abitconfused Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 I am feeling just about evey emotion right now and I really need you guys to help me here. I am a wreck and hope you will read on. If you read back you may see that a few months ago I was getting involved with someone from work. As much as I knew to stay away I just couldn't. The feelings were suddenly so strong and she was giving me alot of attention. See I was helping her cope with some issues at home. Some how I fell in love with her. I told her everything about how I felt. My love continued to grow. I knew she was with someone but all the things she did and simply not telling me to stop or no and she continued to give me attention. We never kissed and we never had sex. So why am I so upset? Well I always had this figure and person in my mind. Body, hair color ya know all that stuff. With her it didn't matter. I thought I loved her for who she was and not what she looked like. This is not something I had ever experienced before. I would feel sick if I didn't talk to her or see her everyday. I am telling you I would have done anything for her. I was prepared to change my life. I would run in front of a speeding train to protect her. So it was a few months. There was ups and downs. Simply I wanted to confirm what I felt was true. But it always went back to the way we were, even if I tried to stop. Yesterday it finally did. She admits she should have told me it would go no further a long time ago. Even if she did decide to be with me she would probably go back to him if he wanted her. You guys don't know all the stuff he has done. If it was so good why would I only be hearing about the bad stuff. What makes her want to be with a person like that so much? For you girls, guys wonder this all the time. Why women will stay in bad relationships. I offered her a lifetime of love and romance and everything I did was still not good enough. She says she will tell me why. So now I am so upset I am not sure if I can continue to go to work and see her. Or continue with anything at all. My whole life was suddenly about her and now I find my love for her may have been all for something fake. All the emotions and feelings for nothing. I feel like I was used and now I am no longer needed. She says she is sorry but I really don't see alot of emotion in it. She is probably back to her daily business as I sit for days upset, crushed and heart broken. This all after I tried to sincerly help her before I had these feelings. So I need your support. I feel like I could not love anyone ever again. I gave my heart away and it was stepped on. I feel I have no more love left. I am going to send her the link to this so please be honest in your opinions and support. Thanks for reading. You guys are all I got right now.
superconductor Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Before you do anything, use your head. Think hard - VERY HARD - about sending her the link to this thread. She already knows that you have developed feelings for her, and from what you've written it's pretty clear that she can't reciprocate. It seems that you got put into her friend zone pretty quickly. Not surprising, really, given that you work together and you supported her through her relationship drama. And undoubtedly she is sorry because she can't give you the kind of attention you crave, but she's also probably hiding it within herself because she's got enough on her plate right now. I'm not sure if you're asking for advice here or just venting. Either one is OK, but I don't want to jump the gun here and start ladling out great quantities of advice if it's not wanted. Rest assured, though, that you will be able to love again. It will take some time, and you will need to heal from this rejection, but it WILL happen.
KittenMoon Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Some girls crave relationship drama. They will always crave it, you cannot change them. Even if you gave her all the love and romance in the world, she would get bored because it's not up and down enough, not dramatic enough. I've never been able to figure out why these girls are like this- and boy have i spent time trying to (and I"m a girl too!). But what confuses me even more is why are you guys attracted to these kind of girls?! You cannot "save" them. You cannot be that knight in shining armor swooping down to save her from the terrible fire-breathing boyfriend. When you become emotional touchstones to these girls, you simply fulfill one of their needs, get little in return, and you enable them further to never take charge of their life and solve their own problems. Sorry to be harsh- but a guy who is willing to love and romance fully is too valuable a thing to be wasted on a drama addict. A guy who is willing to love and romance fully is a wonderful thing that, given time, will find a stable, emotional healthy girl who is willing to give the same back... if he lets himself find her.
Author abitconfused Posted August 31, 2006 Author Posted August 31, 2006 Yeah I am holding off on the link. I am not a game player but I feel like I really want her for some reason and it it tough to let what I was feeling just go.
KittenMoon Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 I am not a game player but I feel like I really want her for some reason and it it tough to let what I was feeling just go. Don't play games- and don't let her play games with you. I can almost guarantee the minute you stop showing her lots of attention she'll suddenly be your bestest friend the the whole wide world in order to rein you back in. This is a cycle that will repeat itself infinitely if you let it. If you disengage from feeding her neediness, and your own neediness for her, you will begin let go slowly.
Author abitconfused Posted August 31, 2006 Author Posted August 31, 2006 Thanks and I will let you know what happens with that.
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