Frustrated_in_LA Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 even though we've been dating for 2 months. He's a perfect gentleman in every other waY. We talk every day, he takes me out weekly to nic eplaces and we have a great tim etogther, we both enjoy having sex (we both have very strong libidos and are very well matched sexually), he is very affectionate to me, even in public, he's met my sister and many of my friends and everyone likes him, tells me he's really into me. these are the great things that 99% of the time have me smiling randomly in the middle of my day. but.... he has a one of those friendster/myspace/facebook webpages where he says he's single and looking to date. I know one way to deal with this is to igmore it- its a webpage after all and we spend real time together. However, it bothers me because that is how we met. I saw him online, saw that he was single and open to dating, and started an online exchange with him. about two months later he asked me out and we've been steadily seeing each other since. After we started dating, he told me that when we started chatting online, he was actually seeing someone and that the relationship had lasted about 3 months before he ended just before he asked me out. He's also told me he's a serial monogamist- someone who goes from one relationship to the next with little time actually being single. So my concern is this- if he started talking to me when he was really in a relationship (even a short one) but calling himself single, am I letting myself be set up for the same end that his last s.o. met? is he setting up his next relationship while he's with me? part of me wants to ask him to change his online staus and to commit to me, at least for the time being (i'm not looking to be married just yet, for chrissakes). on the other hand, i don't really want to have to ask him to do anything for me- if he wants to be in a relationship with me, one in which he's not telling others he's still single, then he should just do that. I'm thinking that I should pull back- to self-protect really- not see him as often, maybe even go on a few dates with other people, in the literal sense, shop around, because I feel myself getting more and more emotionally invested and I don't want to end up in a situation where I am emotionally committed and he's not. I'll end up really insecure, resentful and angry. I deserve better. so basic question- should I take his "I'm single" notice as a cue that I should still be looking around too? or do I just ask him to change his status? If I do the latter, and he doesn't want to do it, then its over. and I'm not sure I really want to be over just yet.
allina Posted September 3, 2006 Posted September 3, 2006 Have you talked about making it official? Maybe he doesn't just want to change it and have you respond with "uhmm what? we're official?" I know that many people say that after a certain amount of time you become a couple but I think that it's something that needs to be made 100% clear. It seems like a healthy and happy relationship so why not bring it up?
Author Frustrated_in_LA Posted September 3, 2006 Author Posted September 3, 2006 yes, the more i think about it, the more i think you are right, I should put my insecurities aside and just be direct with him about what I'd like- I'd like it to be official- to establish clearly that we are a couple. I trust that he's not dating anyone else, and, more importanly, I trust his actions toward me- they speak louder than words. so I tink I'm safe in asking him to make his words match his actions. thanks!
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