Dedicated to my love

[simona]

The intense long stare,

The passionate smile and free spirit

Why do you do this to me

 

It is unbearable, it is hard

This relationship has no name

for it is called ulgy and shameful

 

But deep inside it know it is love

a god's blessing ,so pure so beautiful

 

I fear it will never last,

I fear you will forget me

for you are never mine

and I could never be yours

 

You know my weakness,

you understand me,

why make every breath difficult for me

 

 

My morning starts with your thoughts

the things you say, and some unsaid

I know you want me , I feel the same

But words unspoken

are best than never said

 

Maybe this was our fate

never to be together

but there is next life

and God shall be fair.

 

I love you to death

and I believe in God

I shall never ask you to be selfish

 

Do your duties, be a good father and a husband

I shall respect you for the man you are

I owe you my hapiness, the simple things

the unconditional love you give me

there are times I will pay for asking no more than this.

[Touche]

"Unconditional love"? Hmm...interesting. I would think it's VERY conditional indeed.

[simona]

Whatever you want to call it ? I perceive it as unconditional , as I see things better from my side, experiencing the intensity of it.

[simona]

or perhaps blinded and illusioned by love .

[burning 4 revenge]

Roses are red

Violets are blue

He's bonking his wife

When he's not bonking you

[once removed]

OUCH ....... but I guess your name says it all and your prob right but still OUCH!!!!!

[simona]

Roses are red

Violets are blue

He's bonking his wife

When he's not bonking youToday 1:22 AM

 

 

Forgive and forget,

It always help

Because I have nothing to say

to broken hearts and betrayed souls

 

My love is pure ,

I have accepted the reality of life

that keeps me going

and makes me strong

 

The sex is not an issue

I get it often from my spouse

What matters is the love

that dwells is my heart

for the one and only

MAN in my life

[JamesM]

Okay, you have accepted that he has you and his wife. You have sex with your spouse who is oblivious to the fact that you no longer love him. Your knight in shining armor has sex with you and his spouse...while obviously loving both.

 

You have accepted that the two of you cannot be together...why? Because you are married? Divorce happens often. Much as I am against divorce, I feel anger for the spouses of both of you. Surely they have helped cause this affair, but it is not fair to either of them that they must live in ignorance while missing out on the possibility that they, too, could have a lover who loves them like yours does. And still remain married like you do. They do not have the opportunity to win back your love, because they do not realize that it is lost.

 

Is this what you wanted out of life? A man who cannot unconditionally give you himself, his whole life, and his body...yet he can have your heart and body when he can fit it into his and your schedule? Did you desire the romance of "Madison County" while ignoring the fact that it is wrong?

 

I am sorry if I come off a bit harsh, but I find it difficult to romanticize what is obviously not fair to your spouses. And it is not fair to your children if you have them. Divorce is harsh on them, but lies and secrecy will be revealed. This will be an even greater pain, as they realize that commitments are "meant" to be broken.

 

And no, I am not perfect, but no, I have not fallen into an affair. Close...but these same thoughts I spoke to you were right at the forefront of MY mind.

 

Amazing what reality can do to "unconditional love."

[Touche]

Good post, James. And calling it "pure love" is a very big stretch in my opinion as well.

[stoopid_guy]

Is this what you wanted out of life? A man who cannot unconditionally give you himself, his whole life, and his body...yet he can have your heart and body when he can fit it into his and your schedule? Did you desire the romance of "Madison County" while ignoring the fact that it is wrong?

 

I am sorry if I come off a bit harsh, but I find it difficult to romanticize what is obviously not fair to your spouses. And it is not fair to your children if you have them. Divorce is harsh on them, but lies and secrecy will be revealed. This will be an even greater pain, as they realize that commitments are "meant" to be broken.

Unfortunatley, life is about compromise, it's not "black or white." "Lies and secrecy" are not always revealed. For that matter, a successful deception would not be discovered, so it's impossible to know how many there are. Sometimes cheaters "get away" with it.

[RealityCheck]

The intense long stare,

The passionate smile and free spirit

Why do you do this to me

 

It is unbearable, it is hard

This relationship has no name

for it is called ulgy and shameful

 

But deep inside it know it is love

a god's blessing ,so pure so beautiful

 

I fear it will never last,

I fear you will forget me

for you are never mine

and I could never be yours

 

You know my weakness,

you understand me,

why make every breath difficult for me

 

 

My morning starts with your thoughts

the things you say, and some unsaid

I know you want me , I feel the same

But words unspoken

are best than never said

 

Maybe this was our fate

never to be together

but there is next life

and God shall be fair.

