moaning and wining seeking

[kyle]

Well,first of all,I have to say this is a good site to express your feelings and get support.I was preatty amazed when i was searching through the post,how many people reply to some other people problems...amazing and it is great to feel you are not alone and someone feel your pain.keep it up!

 

 

Ok here it is...my problem...issue...life...

I've been with the same girl(she is ukrainian and i am polish by the way)for 5 years now,We have a house,lovely big doggie,cars and good jobs at the moment.I'm 28,she is 23,so there is not a big age difference between us,i guess.

One month ago my gf went to Seattle to see her family for a week.Went camping with her brother,his gf and...his roomaid for 4 days.(guy has a wife and 2 kids in russia,he is 36 half bold well educated guy being here illegaly working as a contractor installing hw floors).I know they all had a good time,i saw the pictures when she cameback,but...the truth is the person i ever loved never cameback at all!!!She has changed so drasticly in a week being there that I don't recognize her anymore.On the first day whe she flew back from seattle she was crying and pushing me to marry her otherwise she would leave me.I told her i wasn't ready for next step yet and that was it.Then she became cold for a few days but everything came back to normal.Then she told me that her mother was very ill and she needed to go back to seattle for 3 months to help her out and have some time for herself to think thighs through on her own...without me.

I know she left her parents for me when she was 18.I took her into my house,helped her with her career and opened her eyes at the world and how cruel it could be out there.She followed all my counceling and listened to my preaching...always.She grew up to be a good woman...And then all of sudden I lost my job,3 cars,my place and became financialy and emotionaly unstable for 1 year.She was there for me all the time.She helped me regain my dignity and my life.We bought new house and started new life.yes,he had some heated words and fights in our relationship,but who never had thosd days?We loved each other a lot,untill about a month ago...My life turned into hell!

I did not trust her about Seattle and started spying on her.I bugged my pc with keylogger that she had no idea about.I discovered the cruel truth.Pictures of 36 years old guy at first and ,of course,I asked her about him-she said he is just a good friend,her brothers'roomaid and when she is going to move to seattle she would stay with both of them under the same roof,becouse her parents are very sensitive and will not allow her to go out and smoke.I did not like that idea at all and told her if she will do that I don't want her to comeback to me anymore...she understood.

Then i've found...2 love letters that she wrote to him 5 days ago in her email.Words so powerfull that I was chocking wher reading it(it's a shame she copy and pasted everything out of the book she has found on the net hehehe) and I started raising the hell.She told me she doesn't love him at all and tried to lie to me and said that those letters were for a girl who was living together with her brother and that guy but had no email,that is why sha had to send them to him.I did no belive her at all!Then she said she did send them to him...We broke up...for a couple of days I was ok with it,but the biggest issue was that she was and will be staying with me untill october 21 due to school which she cannot transfer to Seattle.Then we started to talk about our belongings...all the things we share.She said she want to sell the dog,leave everything for me and....stop paying for the house so bank could foreclosure on it!!??It is a crazy idea.House is under her name and her credit will be damaged big time,but she just doesn't care anymore and I cannot take care of everything myself.Selling is not an option right now.We are still in the middle of adding second story to it,so noone will buy it like that before the winter.

She said she wants to go...Told me she rather be with married man than me in my eyes when I confronted her about him again...She knows and her cousin had try to talk to her about this guy(he knows him and said it will never happen and never last)but she did not care...

Today we went for a conversation into the park and we started to talk.Turned out she has been talking to this guy,chocking down depression pills and going through some counceling on the phone every 2 days with the therapist.She told me in the face that she doesn't want anymore relationships with no one ever again,she wants to have one night stands only,so nobody will get attached to her and she won't hurt no one else like she hurted me.She told me that she has been trying to change who she realy was for the past 2 years,but couldn't do it and failed.Told me that she never cheated on me,but had a thoughts and fantasies about other man.Told me that she doesn't know how she feels about that 36 year old guy either but thought about talking him into divorcing his wife and being with her only and only so she could dump him later on.She told me that this is something that she likes to do...take advantage of the guy and dump him later one last time before she will start living her single life,like she stated.Than she told me she just wanted to sleep with him once.I could not belive what I've heard!!!I was shocked and bursted with tears...begged her not to say those things anymore!She started to cry as well but nothing has changed and that was her final decision about her life.She said that I was a very good man and she doesn't deserve me after what she did and lied to me.I told her I will forgive her and help her to get through this but she refused.I begged her to stay with me and she said if I won't let her go she would go and have sex with enybody just to hurt me and help me to hate her and kick her out of my life forever.She told me that even if I told her to cameback from Seattle like she wanted me to do,she wouldn't.She said that was a lie as well just to keep me of her back untill she is ready to go there,so I wouldn't beg her to stay with me.

I am devastated and have no life left in me at all.I had nothing to eat 6 days right now...only water and started throwing up with blood today.She heard me in the bathroom downstairs and ran to me and started to cry.Told me she doesn't want to see me that way and is worried about me.She told me she still has feeling for me but not like before.The "butterflies"in her stomach are long gone and there is nothing she can do about it.She is a bad person.I told her this is not true!You are a good person but you have to find the right path in life.Then she helped me to lay down on my bed and she sat nex to me crying for one hour...

I cannot go on without her,so we decided to fake our relationship for next 2 months,so I wouldn' hurt so bad anymore.I know all you guys will sai"don't do it" but I just want to feel real love again,be hugged and kissed while she is still here and not to think about it untill she will go...

The word that she said today just killed me...She said even if we were married and had kids she would go and cheat behind my back.She said that this is what kind of a person she is and she cannot help it..Can you belive it?Someone is telling you those bad thigs and calling herself a slut?Would you belive that person?is this truth?I cannot belive it and my choice is not to belive it.I know nobody in the world that would say those things...she is the first one,I guess.

Please all the good homo sapiens(human) out there help me get through this difficult time,help me understand and guide me..please....I cannot live like this...what shall I do?What must I do?I need you.......how do I win her back?

[norajane]

I don't think you can win her back - she sounds like she's not able to have any kind of real relationship at this point in her life. Maybe she was too young when the two of you got involved, and she's now struggling with her self-identity and changing feelings.

 

You said she has a therapist that she sees regularly? That's probably the best thing for her - I don't think that you can do much to help her as she sounds very confused and self-destructive.

 

The only thing you can do is finish up that second story, sell the house (not the dog!!), and begin separating your lives in a reasonable way.

[Guest]

Than you for some advice...I will continue to love her probably for a long time.It's not easy just to forget all the things and time we spent together.She was and still is love of my life and how can I learn to trust somebody again when an angel lied to me?How can I go on?What to do in the next two months?we still will be living together and after that time,there will be nothing and no one left in my life...I cannot belive I am writing this and tears just droping one by one...How could I fall in love so deep?How to get up and be a man again?I will need loooong time to rethink my life for sure and not to make the same mistakes anymore...oh god I need a hug and kiss right now...

[thekhris]

what is the age rate of a girl when everyone says shes too young?