Teacher's Pet Posted September 3, 2006 Posted September 3, 2006 So, tonight I went out for dinner and karaoke with my best friend. Yes, the one that still has contact with my ex. Everything was fine until someone just HAD to sing a Bon Jovi song. I swear to God, I wanted to run screaming and crying out the door and head-on into traffic. I can't believe how much music affects my life. With every girl I ever dated, there were songs that were so personal to us, that after the relationship was over, hearing those songs would send me into a fit of sadness like you've never seen. I'm 35 years old now. I thought I'm over that. I can't hear ANY Bon Jovi song without crying. My ex worships Jon Bon Jovi (remember, we're Jersey people) and I bought us tickets for her birthday to see them right before we broke up..... so now..... Bon Jovi = bad memory. It's worse with my last gf. Not only did I lose the "right" to enjoy certain songs, I've lost entire musical artists. I can't listen to Bon Jovi, Lionel Ritchie, Def Leppard, or pretty much ANY 80's rock/glam music without wanting to slit my wrists. It's bad enough certain songs have been permanently burned into my heart thanks to past relationships, but now, it's just so f'ing ridiculous..... Here's a list of music you WON'T hear on my next "Greatest Hits" album.... 1. Enjoy The Silence (Depeche Mode) - no ex involved, was the song I heard when I found out my grandfather had died. 2. The Rose (Bette Midler) - If you sing it around me, it will become a murder-suicide. 3. Tears (Rush) - A rare Rush song, but it was close to me and my...umm..."first" 4. Bernadette (The Four Tops) - I think you know what the "B" stands for now in my posts..... 5. You've Got The Touch (Alabama) - first song I ever "serenaded" B with..... 6. Hello (Lionel Ritchie) - first song B and I ever made love to..... 7. ANYTHING by Bon Jovi, but ESPECIALLY: Always (my ringtone for B), Bad Medicine, You Give Love A Bad Name, or pretty much any of their top hits, for that matter..... 8. Pour Some Sugar On Me/Photograph (Def Leppard) - B and I are 80's music freaks, and we'd sing these songs in her car on our way out to clubs.... 9. Wish You Were Here (Pink Floyd) - just because. 10. Leaving On A Jet Plane (?) - We used to sing it all the time, kind of as an inside joke we had. 11. Sweet Child O' Mine (Guns N' Roses) - First song I ever dedicated to B....and my original ring tone for her. 12. Nothing Else Matters (Metallica) - This song was close to me and someone else I dated about 3 years ago. I've since reclaimed this song as my own...I'm a LONGTIME Metallica fan, so no one will take THAT from me! 13. Total Eclipse Of The Heart (Bonnie Tyler) - A song very close to the heart for me and my ex of 6 years "H". Still makes me very, VERY sad. 14. Silent Lucidity (Queensryche) - a song I dedicated to my deceased, unborn child. If you know the lyrics, you'll know why. And now, on top of all of this.... tonight, my best friend sends out one of those "reply to this and your wish will come true" chain letters. Just as a goof, I started to reply to it, wishing that B would realize what she let go of, and how much I miss her, love her, and want her back... and then I noticed she was in the "reply to" list just before I hit SEND..... I stopped myself. Barely. I really wonder what B would wish for. Does she miss me? Does she love me? Does she even care anymore? I talked to my best friend a little about this on the ride home tonight. She's kinda sad because she just broke up with her bf (he's an ass), but she's being really strong about it. She's like "Look. You need to get her out of your head once and for all. Tomorrow, I'm going to call her to tell her about me and (her now-ex). I won't bring you up, but I'll use her reaction to that to gauge how she might be feeling about you. I won't bring you into the conversation, but I'll see if she brings you up at all and just feel her out..." I really don't know if I want her doing this, but at the same time, I just want to either end this once and for all, get back together with her, or find some sort of middle ground that I can deal with. I know she's been with other guys since me, so hearing this would be nothing new..... I just want to finally get this nightmare over, or get back my fantasy.... either way, I really can't take much more of this. Tomorrow I'm having lunch with my father and my younger brother (18). Second time I'm seeing them in 11 years. Yeah, we're close. It's amazing that before a year ago, I hadn't seem my younger brother since he was FIVE. Now he's a freshman in college and an aspiring hockey player, and my other brother is 23 and a fireman in Florida! Because of a falling out I had with my dad over 10 years ago, I missed seeing my brothers grow up. That's a lot of pain for someone like me, who already has a life full of grief to live with. I love those guys. I love my father too. He contacted me out of the blue about a year and a half ago, saying it was time for him to be "a man", and to start being "a father" to me. I'm