 

I love you to death

and I believe in God

I shall never ask you to be selfish

 

Do your duties, be a good father and a husband

I shall respect you for the man you are

I owe you my hapiness, the simple things

the unconditional love you give me

there are times I will pay for asking no more than this.

 

HO-LY!! Did I just read this right??

 

I am all for supporting the pain but this is delusional!

 

I wish you well in your head space!

[Guest]

The sex is not an issue

I get it often from my spouse

What matters is the love

that dwells is my heart

for the one and only

MAN in my life

 

If I have been reading correctly you have two men in your life, your husband and your MM (your boss/co worker/attorney?)

[yesmaybe]

Sorry simona - I'm an OW, but I cannot relate to your poem(s) at all. To me, it doesn't sound like love. It sounds like martyr-dom.

 

But hey, if you're happy with your situation, go for it.

[Adunaphel]

Simona,

you are feeling so much in love that you are seeing your situation as a Romeo and Juliet kind of romantic story,

please be careful not to delude yourself that this is the strongest love that you can and will experience in your life, for it is not.

It is not like you and your lover are each other's soulmates and an ill fate is in your way - it's more like you are in love with him more than he is with you, and you are convincing yourself that to be 'the one on the side' for him is the best thing you can have.

As long as this state of bliss lasts, enjoy it.

But I do hope you wake out of it soon.

[movinon05]

or perhaps blinded and illusioned by love .

 

You are not the first nor the last to experience the intensity of love. But your second quote reveals more that you are aware that it could very well be an illusion.

 

Until you come into more reality, you will not grow.

 

I know this because I have been there. And when you do get there, there is a "knowing". But we all have to go through the process and learn on our own. I wish you a speedy journey to get there.

[simona]

To everyone.

 

I have not slept with him. I cannot do it. I know I have wronged by falling for him. The past two months were very difficult for me. I do not know if you anyone of you have read my posts, but I could not say no to him.

 

He said he loved me and that is when I realized that I was falling for him. I said I was married and it is a sin for me, but he insisted that he was going to die if I said no. He cried and I felt like a looser, for a second . I mean he is 47, and I only 30.

 

Imagine 47 years old lawyer , a partner crying for a 30 year old girl. I think he is serious about me.

 

I asked him about his wife, he said she is just a roommate with does not love him. He has already filed for divorce. I am scared of divorce. I love MM to death but I am scared to hurt my husband. I have been with my husband for a long time and I want him to be happy with someone who loves him.

This will shock him . I know I am not perfect, but I also know that I no pevert, who sleeps with anybody. I have only slept with one man in my life, that is my husband.

 

I just do not know what to do. I am so confused. I said I was not going to get physical with him until the divorce finalises. I am very strong about this. I am confident girl and I love my body. I would not do it with the MM at anycost.

 

I love my son , my situation is crazy. I do not what is going to happen .

 

 

I do not what this love is doing to me. I am going crazy. I cannot concentrate at work. I cannot focus at home. Sometimes I just wish I get hit by a car and die without having to hurt anyone. I am so weak. I have never felt this way before.

 

 

Thanks for listening.

[whichwayisup]

I had to respond to your post...

 

Imagine 47 years old lawyer , a partner crying for a 30 year old girl. I think he is serious about me.

 

And you fell for his lines, hook line and sinker....

 

Come on, open your eyes, please. Until you actually SEE paperwork that he is getting a divorce, I think its' safe to assume he's doing alot of lying to you, to keep you around in his life. I could be wrong, but I don't think so...

 

And, what about your husband? You say you don't want to hurt him, but hey! Guess what? You are already..He just doesn't know it yet. You're living a lie, an almost double life by letting yourself fall inlove deeper with the MM.

 

Get some therapy, figure out HOW to dump the MM, come clean with your husband so HE can decide if he wants to stay married to you, to give you a chance to earn the trust back. And your son...What about him?? Seems you've put your own feelings first, above your family's...

