scaredinlove Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 I've post here before...I love this MM and I am a MW myself.We been together for 4 yrs and now his wife finally caught us, she is not 100% sure she is questioning rumors she heard plus a very long phone bill with my number all over it. I feel anxious and relieved at the same time.She said she will contact my husband too. I feel anxious because I don't know how it is going to end.Sad because we all are going to be hurt and relived because I couldn't handle this situation any longer.I probably deserved all the S*** that is coming my way. I am ready to face the anger, but I am not ready o face losing my MM I love him like I haven't loved before. He is dening everything but it all too obvious and I don't know if I will deny,I am really sick of lying.I've been unhapply married for many years, I talked to my husband about separating but he always use the kids to make me stay. I am so sick of the situation that even thought I know hell is coming my way I am relieved because I will be able to be freed of this crazy situation. Wish me luck!!!!!!!!
whichwayisup Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 It's time now to tell your husband. Atleast he'll respect you for telling him the the truth. It will be worse if he hears it from the MM's wife. Sounds like you don't really love your husband and you want out. Or you're just letting the feelings for the MM cloud your real love for your husband, I don't know... Just keep in mind, as much as you love your MM, he MAY want to work things out with his wife...
movinon05 Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 Buckle down and be prepared for the ride of your life. I've been through a similar situation. Having come out the other side, there is one thing I can tell you. I'm in a much better place than I was when I was married and than when involved with the MM. As it all unfolds, you will eventually come to conclusions about your life. But it is no cake walk. If you want an idea, look up my thread "My Story". I suggest you take some time to think about what you really want. Although with all of these people involved, it may not be up to you. I wish you strength.
Author scaredinlove Posted September 2, 2006 Author Posted September 2, 2006 wichwayisup I was thinking the same but I don't feel strong enough to face the drama yet. Knowing my husband it won't make much of a difference if he hears from me or from the W, it is all too scary.You are probably right but I am really paralised at this moment Movingon05 I read your post, Very sad story.My MM said he won't leave her but he loves me. He want us to keep seeing each other but in a very secret way, be more carefull he said. Crazy ! Really sorry for all you went thru.I love my MM a lot too and I can imagine your pain.
whichwayisup Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 If you let him, you WILL be the OW forever. He's already told you he isn't leaving his wife, but secretly wants you on the side. DO NOT put up with that. It's degrading to you and you deserve more. Make a decision soon and stick to it. Maybe you owe it to your kids (if you have any), your marriage and most of all, your husband to try your best to make it work. Who knows? Maybe him finding out could be the best reason to FIX the problems, so life will get better. You really don't know how he is going to react, so just be prepared. And, for your OWN peace of mind, it should be you telling him...Not the MM's wife. I know you're scared and not ready for all that crap that is gonna hit you, but honestly, the longer you wait, the harder it will be. Go read Inapanic's situation in the Infidelity section. Similar to yours, but she came clean with her husband, and it sounds like he's sticking around...
RealityCheck Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 wichwayisup I was thinking the same but I don't feel strong enough to face the drama yet. Knowing my husband it won't make much of a difference if he hears from me or from the W, it is all too scary.You are probably right but I am really paralised at this moment Movingon05 I read your post, Very sad story.My MM said he won't leave her but he loves me. He want us to keep seeing each other but in a very secret way, be more carefull he said. Crazy ! Really sorry for all you went thru.I love my MM a lot too and I can imagine your pain. Real love is not kept as a secret! An A is a rollar coaster ride of emotions. Now you are faced with the compounded problem of dealing with the truth to your H. I agree with MO. You will now be riding the wave of shear Hell! I wish you peace and balance through this walk.
