Greensleaves Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Hey, I recently went through a breakup (i am the dumpee) and of course battling with the same things like everybody else. However, what makes it worse is that I was stepparenting and I would say quite successfully and got really attached to his daughter. (I don't have any biological children) We weren't married (e.g. I do not have any rights whatsoever) and I even had to leave the country. I am still good friends with the mum and she lets me know how the daughter is, but other than that have no chance to stay in touch or keep on "parenting". Is there anyone out there that went through a similar thing and can tell me how she/he coped? Thanks a lot.
penkitten Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 my husband went thru this with the ex before me. he helped her raise her baby from infantcy until her second birthday. they were engaged and he was told to go pay the depoist on the church for the wedding and the next day she broke it off. she wouldnt speak to him or allow him to see the child at all. the child called him daddy and her thought of her as his daughter. for a while, she allowed the child to still see his parents but when she got on her feet she gave them the cold shoulder and has ignored them. this was 3 years ago. the last time he got to see hannah was when the ex dropped her off at his mothers to be babysat before she started ignoring them too. he came over as soon as she left. he had to leave before she came to pick her up. hannah kept asking him "daddy come home." when it was time to leave she ran out in the snow following him crying "daddy i got my mittens i want to go with you." he cries to this day if he has to tell this story. she has forgotten all about him by now. he will never forget her or stop loving her. her pictures are all around our house beside my childrens pictures. time makes things easier on him, but it doesnt make it go away .
Author Greensleaves Posted September 11, 2006 Author Posted September 11, 2006 Thanks, penkitten. I guess you are right. The child will forget eventually (and I guess that's good because the child shouldn't have to suffer). Just came back from a weekend with her, her mom and mom's husband and she was very happy to see me and started beaming the minute I stepped into the yard, however, she is special needs and cannot speak and therefore has limited means to express herself. (I'm lucky as I am one of the few people she made up a sign for...) I'll guess I will just continue to stay in touch with her mom despite the ocean between our countries and hopefully get to see her occasionnally. It must have been harder on your husband as he had no means to find out how she was/is. And you are definitely a generous woman to let him love the girl and have her pictures around in your house even though it was not his biological child. Thanks for sharing the story. I had a big lump in my throat when reading it. Greensleaves
penkitten Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 within the past few weeks, his ex (who hasnt spoken to him in 3 yrs ) has written an email to each of us. i can understand that some people read about an ex getting married in the newspaper and feel compelled to send an email, which she did that just said hi to him. however, i have not ever met her and do not understand the need for her to email me and congradulate me. i did not even know she was the one sending it. (it was another forum like loveshack, so i thought it was just another member who had read a post about our wedding in june or something. ) isnt that weird?
Author Greensleaves Posted September 25, 2006 Author Posted September 25, 2006 That is very weird. Why the heck does she do that? Maybe she feels sorry for her role in the breakup after all those years and thought, sending wedding congratulations is a nice thing, who knows? I do agree, I have no clue why she would send you one, as she has never met you. Actually, that is quite imposing, isn't it? I hope that you won't have to deal with any lurking things from the past, but then again you sound like a strong woman who can deal with anything. Would you and your husband like to meet the little girl again if that was a possibility or rather not, because it has been too long and will bring back painful memories?
penkitten Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 That is very weird. Why the heck does she do that? Maybe she feels sorry for her role in the breakup after all those years and thought, sending wedding congratulations is a nice thing, who knows? I do agree, I have no clue why she would send you one, as she has never met you. Actually, that is quite imposing, isn't it? I hope that you won't have to deal with any lurking things from the past, but then again you sound like a strong woman who can deal with anything. Would you and your husband like to meet the little girl again if that was a possibility or rather not, because it has been too long and will bring back painful memories? i would be behind my husband on anything he wanted to do, however i really dont know what he would choose. he was very heartbroken when it ended so suddenly. he is sure that this child has forgotten all about him. we live far away from their area too. however, he will never stop loving this child and she will always be his daughter in his heart.
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