conanvette Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 Was wondering if anyone can help me out, am 28 year old guy, and am starting to get concerned about my life's direction. I've always been shy around people, and in high school got made fun of all the time, and to this day never had a gf. I've been to all the sites, read all the books telling me all you have to do is get out and socialize and mingle with people, then everything should change. Have tried for several years, but my life is as stagnate as it was back in high school. I don't understand people all that well, someone told me 5 years ago that joining the military would change my life, well here it is 5 years later, still no change. Recentley, started back to college, so far no change either. I understand that nothing is given to anybody in life and everyone has to work for what they want. Can someone please tell me,, I'm not scrawny, I hit the gym everyday because I was always under the impression, women liked guys with muscle,, well apparently it must be all guys except me.. Is attraction about the survival of the fittest or is it about how much BS girls want to hear from guys before they act like human beings and talk to them? Thanks
My_Other_I Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 Maybe you give out a desperate vibe? Have you asked anyone out? How did that go? What do you talk about when you talk to girls? Do you make eye contact?
Yoohoo Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 I'd start with a classic practice session...go to the mall and walk around for an hour. Look every girl in the eye until she looks away. And do it in a flirty way, not a psychopath way. If you can do that, it'll help you get over being shy. If you can already do that, in addition to eye contact, smile and say hi.
Sand&Water Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 Conanvette, Imagine this scenario, for a minute. Stand against a wall. Slightly caved back low in form, and hands in both pockets. You a stranger in a busy metropolitan city. How would women perceive you? You have to start with a decision. A decision to change your life - to give you strength and hope for the future. You cannot expect for life to lift you up from the ground and carry you to fate. You must exercise order, reason, communication, entropy, activity, and love to receive something in return. Start, with a simple walk. A walk of simple freedom. Tell yourself that you 'don't have a care in the world'. Laugh with others, as though you are the last person to know the tragic fate of your life. Then you may begin to understand your life -the life you envisioned for yourself. The girl of your dreams will strike, just not knowingly.
JamesM Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 Simple way to solve this problem...I wish. However, my suggestion is to find a woman to help you....not your mother or sister. Find an objective woman who either knows you slightly or not at all..preferrably doesn't. If you have to pay her (no, not a hooker), that is okay. There are women who do this kind of thing for a job. Or it could be an individual counselor. This woman (counselor, friend, or other objective woman) can analyze your clothes, walk, talk, confidence level, conversation abilty, listening skills, etc. and help you make changes to attract a girlfriend. Interestingly enough, it is probably a small thing or two that will give you confidence to be a friend to women. Women like confident men, listeners, good conversationalists, and simply men that show that they care and respect women as people. The best way to get a girlfriend is by starting to try to make girls your friends.
Guest.girl Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 There are two solutions I can think of since you are 28yo. (1) Maybe your image/presentation is not attracting any girls. Think of a guy you know that is successful with girls and fake to be him. Make sure he's in the same 'good looking' range as you, you can't fake a brad pitt if you aren't one. Then dress, talk, act, everything exactly as him and see whether this works. Fake it until you make it. (2) I know many guys who having dated a siingle girl even at 30. Sometimes due to their limited social circles, sometimes they are just too shy to ask a girl out, sometimes its just luck. So, dont worry too much about it.
moman Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 I'd start with a classic practice session...go to the mall and walk around for an hour. Look every girl in the eye until she looks away. And do it in a flirty way, not a psychopath way. If you can do that, it'll help you get over being shy. If you can already do that, in addition to eye contact, smile and say hi. Good advice. I went to the mall the other day and practiced looking at girls. When they turned me way, I smiled instead of acting on reaction and turning away like most men do. It gathered me quite a bit of smiles, and I was just doing a silly test. Good luck, I'm sure you'll meet a fantastic girl who is your yang.
Guest Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 To be honest I am not entirely sure what makes women chat you up or take an interest in us men. What i do know is that we can't wait around for them to ask us, you have to really stop trying so hard and someone will come along when you least expect it. When you go out buy smart clothing and make sure that you are confident that you look good. Don't get too drunk and don't be too soft with women, be too nice and they will walk all over you. Don't tell her that she is your first girlfriend, people always lie about the number of men/women they have dated, me included. Tell her when you know each other better. Most women will base what a bloke is like in a relationship to how interesting they are to talk to so when you chat someone up sound interested and find common factors. Are you really shy? Chris
DarkShadows Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 ---I hit the gym everyday because I was always under the impression, women liked guys with muscle--- I don't know about other women, but I can't stand guys who go to the gym for 12 hours a day and look like they just walked out of prison. I hate big muscular wrestling type of guys. It looks very 'gay' to me. No offense. I like normal size guys or a little belly. Not some dude who could lift me up with his pinky... That is just sickening. I hate all those veins and stuff. Ugh, yuk. And hair! Body hair is a nono. Long hair on men is godly. The only women I have ever come across who like those big muscular gay looking fellas are your typical blonde chicks.. fake blonde.. you know, like a barbie want to be... Sad.
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