kristijm Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 I have been seeing a MM now for 8 months and during this time we split up a couple times for a few days and always got back together. For three weeks he actually left the house and then returned again to be with his wife. In late June this year, my MM decided it was over (actually I had to do it for him because he did not have the balls to say it) and said it was too hard to leave his wife and much too difficult to stay away from his kids (three including a baby), plus financial concerns, worried about his wife moving away with the kids...etc. It was so hard for me and he did not talk to me for a couple weeks and slowly during the month of July (middle) we started seeing each other again and talking. Slept together again a few times and then I found out he made plans at the end of July to take vacation to be with his wife and kids. Even though we have been broke up officially during this time (7 weeks), it hurt me to hear this badly. He is now back from vacation and living in his home with his wife and and sharing a bed. During the time on vacation with his wife he still texted me, wrote me mails and tells me how much he loves and misses me and needs to see me. He still does today... He says he plans to move out now. I am not sure. I don't feel he is giving me a strong impression he really wants to be with me properly. He says he does and says how much he loves me and loves me like no other, but I don't feel it and am scared. I don't feel important enough for him even though he tells me I am his life, his angel, his friend and lover. He loves me so much. He does such romantic things for me like leaving notes and clandestine picnics....I love him so much and am so attracted to him.....and he is to me as well. He said he loves me and plans on leaving his wife again and move out of the house very soon. However, he said this to me before and now he is back in with his wife, in the same bed, but at the same time, tells me his marriage is over. ....no sex, kissing or hugging...nothing....So MANY contradictions....He loves his kids so much and can not be away from them even though he is not in love with his wife and they argue a lot. He does not want to stay together for the sake of the kids but is doing NOTHING about it!!! His wife knew about the affair before we ended the relationship and it was so hard. But before his vacation, he told his wife the affair is over and does not see me anymore. Now it is worse because his wife thinks it is over and we can't see each other as often anymore or she will become suspicious. He tells me he has had no physical contact with his wife at all during his vacation and things are really tense between them. He keeps telling me all the time how much he loves me and needs me and can't let me go. I know he loves me soooo much, and I love him too.......he can't see his life without me. I don't know what he is going to do and if he will actually do what he says and leave his wife. He said he will rent an appartment and move out. But he has said nothing about divorce....I have been dying inside and don't know what to do. He has changed his mind before about leaving and then going back to be with his wife and kids. He told me he is weak and can not follow through on what he says. I am so lost and down and hurt. ....HELP ME....What should I do in this case? Will he come back to me or decide to stay with his wife? He changed his mind now three times....I am so lost.....
reneet Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 I have been seeing a MM now for 8 months and during this time we split up a couple times for a few days and always got back together. For three weeks he actually left the house and then returned again to be with his wife. In late June this year, my MM decided it was over (actually I had to do it for him because he did not have the balls to say it) and said it was too hard to leave his wife and much too difficult to stay away from his kids (three including a baby), plus financial concerns, worried about his wife moving away with the kids...etc. It was so hard for me and he did not talk to me for a couple weeks and slowly during the month of July (middle) we started seeing each other again and talking. Slept together again a few times and then I found out he made plans at the end of July to take vacation to be with his wife and kids. Even though we have been broke up officially during this time (7 weeks), it hurt me to hear this badly. He is now back from vacation and living in his home with his wife and and sharing a bed. During the time on vacation with his wife he still texted me, wrote me mails and tells me how much he loves and misses me and needs to see me. He still does today... He says he plans to move out now. I am not sure. I don't feel he is giving me a strong impression he really wants to be with me properly. He says he does and says how much he loves me and loves me like no other, but I don't feel it and am scared. I don't feel important enough for him even though he tells me I am his life, his angel, his friend and lover. He loves me so much. He does such romantic things for me like leaving notes and clandestine picnics....I love him so much and am so attracted to him.....and he is to me as well. He said he loves me and plans on leaving his wife again and move out of the house very soon. However, he said this to me before and now he is back in with his wife, in the same bed, but at the same time, tells me his marriage is over. ....no sex, kissing or hugging...nothing....So MANY contradictions....He loves his kids so much and can not be away from them even though he is not in love with his wife and they argue a lot. He does not want to stay together for the sake of the kids but is doing NOTHING about it!!! His wife knew about the affair before we ended the relationship and it was so hard. But before his vacation, he told his wife the affair is over and does not see me anymore. Now it is worse because his wife thinks it is over and we can't see each other as often anymore or she will become suspicious. He tells me he has had no physical contact with his wife at all during his vacation and things are really tense between them. He keeps telling me all the time how much he loves me and needs me and can't let me go. I know he loves me soooo much, and I love him too.......he can't see his life without me. I don't know what he is going to do and if he will actually do what he says and leave his wife. He said he will rent an appartment and move out. But he has said nothing about divorce....I have been dying inside and don't know what to do. He has changed his mind before about leaving and then going back to be with his wife and kids. He told me he is weak and can not follow through on what he says. I am so lost and down and hurt. ....HELP ME....What should I do in this case? Will he come back to me or decide to stay with his wife? He changed his mind now three times....I am so lost..... How long are you willing to wait to see if he decides to be with you forever? It took 2 years fo my MM to leave his wife & come live with me. We've been living together for 4+ years now. (He's not divorced yet) So it really does depend on how many chances you are willing to give him. I would not put up with him going back & forth though. HE needs to make a decision here!!