 

You are strong, you just don't feel it yet...Dig down deep, take a step back and see the situation for what it is. A MM who you let yourself fall for...A MM who knows how to push your buttons and make you feel things, which then in turn, confuses you, makes you feel weak as he has so much power over you...Your feelings for him are based on fantasy, the good things...Not real life, the good, bad and the ugly. Your husband LOVES you, he is your life! Those feelings you DO have for your husband are real and long lasting. The ones you have for the MM could be 'real' but it's all clouded with emotions, and many intense feelings...But that is also based on a fantasy and a lie....It's just wrong to start a relationship with someone else, when both parties are married...

 

Again, get some therapy to help you change your ways...

[debbie black]

The chances are that if a reasonably attractive woman is single by her late thirties/early forties, then it is because at some point in the past she has hitched herself to a married man. It is quite amazing just how many otherwise sane, intelligent and self-aware women fall into this trap. What’s even more amazing is that they are then capable of maintaining the most extreme self-deception for years and years on end.

 

(Of course, once you have the cats, you really are in trouble, caught in a Catch-22. You can’t get rid of them just because your love life picks up, but your love life is never going to pick up if you smell of cat wee. And, trust me, you will smell of cat wee.) Women who go through this process are ruined. No other man will want them because it will have reduced them to pitiful, bitter, angry, depressed, shrunken versions of the woman they once were, and could still have been. Besides, they won’t want other men: some part of them never quite lets go of the hope — the belief — that, one day, he will come back to her (and stay longer than one night and some of the next morning).

 

The fact that this happens to so many women surely gives the lie to all that bull**** about women being the superior, smarter, multi-tasking version of men. And the smarter the woman, the more likely she is to fall into the trap. It’s not just women’s sensitivity and innate romantic inclination that is their undoing. She believes in herself so firmly that she finds it impossible to see how any man in his right mind couldn’t fall for her.

And it’s about competition. Women, by and large, don’t have football, or darts, or video games to help them to blow off steam. As a result, they can’t just shag somebody else’s husband; they have to try to take him away from her. How many men do you know who have put their lives on hold in the hope that a married woman they are shagging will give up her hearth and home to be with them? That’s right, none. Because men, generally, have PlayStations.

 

Men will never do this. They don’t have the patience, or the attention span (except for video games). A woman, on the other hand, is prepared to wait it out, to lay siege. She knows it won’t happen overnight so she gets in emotional supplies, a pile of weepy movies and microwave popcorn (and perhaps a self-help book or two) and digs in on the perimeter of the chosen man’s life. She has her friends to support her, but soon they get put off by the whiff of self-pity and the endless self-deception — not to mention the tedious, one-track conversations.

 

The man’s not innocent, of course. He leads her on, of course; throws her scraps to feed the fantasy. He likes that when he turns up she is never up to her elbows in dirty dishes, never exhausted after a hard day and half asleep on the sofa, never in the middle of changing the bag in the Hoover or helping one of the kids with their bloody homework and never handing him the dog’s lead as he walks in. He likes that he can walk in and, if he feels like it (and he almost always does feel like it, because, let’s face it, that’s why he is there in the first place), lift her dress, pull her sexy panties to one side and do it hard and fast right there in the hallway, up against the wall, without any libido-sapping bikes or school bags or bloody dogs in his line of sight to put him off his stroke. And then, if he wants to rush away immediately afterwards, leaving her flushed and panting, to run back, wracked by guilt and self-loathing, to his wife and family, he can. He likes that too.

 

 

And she, refusing to understand or recognise the guilt and self-loathing that rises in him even faster than the sap he has just expended, likes it too, because this is what she insists — to her own ruin — on mistakenly identifying as his unrestrainedly animal passion for her. And if you are one of these women, here’s a flash that (who knows?) might even be vivid enough to shock you out of your sleep-walking state. Are you ready? Are you sitting down? Got enough biscuits? Okay, here it is: he will happily screw you but that doesn’t mean that he likes you very much. Physically, he probably doesn’t even find you that attractive (this won’t stop him wanting to shag you). He might even be embarrassed to be seen in public with you. Mentally, ditto. Personality, likewise. Well, I’m sorry, but I thought it best that you knew.

 

For such a man, almost the worst aspect of his fear of being found out is the moment his wife claps eyes on her non-rival — and the extreme, weird depth of his perverse extramarital excursion is exposed in all its plain-Jane entirety. Most women would breathe a sigh of relief if they could see their “competitors”, and realise they are no more a rival than a blow-up doll would be. Perhaps less.