TheSilentType Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 If you let him, you WILL be the OW forever. He's already told you he isn't leaving his wife, but secretly wants you on the side. DO NOT put up with that. It's degrading to you and you deserve more. I know you mean well WWIU...you are a voice of reason like me.... But there is no point reasoning with these type of people. They are just going to do it anyway. They are a lost cause....don't waste your effort
HokeyReligions Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 I'm not trying to bash you, I'm just curious about something. You say you love your MM like you've never loved before, but he obviously does not love you as much or in the same - not enough to leave his wife for you. Is that enough for you? If you find yourself single and he stays married won't you want him to leave his wife and be with you? And you said you have kids. If you divorce who will have custody? Do you want full custody of the kids? Is that what is keeping your MM from leaving his wife and being with you -- he doesn't want to be a step-father? Good luck with the situation. Its not going to be easy on anyone - especially the kids. You'll have to be very strong for them.
whichwayisup Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 I know you mean well WWIU...you are a voice of reason like me.... But there is no point reasoning with these type of people. They are just going to do it anyway. They are a lost cause....don't waste your effort Thank you for the compliment! Maybe, maybe not, but right now it's obvious she isn't thinking clearly at all, but one day she WILL...And she'll understand what I'm saying and what others are saying... Noone's a lost cause. Time and the reality of her situation will fix that unfortunately for her...And it will be a painful lesson, for everybody.
Author scaredinlove Posted September 2, 2006 Author Posted September 2, 2006 My MM is afraid he won't be able to provide for me and the kids, he dosen't want lose part of the money to his wife and he is afarid his kids won't ever talk to him again and that my kids will hate him., he has grown kids around my age .We have a gap. He says if he was younger things would be different but at this stage of life he is afraid he will be more a problem too me than a help, he is not that old or sick but he is afraid. He also is afraid that things won't work out betwenn us and he will end up alone. Reality I am not thinking straight that is why I am here asking for help and that is why I don't want to do any move now.The W is sending my husband a letter my MM didn't give her the adress yet, I know she will probably find it easaly but I am the only one with the key for the mail box, now if she calls him which she will probably do it will be a problem. I am just trying to wait until my mind cools down to make the right move.This all start 48 hrs ago. As for my husband he hasn't beem very nice too me, he never work steady and that been a major problem in our marriage(13 yrs), now he is working and I am afraid if he finds out he will walk out of work again like he did in the past to punish me.I fear he might become violent, I don't know.. The kids if we divorce will be with me, no question about it.As a matter of fact, when I told him I want out he said he would disapear and neither I or the kids would get a penny from him or see him ever again. He is not a nice man and that what made me go out for love.I felt I as in prison and now I am in a bigger mess then before. I feel like a tornado is coming my way and I have no shelter. I also toght in contacting the W and asking her not to contact him, but I don't think that will work.
RealityCheck Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 My MM is afraid he won't be able to provide for me and the kids, he dosen't want lose part of the money to his wife and he is afarid his kids won't ever talk to him again and that my kids will hate him., he has grown kids around my age .We have a gap. He says if he was younger things would be different but at this stage of life he is afraid he will be more a problem too me than a help, he is not that old or sick but he is afraid. He also is afraid that things won't work out betwenn us and he will end up alone. Reality I am not thinking straight that is why I am here asking for help and that is why I don't want to do any move now.The W is sending my husband a letter my MM didn't give her the adress yet, I know she will probably find it easaly but I am the only one with the key for the mail box, now if she calls him which she will probably do it will be a problem. I am just trying to wait until my mind cools down to make the right move.This all start 48 hrs ago. As for my husband he hasn't beem very nice too me, he never work steady and that been a major problem in our marriage(13 yrs), now he is working and I am afraid if he finds out he will walk out of work again like he did in the past to punish me.I fear he might become violent, I don't know.. The kids if we divorce will be with me, no question about it.As a matter of fact, when I told him I want out he said he would disapear and neither I or the kids would get a penny from him or see him ever again. He is not a nice man and that what made me go out for love.I felt I as in prison and now I am in a bigger mess then before. I feel like a tornado is coming my way and I have no shelter. I also toght in contacting the W and asking her not to contact him, but I don't think that will work. I feel for you! Honestly I do! I am no stranger to a miserable marriage, but I did know that an A would have complicated the situation and certainly was not the answer. I too, felt the fear of leaving, however, I was not going to succumb to that fear! For me, whether I left in one piece or died trying it was far better than living a miserable existance with the exH. I can believe without a doubt that your mind is racing. I would suggest you get yourself to a Lawyer, who will in turn suggest the legal processes for your own safety. You mentioned that you H seldom worked. You should be no stranger to managing lack of financial support. Certainly there is something that you can get to help you with your children. You have described a very disfunctional marriage and my first thought would be to get your children into a healthy enviornment. As far a the MM, I know it is easier said than done and it is a process that I am familiar with as well. But, do you really need to burden yourself with a MM's bull**** along with what is important to your well being and your children? Baby steps are in order. The first order of business is seeking legal advice. Good Luck. Keep us posted.
