Can I get her back

[The write one]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]OK, I'm a 26-year-old man who need someone's perspective, male or female, on my situation and i pray you can help me get back the love of my life. I'll try and make this brief and to the point, so I'll leave out the lovie dovie stuff and give you just the bad. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]Very recently my girlfriend of eight years who was also my fiancé told me she wanted out of the relationship. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]It took me for a shock, but i knew something was coming for about a year or three now. I recently moved 800 miles to be with her because i felt our relationship was slipping. I left a good job, a nice home and a huge network of people because i wanted to save my relationship with my high school sweat heart (4 years in college, 4 years in grad school). Not to mention, i couldn't fully enjoy myself without her by my side. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]Anyway, I moved in with her and a few months later i popped the question. The response was lackluster at best. While it was a yes, it was given to me in the form of a crying "OK." In fact, i had to do it twice, because she said the first time she was scared. Now, here is where i believe her fears came from. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]Me and my now ex-fiance got together in our senior year of high school and the relationship has lasted up until two weeks ago. We have known and liked each other for since 9th grade in high school, but she was too scared to tell me up until a few months before prom. We were perfect together in every way. However, i wasn't perfect by myself. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]On about two or three occasions, I told her i wanted to break up when i was in my late teens/early 20s. I did this because she would do dumb stuff that she knew wouldn't sit well with me and i wanted her to know how much it hurt me. Instead of telling her "that hurts," I pretended like i wanted to end the relationship. She would cry and at least an hour later, i told her i forgive you. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]I also used to lie or not tell her the full story behind something in my teens and early 20s, for fear she would leave me. She was a "good girl" and a nerd in high school and i was the class clown, thugged-out loser, with no thoughts of a future, so i felt i had to keep up a facade or she would leave me. I know, I've got issues. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]Anyway, I never cheated, but lied none the less about major things like what college i was going to (community college for 6 months) or my smoking habit that started at 13. I once even left town for a week or so without telling or contacting her, just to go out for a weekend event with my boys. I told her i was one place and i was really at a college party. I got caught by one of her college roommates. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]As i got older and more comfortable with her and myself, i told her the truths behind my lies. I also told her i used to threaten to break up with her, not because i really wanted to, but because i used that as a form of control over her. My confessions weren't taken lightly, but i promised to change and we moved on. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Well about three and a half years ago, on a Saturday night, i was extremely drunk, extremely depressed and extremely alone--800 miles aways from my love. That night, old habits arose. All week she would go out with friends in her city. Meanwhile, I'd be home sobbing in my pillow over my lonely life in grad school. When i would call her because i needed to talk, she wouldn't answer until like 3 or 4 in the morning. Instead of telling her i needed to talk that night, i told her she would be better off without me, because I was a loser. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]She told me before, that if i ever threatened to break up again, she wasn't coming back. But i still went there. Between the over-the-phone tears and the questions of "are you sure," from her, I realized my old tactics aren't going to work this time. So i begged her back into my life, told her i would never try and break up with her again and she took me in. However, she told me she lost some love for me that night. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]After a few months, things were almost 100 percent again until i found her high school diary under her bed. I took it and i read it and i was shocked by some of the things in there. She told me when we first got together that i was her first (sexually) and i was only the second guy she had ever kissed. The diary told a different story. Nothing dealing with sex, but first and second base with some third guy for sure. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]Instead of letting it go, because the stuff in the diary was way before us, I took the diary back to my house 800 miles away. Then i made up some elaborate story about the boy in her diary and how i met him one day he told me about their episode. I did it trying to catch her in a lie, which i did. But when i called her on it and told her i had her diary, she denied her own written words. She also said she felt hurt that i once again lied to her and i stole her diary. Even through she broke into my email and made up a lie to chec the numbers on my phone a year before. Regardless, we stayed together after the diary episode. