Guest Posted September 3, 2006 Posted September 3, 2006 Hi there. I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago. We still cared very much about each other but our uncertain futures scared him. I told him i couldn't be friends with him becuse i still love him and that would just hurt like mad. I haven't contacted him first. Here is the problem. I miss him. He contacted me once during our break and it was really impersonal. I responded the same. Now i hear that he is looking at my personal homepage everyday. Some times he goes back twice in a day. Some times he sits on my page for hours. I put encouraging words on my homepage but this doesn't seem to have gotten him to open up. He became firend of my girl friend and she told me that he even reads my emails over again that i sent him. He is doing all these things which point to him missing me to. Why else would he look every single day for hours. Has he changed his mind about our breakup and regreting letting me walk away? He still hasn't shown to me that he wants to get back together tho. He hasn't contacted me since but he came back to my homepage at least 9 times yesterday! I don't get his behavior? Is it his pride or what???
Guest Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Is there no one out there that can advise? I don't know what is happening and I could use some insight. Thanks
Movin On Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Hi there, From a guy's point of view, I can tell you that just because someone looks at your homepage or reads old e-mails, doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to get back together with you. I am (was) in a situation with a woman... you can take a look at my post on this board... Even though I do think about her. Want her. Dream about her. Wonder about her. ...it still does not mean that a relationship would work. Right now (unfortunately) she pops into my mind every few minutes. It drives me crazy. I have her phone number right here, but I know not to call her. I just know that every day, it gets a little bit easier. Slowly but surely. It's very annoying. By the way, just so you know, what he is doing is silly. The key to get over someone is to STOP looking at their e-mails; chats; pictures; etc. It will only make the person crazy. Clean breaks are so hard and so painful. Believe me. Try to be strong! Sometimes our 'hearts' are different than logic. If you guys had a reason to break up (uncertain future, etc.), it still doesn't mean he will stop pining over your site! Good luck!
Green Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 From my manly point of view he is definetly thinking about you but he so scared of the future that he screws up the present move on he;ll have to win you back if he wants you!
Guest Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 What the heck is going on? You broke up with him and are disappointed he's not playing the "chase me" game to show you he wants you back? What kind of immature girl are you? Do him and yourself a favor. Let him do whatever he wants and stop worrying about it. Find another boyfriend. And with the next one, try to do other things to prove your love to each other besides playing the "he's got to win me back if I break up with him" game. You guys BROKE UP. Just because he misses you and pines over you, doesn't mean your relationship will now magically work out if you get back together in an emotional reunion. Chances are you, he hasn't really changed and neither have you. Do you understand this concept?
Green Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 What the heck is going on? You broke up with him and are disappointed he's not playing the "chase me" game to show you he wants you back? What kind of immature girl are you? Do him and yourself a favor. Let him do whatever he wants and stop worrying about it. Find another boyfriend. And with the next one, try to do other things to prove your love to each other besides playing the "he's got to win me back if I break up with him" game. You guys BROKE UP. Just because he misses you and pines over you, doesn't mean your relationship will now magically work out if you get back together in an emotional reunion. Chances are you, he hasn't really changed and neither have you. Do you understand this concept? That was great but slightly hostile:mad:
Guest Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Hi OP, I think you should ignore the last guest post. I think their perception of this situation is highly incorrect. I don't believe you are an immature person who is playing games as they put it. The scenario does not lead to this conclusion if rationally read. I understand that you two broke up, as you said you walked away. Judging from the information you presented, it sounds as if you didn't want to walk away but his uncertainty left perhaps just that option. You two very much still are in love, but perhaps logistics has gotten in the way. You haven't directly stated what the uncertainty was so I can only assume. This isn't a cut and dry situation where one party wants the other to disappear like most break-ups. I think his actions are self-destructing just as the other poster mentioned. Reminiscing is not the way to move on. Clearly he has not moved on and is struggling with his own emotions and the thoughts of what you two shared. This could be good for him because he can learn from this sense of loss; perhaps he will gain a greater drive in pursuing things worth fighting for, even if it means you two do not reconnect. You are doing good by not contacting him as this would prolong the emotional strife he is going through. This illustrates that you are NOT immature and playing games. You are doing the right thing by coming here instead of questioning him directly. Continue to stay away, let him sort his thoughts out. Don't discourage him via your homepage, leave a short blurb that says I still want to be with you but nothing more. It is encouraging and he will know that the possibility still is there if he can get past HIS uncertainty. If time presents a solution to your 'future' situation, your blurb will invite him to contact you. Until then continue to move on yourself. Doing so might even provide a solution on your side. Good luck
Green Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 to many guests putting up opinions in this thread I have a conspiracy theory that they are all the same person! does that make me paranoind?
Spurned Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 Well, I agree with the guest poster who says you should just forget about him and move on. You broke up with him. You two are likely the same people you were one month ago, right? Has there been some sort of cataclysmic change that will make your relationship much more successful if you get back together? I don't think people should break up to "shake up" their relationship or to see if it will foment a miraculous change in the other person. If it takes a breakup to do such a thing, perhaps there is someone more compatible with you than your ex. Someone with whom you won't have such an insecure future. I don't know how many breakups you've had, but it's normal to pine for someone who has broken up with you. Like someone else said, it doesn't necessarily mean it's a good idea to get back together. Sometimes you just miss the companionship, emotions, and sex. But let's say you are genuine when you say you miss him and he genuinely misses you too. Why don't you contact him first? Or is it YOUR own "pride" that stops you from doing so? Why is it more important for you to maintain your pride and not for your ex-boyfriend to maintain his? If you are waiting for him to be the first to crack and to chase after you, then you are playing a game. If you feel it's more important for you to have your pride and for him to swallow his, then you are applying a different standard to his behavior than yours. Another guest poster mentioned leaving a blurb about still wanting to be with him. I completely disagree with this idea. Do you want to be a girl who breaks up with her boyfriend only to leave mind-boggling messages like, "I still want to be with you" on your webpage? It's kind of emotionally manipulative. If the breakup was a mistake on your part, own up to it and apologize and swallow your pride. Issues like this make the "shakeup breakup" a bad idea. A breakup should be just that. Look at it this way: now you're free to find a guy with whom you feel you can develop a secure future.
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