 

But, actually, they wouldn’t. Like the women who are being screwed and who convince themselves that they are irresistible, the cheated-upon wives insist, perversely, on being convinced that there is something about the other woman that sets her above them, something that she has or does that makes her more attractive to their man than them. There isn’t. If there was, he would leave his wife for her. All the other woman has that the wife can never have is that she isn ’t his wife, his symbol of containment and of a closed-off, finished life. The other woman is, simply and crudely, a door left ajar, through which he almost certainly has no intention of passing. She is somebody different to shag, where the need to do so is driven not by an uncontrollably rampant libido but by a deeply located fear that This Is All There Is, the end of the line, and that the next stop can be only death.

A woman has childbirth to sustain her. This, or even the notion of this, links her, mentally and physically, to the future. The child in her mind, in her womb, at her breast, at her feet, blocks the very possibility of the one question that sets men and women apart: what’s it all for? For a man committed emotionally and intellectually to one woman, that single question starts to bang away like a drum — softly at first but gradually louder and louder.

Sex with other women, he comes to feel, is all that stands between him and the grave and the general and widely ignored futility of the human condition. Men see this futility clearer than women because their lives are more obviously futile. That’s why so many of them top themselves, for no apparent reason. For a man, an affair is, almost always, nothing to do with the woman involved. It’s not really anything to do with sex, either. It ’s about life and death. And that’s it, nothing more or less.

 

I do hope we’re buying this.

 

It’s regarded as a terribly empty and insulting platitude, but when a man utters the cliche “it meant nothing to me”, he means it, completely. Women refuse to accept this, perhaps because they can’t imagine being in that situation themselves without some form of emotional attachment, but a man is more than capable of having repeated, regular, illicit sex — risking losing the woman he loves and the family they have spawned — with someone he can, quite possibly, barely stand to be around.

 

And you, sitting at home waiting for the call, keeping your weekends free in case he manages to escape one Saturday like he always promises he will but never quite manages to, you should know this: that it is quite probable that he doesn’t even like you very much. I mean, would you treat a friend the way he’s treated you? What turns him on is the power he has over you, the illicit nature of the relationship and the way it has of stopping him thinking about tomorrow.

What sustains you through all those long, lonely, anxious, jealousy-riddled nights is the thought of the future you might, one day, have together. But can’t you see now how that’s never going to work? If he really cared about you, do you think he could bear to see you suffer? That’s why he always goes back to his wife. He loves her, and he couldn’t bear to see her suffer.

 

 

Your suffering, however — no problem.

He doesn’t set out to be cruel, but sooner or later he will tell her he loves her (because, after a while, it just gets embarrassing if you don’t) and, once she starts putting on the pressure, he will say almost anything to forestall the dawning of reality. He is torn because although he can see that he is becoming everything to this woman (and he, of course, has absolutely no intention of leaving his wife and family), part of him has become addicted to the snatched, sordid, heavy-breathing sex and the endless, filthy e-mails and text messages that bring him to the boil when he is sitting at his desk and should be concentrating on whatever it is someone is paying him to concentrate on. And he is attracted to the danger because it makes him feel alive.

 

The Other Woman is, of course, always a willing co-conspirator in her own downfall. Tough, grown-up, educated, discerning and smart in every other area of her life, she becomes a helpless, malleable, gullible dunderhead who will believe any transparent lie rather than accept that the world view she has constructed is nothing more than a fantasy, and that she, to her married man, is nothing more than a fantasy. And so on and on she drones to her friends . .

 

How do I know all this? How do you think? And let me take this opportunity right now to say . . . sorry, but what the hell did you expect? Men know women like this on sight. They can recognise them. At work, in bars, passing on the street, reading self-help books on the Tube and hanging around wistfully in the tumbleweed-blown sections of bookshops everywhere. The bitter aura of their disappointment clings to them like a noxious gas; the underlying fairytale that, despite all she has suffered and should have learnt from, there will be a happy ending, clanks at her feet like a rusty ball and chain. Men can smell it and hear it and they avoid them like the walking dead because there is nothing less attractive than a woman who has so utterly and obsessively surrendered herself.

 

What a sad sight is the Other Woman. At times (usually the times when she’s hit the Pernod and cranked up the Dido) it seems that her only friend is the cat.

And then, just the other day, as I glanced in irritation at my mobile phone, and the text message telling me that my expected Saturday morning dalliance was off, it suddenly occurred to me. I am the Other Woman.

