MissA2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 I need some dating help. I am confused - first I 'll tell you my story. I am 26 and dated a guy for almost 4 years, we broke up probably 2.5-3 years ago and I have dated several guys, however only 3 seriously (which by serious I mean about 4 months each, never measured up to my ex - so I know there is something better out there). I have been single for a while about 3 months and met this amazing guy, we have so much in common - both from the same background seem to have a similar value system. We have been talking for about 2 months, we met at a rodeo/dance and somehow he tracked me down and found my e-mail address and sent me a hello e-mail, we started e-mailing and ended up going on our 1st date - he actually invited me to his house and cooked a fabulous meal for me and then ended up asking if I wanted to stay a little longer- so we just hung out and watched a movie on TV. Nothing physical except for a little peck when I left. Before our date we were e-mailing almost daily and after our 1st date started talking on the phone maybe every 2-3 days. He asked me out for a 2nd date and we had a great time, went out and grabbed something to eat and hung out for a while. Still nothing physical - just a sweet kiss good night...I was like when is this guy going to KISS me...anyway! Went out of the 3rd date - you know what that means...got a little more physical this time around - no sex, but we had a great time and are physically attracted to one another. OK - time for a little bit of his story...he is 34, he dated a girl for 1.5 years, she cheated on him and broke up with him in January, his mom ended up passing away from lung cancer in February, this ex kind of came back around to console him, but he really didn't want anything to do with her...I think the last time they talked was about 2-3 months ago. Thats what he tells me anyway... So we were talking the other night on the phone and I asked him what his plans were for the weekend - he had a wedding and several other things going on - I knew we weren't going to get together because I had a busy weekend also, he said maybe we can get together the middle of the week, he said "To be completely honest with you, I just really want to take this relationship slow. I have had a lot to deal with in the past 6 months and I don't want to get hurt again" I told him that was perfectly fine and I was in no hurry to get into a serious relationship either (but I do want to know if he is really interested) So then wierdly enough he calls me last Friday night (after our converstaion around 6:00) around 9:30 and said he really wants to see me - I hadn't seen him in almost a week and I gave in - went over to his house and we hung out, I ended up staying the night because he begged.... But now its Thursday and he has sent me several text messages telling me good night ( to be exact Monday night & last night), but has made no plans to see me this weekend? and hasn't called me to talk on the phone - which he isn't a big phone talker anyway - our conversations are 5-8 min tops. Tell me what you all think, is he playing games, just not that into me, still caught up on the X, just gone through alot lately and really just wants to take things slow...I am just soo not used to a guy wanting to take a relationship slow?
melodymatters Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 You are defintley getting mixed messages here ! It sounds like the guy really is just confused and not playing games, but that doesn't make it any more comfortable to you, right ? I would wait until the next time you are having a good time hanging out, and then casually say something a long the lines of " I know you've been through a lot and said you wanted to take things slow, and I am SO ok with that, but ....honestly I'm not a desperate female type/ don't lack for offers/companionship whatever, and I'm kinda getting mixed messages here. If you are not into having SOME sort of relationship right now, why don't we just " be friends" ( men hate that !) and if and when your ready, and IF i'm still single, maybe we could slowly begin to build something that actually feels like a relationship" Thats just my advice, and probably what I would say in your shoes. I have a lot of pride and self confidence and just don't feel comfortable bothering with a relationship if it seems like "he's just not that into me"
Author MissA2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Author Posted August 31, 2006 Thats kind of what I was thinking I would do...so perfect advice!! I don't want to sound like I am bragging, but I have never had a guy send me mixed messages like this. They are always head over heals and I am the one putting on the breaks. Plus I hate to play games, I mean they are ok in the beginning during the cat & mouse phase, but once you both realize you have potential its time to drop the games...and be real. I guess I just don't want to scare him away or make him feel like I am cornering him and pressuring him into something he's not ready for. BUt I guess the best thing is to be honest.
norajane Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 I think you've already had the conversation you're looking for - he's already told you he likes you and wants to take things slow. If you can handle taking things slow, great. Go out with him when he asks. At the same time, date other people as well. If he wants to make it more definite and exclusive, he'll let you know. I fear that if you talk to him again, you're just going to give him the impression that you aren't willing to take things as slow as he needs. He's not giving you mixed messages. He's keeping in touch to let let you know he's thinking about you, but he's not ready to turn this into a full-blown relationships with expectations on both sides.
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