abitconfused Posted September 3, 2006 Posted September 3, 2006 As some may know about this co-worker. Well I am just wondering what she is thinking. There has been, emails, touching, hugging and some very open flirting. She says she would never go through with any of it but means its. See she has a serious boyfriend/fiance' and he fathers her 1yo child. She is having some problems at home with him. I am single and got wrapped so much into it hoping I could pull her away. It just ain't happening. I have some really nice professional style hockey jerseys I play in and showed them to her. I was getting ready to leave work for the night and when I returned to the room she had one on. I mean we have had the talks, she has now given me a very good reason why she won't leave her boyfriend/fiance' but why would she do these things to me? Is she waiting for me to make a bigger step or is she just wanting the attention from me because she is not getting the attention at home? Thanks for reading.
Yoohoo Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 Sounds to me she is just trying to reassure herself that she wouldn't cheat on her boyfriend/fiance. And yes, you should make the first move, if that's where you want to take it...she probably never will, even though she wants it to happen.
bluechocolate Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 .....but why would she do these things to me? Maybe she's just a cock teaser? Is she waiting for me to make a bigger step or is she just wanting the attention from me because she is not getting the attention at home? Does it really matter why? The solution to her problems at home aren't going to be found in inappropriate behaviour with co-workers. She knows that. If you really want to know then make a move, better yet stop participating in her silly little game.
Sand&Water Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 Abitconfused, Does the female co-worker initiate talk with you, or allows you to approach her in an open manner? You must understand. She is in control of the situation. Without her acceptance there is no chance that her heart will gravitate to you. She is able to pin point fatherly figures. She is able to pin point longlasting relationships. You, at this point, are not at target.
Interloper Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 RUN, abitconfused. Run a mile! This woman is dangerous and will bring you down
Interloper Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 What i was trying to say is, she is using you as her emotional crutch.
Author abitconfused Posted September 4, 2006 Author Posted September 4, 2006 Abitconfused, Does the female co-worker initiate talk with you, or allows you to approach her in an open manner? You must understand. She is in control of the situation. Without her acceptance there is no chance that her heart will gravitate to you. She is able to pin point fatherly figures. She is able to pin point longlasting relationships. You, at this point, are not at target. Oh she definately initiates. if you really want some insight. How about this. She is breast feeding still. She has talked to me on the phone while pumping at work or even at home. The first time she did it, all I heard was the pump and some giggling. Then she hung up. We are open for sure and she does the old bumping my chair as she walks by. I know a lot about her personal life. I have told her I wanted to kiss her but she never told me not to or go ahead. Remember she does have a fiance' but no rings. I just don't want to to be mad at me either but I have the feeling I have to try it. I know there is interest on her side but I am feeling a bit used. She has to know what she is doing to me. SO how do I play it?
Author abitconfused Posted September 4, 2006 Author Posted September 4, 2006 RUN, abitconfused. Run a mile! This woman is dangerous and will bring you down Yeah I know that is running through my mind too. But I can't run and 4 days a week I am sitting within 15 feet or less. My big problem I am too nice and if I were an @SS and didn't care she would mean nothing. But she does. Do I try the less attention thing so she wants me more? I have a couple good friends that are girls and they say she knows exactly what she is doing. They told me to get over it and forget about her. It just ain't that easy. Oh just to add..we have talked after work, she has met me to go swiming with her child at my brothers house. We were alone many times and talked. So maybe now its just a little clearer, my situation.
bluechocolate Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 I have a couple good friends that are girls and they say she knows exactly what she is doing. They told me to get over it and forget about her. It just ain't that easy. Your friends are right. It ain't easy because you've convinced yourself that there is something more here than what actually is. She's playing you & most likely the man she is supposed to marry as well. Start dating someone who is available & somewhat sane, but I'm beginning to suspect that you like the drama. Do I try the less attention thing so she wants me more? Uh, no. You try the less attention thing to get her out of your life. Anyway, I'm not sure what all the angst is about. If you're convinced she's interested in more then just go for it & see what happens. My bet is she'll turn you down & then turn on the charm even more.