Well, the Other Man, obviously. But it got me thinking. What is the difference between me and the popular stereotype above, and should I start reading self-help books with such titles as Why All Women Are Bastards — and How to Get One of Your Own? The first thing, I suppose, is a question of quantity over quality. I have had one or two (OK, four or five) relationships with happily married/boyfriended women (occasionally, more or less simultaneously), and I suppose the effect of this has been to dilute my emotional and/or physical reliance on any one of them. And then I haven’t exactly been moping around, polishing my nails and preening my bikini line, waiting for any of them to leave their partners.

 

One of the drawbacks of being the male equivalent of The Other Woman is that one doesn’t get showered with chocolates, jewellery and flowers. On the other hand, there are no empty promises sought, or given, about her leaving him once the kids are grown up. (And a heads-up for the sisters here: it should be a red light with klaxons, bells and slaps around the face for any woman whose lover claims to be staying with his wife solely for the kids. It is almost certainly rubbish and you are, as the rest of us already know, merely a bit on the side. And if it is true, then he’s not right in the head. Anyone that dependent on his children for his own happiness is heading for disillusion. Don’t go there with him.)

 

Love, as the great and tragically under-rated psychosexual philosopher and poet-balladeer Belinda Carlisle once observed, is a big scary animal. How very true. And it’s a big scary animal that requires constant feeding. Rather like Tiddles. If you insist on climbing into the cage with the beast, be prepared to feed it often, or it will start feeding on you. And if love doesn’t get you, Tiddles surely will. Lose the cat. And the wee-soaked litter tray.

[Ladyjane14]

Imagine 47 years old lawyer , a partner crying for a 30 year old girl. I think he is serious about me.

 

You realize at MM's age that you might just be fodder for his midlife crisis, don't you?

You, your husband, your child.... all possibly being used to feed a need for biochemical stimulation.

 

I was just talking about something similar in another post on the marriage board a little while ago.... and dopamine is a nice little band-aid for a man in MLC. Increases aren't only achieved through sexual release, you know. Drama itself, provides a fairly nice little buzz.

 

It doesn't even have to be a positive drama experience. Negative can work just as well. Kind of like skydiving, scary as hell... but getting the job done all the same.

 

You might want to examine your own motivation for extramarital involvement. Perhaps there's something missing in your own life that responds to this kind of drama.

[Ladyjane14]

Is post #17 an original submission, or is it an article? :confused:

 

I've got the oddest feeling that I've read that before somewhere.

[The slayer]

Is post #17 an original submission, or is it an article? :confused:

 

I've got the oddest feeling that I've read that before somewhere.

 

I'm guessing the later as it has absolutely nothing to do with the OP's situation

[JamesM]

Excellent eyes, LJ. I took a sentence out of the post that seemed unusual and googled it. Guess what? You are right. Of course, Debbie Black could be the original writer. Personally, I find nothing wrong with such posts, but credit must be given to the original author.

 

Here is the link...

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,8802-1988387,00.html

 

Simonia...

 

I feel your pain. Your poem made your EA romantic. Now I hear that it is more complicated than that. I wish I had some magic wand that could make it all better, but I don't. And coming from a guy, unless he has signed the divorce agreement...not just seperated....personally I would not trust him, and I would stay away for your own good.

[Ladyjane14]

I took a sentence out of the post that seemed unusual and googled it.

 

You're so smart, James.

I hadn't thought to use the search tool that way. Thought I'd need an author or title or some such, and was prepared to just scratch my head wondering all day.

 

Thanks.

[freakygal78]

Simona, don't beat yourself up over this or anyone else for that matter - yes you are a in a very difficult situation and the feelings you have are very real - at least on your end - it would be hard to remain neutral if ANYONE married or single admitted their feelings so freely for you. I guess if anything he is not showing much consideration for the fact that you are still married. I guess the fact that you have only been with one man in your life would have some bearing on this. You can't help but be curious about the grass being greener on the other side. I think these feelings should be treated with sensitivity - no I guess it is not morally right and can create untold havoc with many people's lives - but we are human, people - not flawless automatons but HUMAN - life is not black and white and sometimes we develop feelings for people for whatever reason regardless of their status - what is important it how we deal with them. I think your poem is very heartfelt and I hope you find some comfort in your situation eventually Simona I really do.