess was because I was always there for them and their father wasn't. We are now closer than we ever were and they have forgiven me because I never abandoned them. I am not saying this is easy by any means. It was the worst thing I've ever gone through. I'm just stressing to you that if this thing blows up, you must allow your children to feel every emotion and NEVER let go!!
Author scaredinlove Posted September 4, 2006 Author Posted September 4, 2006 Just for an example, I'll tell you briefly what happened with me. My H found out, made me tell MM to tell his W or my H would. He had said he would never tell my kids unless I chose not to stay with him. 9 months later when I left my H, he told my kids. However, when my H told my children, he was not calm or rational. He was out of control, ranting and raving, pounding the table, saying your mother was f-ing around and f-ing this and that, and he scared my kids half to death. MM's W also took this approach with her kids. Two of my boys were preteens at the time. They were very very upset naturally and for about a day or two did not want to talk to me. When I finally got them to come and talk to me, I sat them down and I was as honest as I could possibly be. I didn't treat them like little kids. I allowed them to tell me how they felt and I told them I understood and continued to talk to them and never stopped. I told them they had every right to be angry with me and I apologized to them. But I also explained that I did not love their father anymore and I would do everything in my power to take care of them. And that is what I did. The one thing that got my kids through the whole mess was because I was always there for them and their father wasn't. We are now closer than we ever were and they have forgiven me because I never abandoned them. I am not saying this is easy by any means. It was the worst thing I've ever gone through. I'm just stressing to you that if this thing blows up, you must allow your children to feel every emotion and NEVER let go!! Thanks moving on your posting was very helpfull.I wish I had a crystal ball to see the future!
movinon05 Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 Thanks moving on your posting was very helpfull.I wish I had a crystal ball to see the future! Don't we all. I just hope that your H is more rational than mine was because it truly does not help them when one of their parents bashes the other parent to them. After all, they do love you. And their father should not take his anger towards you out on them. It is an ADULT thing. They cannot be expected to understand things on an adult level, but even some adults don't understand that. If this does happen to you, feel free to PM me anytime. And I just went back and read your other thread. Your situation is sooooooooo like mine. Many similarities. I wish you strength.
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