Author abitconfused Posted September 4, 2006 Author Posted September 4, 2006 I have a couple good friends that are girls and they say she knows exactly what she is doing. They told me to get over it and forget about her. It just ain't that easy. Your friends are right. It ain't easy because you've convinced yourself that there is something more here than what actually is. She's playing you & most likely the man she is supposed to marry as well. Start dating someone who is available & somewhat sane, but I'm beginning to suspect that you like the drama. Do I try the less attention thing so she wants me more? Uh, no. You try the less attention thing to get her out of your life. Anyway, I'm not sure what all the angst is about. If you're convinced she's interested in more then just go for it & see what happens. My bet is she'll turn you down & then turn on the charm even more. Yeah but I am really not the drama type, I never want games. I just really have those feelings for her and want to be with her. It just suddenly came, she was never what I expected to be interested in and that alone makes me wonder if I should give up. I think some of you are right. I think I am just going to have to make the move and see what she does. Then I will know what path has been chosen. I have been always a play it safe person. I won't do it to at least tomorrow so everyone keep those suggestions and comments coming. I will let you know how things go.
Interloper Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 They told me to get over it and forget about her. It just ain't that easy. Yeah i no man, it's not always easy. Do u need me to come round and smack it out of you? If you put the moves on her, there is a strong chance that you won't get anywhere. She already has her fiance to provide her with sex. It's obvious that she is not getting the emotional nourishment from him. That's where you come in. btw, have u ever heard of the phrase "never sh#t in your nest"? If things turn messy you will have to be around her everyday at work at who knows what could happen. Do u value you job?
bluechocolate Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 Yeah but I am really not the drama type, I never want games. Then why start now?
Author abitconfused Posted September 6, 2006 Author Posted September 6, 2006 Yeah it aint happening. Not really sure what the hell the last 3 months were about but apparently I was just part of her trying to cope with the problems she has. I may need a little smack. I never mess around at work but it was all different, so I thought. Same BS. I guess I will go back to my padded room.
Adunaphel Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 I suggest that you do not make moves on her. Even if it worked, all you'd end up doing is probably playing second fiddle. She was honest about not wanting to leave her bf, and yet she is stringing you along - it could be either for an ego boost or for getting the attention and emotional connection she is not getting at home. She could genuinely like you and not meaning to use you, yet, she is getting some of her emotional needs met at your expenses. I suggest to ask her straight away to stop flirting with you - and possibly tell you what she *exactly* wants from you, since she is the one who initiates the talking and flirting. Tell her that you do not want an affair, and that you like her but do not want to end up hurt - so you would appreciate if she stopped the flirting. tell her to work on her relationship instead, and that you will be more than happy to date her if she leaves her bf.
Author abitconfused Posted September 7, 2006 Author Posted September 7, 2006 Thanks Adun. Yeah she is never going to leave him. She is not to happy with me. I told her how it is. I don't like playing games or telling people what they want to hear. See her BF has some serious issues. They were not going to have kids. Well oops. Now they do. I simply told her that the BF problems will not go away and she would have to deal with them her whole life. I told her 20 years from now when her son is 21 and she is 44 she will look back to this day. Look at her life and see where its gone and factor in the effects its had on her son. She was not happy. I am older than her but not old enough to be her father. I regret putting it this way but I just told her ya know when kids are mad at ther parents for some reason. Well all the parents were trying to do was help and save them from what they know from experience in life. Just like me. I know we would date but she is so wrapped up in "fixing" her problem with him she is, what I think, living a fairy tale and not looking at the long tearm reality. It is really too bad. But it is what she chose and no one will be able to change that. She will have to learn for herself. It just sucks because I am a really nice guy. I can do almost anything and very creative. House, good respected carrer. She would be happy and she does not need to live a life of problems. Such is life I guess.
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