soconfused78 Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 For all you divorced/separated guys out there, I need your advice. I've been seeing a man about 5 months now who is separated. They have a daughter together, have been apart for over a year, and, from what I understand, the situation is pretty complicated. I don't ask much about the topic because I know it's difficult, and he tends to get very upset at the idea of "failure." My confusion is this... most of the time things are pretty good with us. Most of the time he is thoughtful and sweet and we make each other laugh all the time. Other times he withdraws, doesn't return phone calls, and acts pretty much like he could care less. A couple of days later, everything will be fine, but I am left feeling confused and hurt. I have never dated a man who was separated or divorced. I want to be there for him and be patient and understanding, but I also don't want to feel like I am being treated like a doormat. So, is this normal for guys in his situation to act this way? Can anyone shed some light on what's going on? Can anyone offer advice on what I should do on my end?
dgiirl Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 although I'm not a guy, my guess would be the commitment is scarying the hell out of him right now. But at the same time, he's enjoying the relationship and doesnt want to lose it. Thus he's good for a few days, then flips into anti-social mode, then flips back. I'm actually doing that myself with my friends. I can only handle so much social activities, then I withdraw for a few days, then i'm good to go again. In any case, I think you should talk to him about it.
Gunny376 Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 and in "Rubberband Man" mode. Men aren't like women. When we have things on our mind, we go into solitary confindment in our "caves" to figure things out. Men also tend to come close, then drift away ~ like a rubberband. This is why we spend so much time in our garages, basements, workshops, etc. Recommend you read "Men Are From Mars, and Women's Are From Venus" by Dr. John Gray. When you do, the lightbulb will go off, and you will have an "Ahhhhha!" moment.
Woggle Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 I don't know what caused his seperation but when a man's wife all of a sudden decides to leave him and he doesn't know why it can leave some pretty deep scars. It is very hard for him to trust a woman again and with the man you are seeing it is still fresh. Maybe it is too soon for him to be dating anybody and that is not a slight towards you.
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