justice Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 Honey listen to me. I am the betrayed wife in a situation much like your own. I truly love my husband and I'm willing to fight like all hell to keep him and I did. He is still with me, has cut off our OW and we actually had to get a restraining order for her because she was doing some pretty violent things. Long story short, before all of this went down he was telling her the same exact story yours is telling you. Now he is fighting to keep her in jail because of the things she was doing not only towards me but him as well. You need to think about this long and hard. There are those of us wives who will fight to the death and things can get really ugly. I'm not bashing on you, I just want you to know that you are in for some pretty bad times ahead. Do you really want this? Look at what has come out of it so far, is it worth it? If he isn't going to leave his wife then you need to pull yourself out while you still can. I wish you peace and wisdom in this situation.
Author scaredinlove Posted September 3, 2006 Author Posted September 3, 2006 Honey listen to me. I am the betrayed wife in a situation much like your own. I truly love my husband and I'm willing to fight like all hell to keep him and I did. He is still with me, has cut off our OW and we actually had to get a restraining order for her because she was doing some pretty violent things. Long story short, before all of this went down he was telling her the same exact story yours is telling you. Now he is fighting to keep her in jail because of the things she was doing not only towards me but him as well. You need to think about this long and hard. There are those of us wives who will fight to the death and things can get really ugly. I'm not bashing on you, I just want you to know that you are in for some pretty bad times ahead. Do you really want this? Look at what has come out of it so far, is it worth it? If he isn't going to leave his wife then you need to pull yourself out while you still can. I wish you peace and wisdom in this situation. Thank you justice and I am sorry for your situation.I am a non-violent person and I won't fight for a lost cause. If he wants her ,and he was at least honest enough to tell me the only way he would leave her was if she left him, them I am out with a broken heart. She said she will leave him, but I think she didn't mean it she was just very angry. You are right it is not worth to go on with this crazy situation. I have been very bad of making choices in my life and I guess that is my wake up call. I feel very bad to cause this woman suffering...I just want things to work out. I hope things turn OK for all of us.
Author scaredinlove Posted September 3, 2006 Author Posted September 3, 2006 I feel for you! Honestly I do! I am no stranger to a miserable marriage, but I did know that an A would have complicated the situation and certainly was not the answer. I too, felt the fear of leaving, however, I was not going to succumb to that fear! For me, whether I left in one piece or died trying it was far better than living a miserable existance with the exH. I can believe without a doubt that your mind is racing. I would suggest you get yourself to a Lawyer, who will in turn suggest the legal processes for your own safety. You mentioned that you H seldom worked. You should be no stranger to managing lack of financial support. Certainly there is something that you can get to help you with your children. You have described a very disfunctional marriage and my first thought would be to get your children into a healthy enviornment. As far a the MM, I know it is easier said than done and it is a process that I am familiar with as well. But, do you really need to burden yourself with a MM's bull**** along with what is important to your well being and your children? Baby steps are in order. The first order of business is seeking legal advice. Good Luck. Keep us posted. The problem is that I have been so familiar to not having money at all, that although I know this road I don't want go thru it again. My H is working now and I work too but my salary is not enough for me and the kids. I want to leave and eventually I will,but I am not half brave as you are. I hate conflicts so I settle to avoid fights that how I end up in this mess.Intead of facing my problems I got involved to another man to distract me and now I have too messes to clean up. How would a lawer help me and how you get one,in the yellow pages?Thanks for your support.
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