giving him that chance, but it's still hard for me to accept I have a father, and 2 younger brothers. Combine the confusion of "re-discovering" my family with a recent breakup with the one woman I thought would change my life around, my mother's questionable long-term health, my finances, the death of my own child 8 years ago, and basically anything else I can pile on top of this **** I call my life, and it's amazing I'm not a) an alcoholic, b) an addict, c) dead. But I fight on, because I know you never truly lose until you stop fighting. And I'm not done. I have a purpose, I just haven't found it yet. After recent events, I think I'm better off forgetting about my own love life, and just helping people with theirs.... I think I'm better at solving everyone else's problems. Sad, confused, and tired, -tp
burning 4 revenge Posted September 3, 2006 Posted September 3, 2006 Well, pretty much any 80's glam/rock band makes me want to slit my wrists too, but not for nostalgic reasons. Too bad about Enjoy the Silence though, that's such a fantastic song. What happened to Martin Gore anyway, it's like R. Smith, his genius just evaporated. I'm putting on some DP right now, in honor of my friend TP. As far as living life for others, don't give up on yourself. You don't have to feel as though your life is meaningless and you have to become Mother Teresa. Your'e a funny and smart guy ,maybe give writing a shot as a hobby. I keep saying I'm going to but I'm such a master-procrastinator.
the_alchemyst Posted September 3, 2006 Posted September 3, 2006 I don't understand you title. If you're subjecting yourself to it, doesn't that imply that you are doing so voluntarily? If you are, then doesn't that imply that you enjoy, in some way or another, feeling like this? If so, then is that not contradictory to what you want: To not feel the torture by either a) having her come back or b) moving on. In either case, the torture would be gone, and happiness found, either rekindled with her, or kindled with another. So, I ask you: What's the point? I would advice against your friend doing this. If she does, then ask her to not tell you. What is she says she misses you? What would you do? Just because she misses you doesn't mean she still loves you. And what if she doesn't bring you up at all or says that she doesn't miss you? She will won't love you. And, worst of all, what is she says she loves you and misses you? Just because she says that doesn't mean she's going to come back to you, is thinking about coming back to you, or even wants to come back to you. You know I like you and that I don't mean to be harsh with you, but I truly don't want to hear you're sad anymore. You have been out on several dates, yet for some reason or another, they always end the same way: badly. And well, I can't help but wonder: How much damage are you subconsciously dealing to these dates? By going out with A and still thinking about or comparing with B (pun intended), you are indubitably setting not only yourself, but the date for sabotage. And you may be doing so subconsciously. The bottom line, TP, is that if she wants to come back, she will no matter what. It won't matter to her that several years have elapsed, it won't matter to her that you have moved on, it won't matter to her that you don't want her to come back--nothing will matter to her, because if she loves you enough, she will make that final effort, even if all odds are against her. The problem is what you wish it happened NOW, but you know, that's not how it works. Only she will decide if and when she comes back, regardless of what you do or don't do. Sure, you can heed the advice of some here and pretend that you have moved on that she will inevitably do what most ex's do: come back. But is that what you want? More lies and more intrigue? It's not fair for yourself. I can tell you this, B4R can tell you something else, X, Y, and Z can tell you other things, but you know what? In the end it'll all be up to you, and you will have to decide whether you want to continue subjecting yourself to torture, thus nulling any and all chance at happiness of if you're going to be sincere and honest and fair with yourself, no matter how difficult. Think of her. You know her more than we do. What do you think she feels? Take that feeling, lock it up, harbor no hatred, and resume living your life, and that is my honest advice. Just please, don't be so sad. I can totally empathize with you and with some of the songs on your list, especially the Pink Floyd and Def Leppard ones. Don't be sad.
loveinlife Posted September 3, 2006 Posted September 3, 2006 Yep, songs that reminds you of your ex sucks... I began to hate the artist that my ex likes. Feels great to hate them...lol Best thing to do is not listen to them. Let others know that it bothers you, but don't give up what you feel strongly about. Listen to yourself and follow through. _____________________________ Sometimes what we feel about our past is a false alarm, bc that is not real, what is real is the present.
Recommended Posts