Walk Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 My bf started getting incredibly horrible headaches after sex about 2 and half, 3 weeks ago. He has high blood pressure so I had hoped that was the cause. (not hoped.. but rather that than something worse) He got back from his doctors appointment today. He said they had a specialist there that checked him out, and they're sending him to get MRI's(?) done. But not til Tuesday. He said they tried to get him in today, but they couldn't. So now we have to wait til Tuesday. But both doctors believe its an aneurysm and that it leaks during increased periods of activity (like sex). Which causes severe headaches. He says the disabling pain stops after about 20-30 minutes, but he's pretty much had a continuous headache for 2-3 weeks now. He can't sleep at night. It wakes him up from the pain. Last time we had sex was last saturday.. and afterward the way he acted scared me so damn bad. I thought he was going die right then. I'm so scared for him. I dont' know what to do. I think I still hope it's all just nothing. That its a big mistake. "oops, sorry we misdiagnosed you, it's just migrains." I can tell he's worried/scared. He kept trying to call his brother to talk. Then his other friends. He's not a terrible social person, so it wasn't like him.. I want to make sure I'm "there" for him right now. Be someone he can really lean on. Not quite sure how though. I'm really sad, scared, worried... I don't know if I should just be cool about it. Act concerned, but not worried? Should I show him how bothered I am? Gush my love for him? (I'm kind of kidding here.) I'm just not quite sure how to handle this right now.. I'm not sure how to "be there" for him sometimes. What specificially I need to do... And what if it is bad? He's the sole bread winner. Should I drop my classes this semester and take up the slack until we have a better idea of what's going to happen? Classes start tuesday. I have one week to get a full refund. What if they have to cut his skull open to do surgery? What do I do??? I got a loan for this semester.. about $4 grand. it would cover some of the bills for a while... but if I drop the classes they ask for repayment right away. I feel so bad for him. He's had such a hard life as it is. The man's a walking scar from head to toe. And now this. ****. I wanted to get my degree so I could set him up for the rest of his life.. so he'd never have to bust his ass again if he didn't want to.. his luck, he'll die before that ever happens, and he just spent the last two years working 90 hour weeks to put me through college. *sigh* I'm so sad.... wanna cry.....
UnknowingOW Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 First, calm down. You need this for the both of you. Secondly, my xH had the same thing happen many years ago and the doctors said the same thing as yours are saying. However, after the MRI we found out it was a severe sinus infection. Keep the faith and be strong.
serial muse Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 My bf started getting incredibly horrible headaches after sex about 2 and half, 3 weeks ago. He has high blood pressure so I had hoped that was the cause. (not hoped.. but rather that than something worse) He got back from his doctors appointment today. He said they had a specialist there that checked him out, and they're sending him to get MRI's(?) done. But not til Tuesday. He said they tried to get him in today, but they couldn't. So now we have to wait til Tuesday. But both doctors believe its an aneurysm and that it leaks during increased periods of activity (like sex). Which causes severe headaches. He says the disabling pain stops after about 20-30 minutes, but he's pretty much had a continuous headache for 2-3 weeks now. He can't sleep at night. It wakes him up from the pain. Last time we had sex was last saturday.. and afterward the way he acted scared me so damn bad. I thought he was going die right then. I'm so scared for him. I dont' know what to do. I think I still hope it's all just nothing. That its a big mistake. "oops, sorry we misdiagnosed you, it's just migrains." I can tell he's worried/scared. He kept trying to call his brother to talk. Then his other friends. He's not a terrible social person, so it wasn't like him.. I want to make sure I'm "there" for him right now. Be someone he can really lean on. Not quite sure how though. I'm really sad, scared, worried... I don't know if I should just be cool about it. Act concerned, but not worried? Should I show him how bothered I am? Gush my love for him? (I'm kind of kidding here.) I'm just not quite sure how to handle this right now.. I'm not sure how to "be there" for him sometimes. What specificially I need to do... And what if it is bad? He's the sole bread winner. Should I drop my classes this semester and take up the slack until we have a better idea of what's going to happen? Classes start tuesday. I have one week to get a full refund. What if they have to cut his skull open to do surgery? What do I do??? I got a loan for this semester.. about $4 grand. it would cover some of the bills for a while... but if I drop the classes they ask for repayment right away. I feel so bad for him. He's had such a hard life as it is. The man's a walking scar from head to toe. And now this. ****. I wanted to get my degree so I could set him up for the rest of his life.. so he'd never have to bust his ass again if he didn't want to.. his luck, he'll die before that ever happens, and he just spent the last two years working 90 hour weeks to put me through college. *sigh* I'm so sad.... wanna cry..... hi walk - i'm so sorry about your bf. i can hear how scared you are for him. but i think, as far as the worry you're expressing, that you'll be able to deal with it more easily if you divide it into productive worry and unproductive worry - that is, worry about the vague, undetermined future that isn't anything you can act on right now. for example, i totally understand why you're trying to plan ahead about what happens with your classes, and what if he can't work - but, first things first. take a deep breath. your bf's going to the doctor tuesday. you'll have more information then, and until then, you don't need to make any decisions. of course you want to have a game plan, but that plan can be made more effectively once you have more information. despite the understandable urge, you just can't make a good plan right now, you can only worry about it - and that eats up emotional energy that you need and can use elsewhere. same goes for your thoughts about wanting to support him in future, and worrying if it'll be possible - it's just going further down a speculative road, and you don't need to go there right now. these are valid concerns, but try not to put the cart before the horse. you just can't make any decisions about these things right now, without more information that you don't yet have access to, and that unproductive worry is getting in the way of more productive courses of action. what you can do is what you mentioned earlier - decide how to support him emotionally. again, there's too much you don't yet know to be able to decide fully what kind of support will be needed in future - but right now, as you said, he's scared and it sounds like, since he's calling people, he wants to be sure he's got a support system. so one of the things you can do for him, of course, is not share the vaguer concerns you have right now, since there's nothing either of you can do about them and, if he's thinking about them, it'll probably just add to the stress and feelings of helplessness. i think it's okay to shield him from those fears about the future. just be supportive and loving and, as much as you can, calm and reassuring. i've seen you do it on here so i know you've got it in you. you can do this.
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