yousaveme Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 I have been with my MM for awhile also. This monday it will be officially one month that we "broke up" for the happiest of the kids , since his wife found out. Our feelings havent changed for eachother. We talk just about if not everyday. Its been hard. He tells me he loves me and wants us to be back together - but it just cant be right now. His wife knows that he loves me and has even gone as far as saying she knows he isnt staying for her that its for the kids. A few days before SHE found out we actually had talked about us being married. Its been hard since she is always watching his every move. The problem is neither one of us wants to hurt the kids. He grew up in a fatherless upbringing and doesnt want his kids to feel like they are beeing abandoned like he did. Which as much as it hurts the kids are innocent in all of this and i dont want to hurt them also. My question is the same thing : Will he ever leave? Everyone has told me that if the love is true and it will work out. I hope it does. I know coming here has helped, chatting with others in similar situtations
reneet Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 I have been with my MM for awhile also. This monday it will be officially one month that we "broke up" for the happiest of the kids , since his wife found out. Our feelings havent changed for eachother. We talk just about if not everyday. Its been hard. He tells me he loves me and wants us to be back together - but it just cant be right now. His wife knows that he loves me and has even gone as far as saying she knows he isnt staying for her that its for the kids. A few days before SHE found out we actually had talked about us being married. Its been hard since she is always watching his every move. The problem is neither one of us wants to hurt the kids. He grew up in a fatherless upbringing and doesnt want his kids to feel like they are beeing abandoned like he did. Which as much as it hurts the kids are innocent in all of this and i dont want to hurt them also. My question is the same thing : Will he ever leave? Everyone has told me that if the love is true and it will work out. I hope it does. I know coming here has helped, chatting with others in similar situtations I give you the same advice as the previous poster.
yousaveme Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 I guess as long as i love him like I do and believe he loves me. Am i an idiot? I dont know, I only know what my heart says about it.
reneet Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 I guess as long as i love him like I do and believe he loves me. Am i an idiot? I dont know, I only know what my heart says about it. I guess we are sorta in the same boat. My MM & I live together but he hasn't gotten a divorce yet. It's going on 5 years now. I will tell you this: "WE ARE NOT IDIOTS" !!!
yousaveme Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 I guess we are sorta in the same boat. My MM & I live together but he hasn't gotten a divorce yet. It's going on 5 years now. I will tell you this: "WE ARE NOT IDIOTS" !!! Glad to hear that finally. I feel like it sometimes. Its crazy. I never planned on finding a true love in a MM. We werent looking for this is just happened. I guess its true things happen for one reason or another. I do hope on a happy ending. Wish i knew how to be sure of it. Wish there was some sign.
whichwayisup Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Don't let your heart rule your choices. The reality of the situation is, he keeps trying to leave his wife, but doesn't. He has responsibilities, children and even if he tells you he doesn't love his wife, he does love her...Enough that he isn't willing to change his whole life for you. That change is too much for him, even if he does love you...Hope that makes sense. He may not want to give up his house, kids and family. Or his friends, the comfort he's used to living. Neighbours, inlaws, work friends...They built a life together, so no matter what he feels for you, it may not be enough for him to give up. Don't you feel you deserve more? I hope someday you walk away from him and find a single man who will love only you. A man who will start HIS life with you from the get-go.
reneet Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Glad to hear that finally. I feel like it sometimes. Its crazy. I never planned on finding a true love in a MM. We werent looking for this is just happened. I guess its true things happen for one reason or another. I do hope on a happy ending. Wish i knew how to be sure of it. Wish there was some sign. The sign that I had was when he walked into my house & said "I'm staying with you F O R E V E R " Until your MM does that.........
superconductor Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Don't let your heart rule your choices. True wisdom. WWIU's obviously got it all together. Well done!
yousaveme Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 The sign that I had was when he walked into my house & said "I'm staying with you F O R E V E R " Until your MM does that......... Well, i guess until that day comes or something worse. Here i am
reneet Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Well, i guess until that day comes or something worse. Here i am Ok, but, I told him he needed to decide what he wanted. I was willing to let him go if he chose to stay with his wife. That same day, he moved in with me. He told his wife he would not be going home. Are you able to do that? I feel you are stronger than you sound in your posts.