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]Since then, i noticed certain things cut off from her. Not a lot of affection or"I love yous," and sex almost came to a screeching halt.When we did engage in love making, she acted uninterested or frustrated. My self confidence took a dive after her many "You're not touching me right" or "I'm done" or "You act like you don't know my body anymore." [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]But i was doing all of the same things and then some that she had loved for years (better in fact). It's just that she didn't seem into me. And that led me to frustration, which i bottled up. I would go silent and not talk to her because i didn't want to even hint that the relationship was failing or had problems. I believed that if i did say something, she would take that as another break up threat. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]Knowing all of this is taking place, i still moved to her city and into her apartment. But her distance could still be felt and felt harder now that i saw her everyday. I would initiate sex, like i had done for a majority of the time and she would act uninterested or frustrated. I would then feel like a piece of **** and go silent. This cycle went on and on. I finally asked why are you acting like this toward me. "I know it's deeper than sex," I told her. She just said i don't do it like i used to. While all of this was going on i proposed to her to show her my undying love. The response sucked as i said before, but we were engaged. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]The problems, however, remained, the wedding planning completely stopped, i could never talk about the future with her because she would get frustrated. So we finally decided to go to counseling. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]Side note: She was in grad school in her city studying to be a doctor. Unfortunately, a few months before i came to live with her, she failed out of the program. We made a deal after college that the first one who has a chance, should move to the other's city. She didn't and i felt hurt. She said she wanted to transfer some of her old credits into a masters program at her same school. I never told her that i felt she chose three or four credits over moving to my city. Instead, i packed up my things and moved out to be with her to comfort her and to save my relationship.End note [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]During our sessions with the relationship councilor, my woman said half of her wants to stay with me and the other half wants to break up. Our therapist told her she had to decide because she is destroying herself and me by hanging on the fence. In addition, i wanted to stay in the relationship. She cried and got mad about being the one having to make the decision. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]We then decided that i should move out while we take a two month break for her to make her decision. It took longer than i expected to move out, so for three months we continued to live together, laughed together, even had good sex together. Then one night after giving her flowers and wine and telling her she was my special lady, she told me she wanted to end the relationship. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]I was shocked, but she said she didn't just come to this conclusion over night. After she ended it, it took her three days to take the ring off, which i asked for her to remove. for the next few days we still laugh and play together, we still go out and hold hands together and even cuddle and cry together. Hell, we grew up together and she is my best friend. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]After begging her to come back and telling her things will get better in the relationship if she gave me one more chance, she told me she still loves me, but love is not enough. She said we are on two separate plains,the relationship doesn't seem to be getting better, communication between us sucks, i never trusted her, I manipulated her and she doesn't know herself or what she wants anymore. "I'm hollow," she said. Therefore, her decision is final. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]Well, i can't handle that and i want her back. So i guess my questions are...Do they ever come back? Has she found someone else? Can i save this relationship? Have i lost her forever? Is someone coaching her to stay the course? (she's seeing a therapist) Also given my long story, is this even worth saving? [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]I love this woman to death and i will do anything to get her back--legally. We've never been broken up and we are three weeks into this and her decision hasn't changed. I moved out a week ago, but before i left we laid in the bed and cried together. I know i messed up royally in my past but she can't seem to forgive me. I'm a good man, who is striving to be even better. I know we both have a lot of growing up to do as we are both in our mid 20s. but we had always planned to marry once we were done with school. [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]Now she just wants to be friends. She planning a trip to Vegas in Oct. with her girlfriend and going out almost every night. She is even talking about moving to Fla. with the same girlfriend, when she couldn't even decide where she wanted to live when we were engaged.[/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]Meanwhile, i'm dying inside trying to move on. We used to talk everyday for eight years. We still talk a little, but it's mostlly through her texts messages. We are still in the process of giving each other's CDs back and kissing from time to time. But i think her lonely friends are making her push me away. I don't know, I just need to know what to do to get her back. Should i resort to no contact for a while or just be her friend and don't mention "us"?[/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black]She told me she spent all day last Sunday crying and she is confused. What should i do? I want her back, but she seems to have moved on. What is your take on all of this? Please help as my heart is hurting and my mind is restless. She says her decision also hurts and she can't sleep, nor eat. Is this really the end...or can i salvage this relationship?[/FONT][/COLOR]

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