yousaveme Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Ok, but, I told him he needed to decide what he wanted. I was willing to let him go if he chose to stay with his wife. That same day, he moved in with me. He told his wife he would not be going home. Are you able to do that? I feel you are stronger than you sound in your posts. My strength is pretty much spent at the moment. I have said alot of things to him lately that has made him start to think. The W put alot of guilt on him. And i think for a short time it worked. Then we started really talking about the situtation and now i dont know what is happening. I know since i mentioned a few things to him and i got sick he hasnet beeen sleeping, and has been getting sick. I guess im just waiting it out, see how he starts acting and get my strength back. Getting caught this past month has been rough.
reneet Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 My strength is pretty much spent at the moment. I have said alot of things to him lately that has made him start to think. The W put alot of guilt on him. And i think for a short time it worked. Then we started really talking about the situtation and now i dont know what is happening. I know since i mentioned a few things to him and i got sick he hasnet beeen sleeping, and has been getting sick. I guess im just waiting it out, see how he starts acting and get my strength back. Getting caught this past month has been rough. You shouldn't be no GETTING CAUGHT. HE SHOULD BE YOURS & YOURS ONLY!
yousaveme Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 You shouldn't be no GETTING CAUGHT. HE SHOULD BE YOURS & YOURS ONLY! I do believe that he is mine and only mine. And he has told he that. But i have to think about those kids also. As much as i want to SO SELFISH here i have to think about them also. If we are even going to make US workout they are going to be a big part of that.
movinon05 Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 Kristijm and yousave me. Please go read my thread "My Story". I have been in your shoes. He's doing everything my exMM did and said. I've come full circle but it took me 7 years! You're basically in a no win situation. They say one thing when in one anxious mood and then retract when they have gone home to their family and children. You can expect to be on this rollercoaster of emotions with little end in sight. I know its hard. I've been there. But until you've had enough of this rollercoaster, you will probably never get what you want. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but this is the way it usually happens. Your stories are no different than most on here. I wish I had this board back then. I wish you healing to find better for yourself.
Author kristijm Posted September 7, 2006 Author Posted September 7, 2006 Forgot to mention that he and i work together and sit 5 feet apart and see him every single day....this is so hard. He keeps telling me how much he loves me and needs to be with me. He says i am a magnet to him. However, he still has not told his wife he is seeing me again and everything has to be in secret. I can not stand it!!!! I love him so much. He is my life!!! Why can he not leave? We talked so much since he got back from vacation and has not done anything.....only complains about life at home and how much he misses and loves me and wants to live with me. I am a wreck......someone please respond.
reneet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Forgot to mention that he and i work together and sit 5 feet apart and see him every single day....this is so hard. He keeps telling me how much he loves me and needs to be with me. He says i am a magnet to him. However, he still has not told his wife he is seeing me again and everything has to be in secret. I can not stand it!!!! I love him so much. He is my life!!! Why can he not leave? We talked so much since he got back from vacation and has not done anything.....only complains about life at home and how much he misses and loves me and wants to live with me. I am a wreck......someone please respond. Maybe you need to tell him he has to make a decision NOW!!!
nluv Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 He's not "yours". He was never yours. Why would you settle for so little? Move on while you can.
Suerenity Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Ohmygod I am in ALMOST the exact situation and it's slowly killing me. Sad thing is I'm married also and living with H. We separated and at that time I was with MM. One day I got sick of all the instability and broke it off with him and decided to patch things up at home and allow him to do the same. Now, he flies over to see me and it's like we're still together and both living separate lives. I feel scared to death of losing him yet I'm not sure of us being together anymore. It's one thing to say something but another to do it. He has moved out of his home with the W and hasn't moved back since Sept. of last year but me being so impatient could not wait it out. I need help.
Seen_It_All Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 Why would you WANT someone who is so willing to desert his family - the youngest being a baby? This is the type of man you WANT in your life? Someone who has built a family with someone else - then wants to cut and run on them all based on a 7-month affair? Good luck. One day YOU'LL be the wife sitting home on the couch with a baby, wondering where this wonderful so-called man is.
Author kristijm Posted September 8, 2006 Author Posted September 8, 2006 He has made a decision two months ago to leave his wife and be with me.....then he changed his mind and decided to stay with his wife..... Now, as of two weeks ago, he says he did not realize how much he was in love with me and changed his mind again and wants to leave his wife....to be with me.....says he can't live without me and I am such a magnet to him...however... ....still, no divorce proceedures or signs of moving out. Only clandestine meetings and sex durning lunch time. His wife still thinks the affair is over. I just don't know how long it will take him to leave....he is so weak when it concerns leaving his kids and baby and what other people think....I am not sure if he will. Sometimes I get the impression he does not wnat me. He actually said the other day that even if he leaves his wife to be with me, he will not be truly happy....Can't believe he said this to me!!! He said in time it may get better....
justice Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 I'm not trying to be negative here or bash you or anything. But, how would you feel if he does leave and then does the same thing to you that he did to his wife? How will this affect his relationship with his children and how will you handle that? More than likely this will not be a big bed of roses, they could end up hating you for your part in the destruction of their parent's marriage. I would say no contact with your lover until it's all over because if you are right there in the thick of things it may not turn out how you want it too.
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