never ending Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 [sIZE=2]How do you get out? Is it possible??? I have been involved w/my MM for 3 yrs. During this time we have lived together, went NC & nothing seems to work. I will admit that the passion of the R has dwindled to say the least. right now we exchange e-mails & thats about it. He is back home & sometimes tell me how great it is & other times tells me how horrible. We have both attempted to move on with our lives, I dated a guy for the past year of this A & actually ended up getting engaged & MM & W had another baby I broke my engagement off, I am just not ready to take that step & honestly incapable of loving 2 people at once. Right now I just feel stuck. NC kills me but every nonchalant e-mail makes me want to throw up! I know this is going no where. I have done nothing but waste time & grow to be insecure w/myself & obsessed with this relationship. We have just exchanged e-mails for a week or 2 after a couple weeks of NC- this episode of NC started after W found out AGAIN! She has pretty much known of me since day 1 But for some reason or another really thinks I go away?! This time is so diff from the other times we break NC usually we are off FULL BLAST this time its very BLAH!!!! I want to be able to stay calm & sickened by his actions Is anyone else in this situation? In an A somewhat out of obligation & the comfort of it??? I know this is very scattered sorry! [/sIZE]
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 You want to get off the rollercoaster? Then change your email address or block his emails and go for some real 'no contact'. You can't move forward when every blah email sends you a few steps back. You have a choice to make here: "comfort" and obligation or a chance to put this behind you and move forward and find someone who will make you a priority in his life rather than an afterthought worthy of nothing more than a few bland emails.
Author never ending Posted August 31, 2006 Author Posted August 31, 2006 Thats just it soooo much of me wants off this rollercoaster of emotional distruction! but I am hooked. Hooked to the chaos, hooked to the overwhelming passion we once had, hooked to the (as crazy as this sounds) the comfort of MM being there. I am so scared that I will never feel the way he made me feel again. I have dated several men in the past & present, none of them compare to his part time love & affection There is so much negative when it comes to him he without realizing it has destroyed my self esteem I feel like I have truley been emotionally fu**ed-raped! This relationship has done this to me yet he is the only one that makes me feel better I know sounds crazy!
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 1. Thats just it soooo much of me wants off this rollercoaster of emotional distruction! but I am hooked. Hooked to the chaos, hooked to the overwhelming passion we once had, hooked to the (as crazy as this sounds) the comfort of MM being there. 2. I am so scared that I will never feel the way he made me feel again. I have dated several men in the past & present, none of them compare to his part time love & affection 3. There is so much negative when it comes to him he without realizing it has destroyed my self esteem I feel like I have truley been emotionally fu**ed-raped! This relationship has done this to me yet he is the only one that makes me feel better 4. I know sounds crazy! 1. You are hooked, stuck, trapped - but the irony of it is that you are sitting there locked in a cage with the key right there in your hand. The trick is using it. You want out? Then unlock the cage and walk out. Change the email address. Block him. Don't accept his calls. You are addicted, and addiction doesn't go away as long as you are feeding it. If you want to be free from this then you have to end that addiction. You are holding on to some notion that it is going to go back to the way it was, but the truth of it is that it isn't. Perhaps you are addicted to your own misery and pain as well. Some people get so used to it that it becomes a way of being and they can't function unless there is pain/chaos/misery in their lives. Has this been a pattern for you - do you have a line of smoking ruins of relationships behind you? 2. The funny thing about affairs is that they stay in a perpetual state of "newness" - they rarely progress past the honeymoon stage because of the limited nature of the relationship. It is chaos, it is dangerous - there is that thrill of elicitness. That feeling you have that a man 'loves' you enough to put his family at risk to be with you. There is a certain amount of 'power' an OW gets from this - a huge ego trip, if you will. You feel sexy, wanted and powerful. On a huge high all the time, because in a OW/MM relationship you never have to deal with the lows - just the highs. He comes through the door and its passion, passion, passion. Right? Sound familiar? MM carves out a bit of space for you inside himself that is all about fantasy, danger, illicit sex and ego. You get that, and you get hooked to it. Unfortunately, it only goes so far. Your MM came down off his high and shoots you a few bland emails every once in a while keeping you on a string, while you sit in a corner jonesing for another fix. Not fair to you to keep yourself in this state. It may have made you feel like you were on top of the world, but look at where you are now. It sounds like you are on the bottom looking up and hoping to get up there again. From what it sounds like, MM isn't going to put you up there again - so it is up to you to decide. Stay down there at the bottom looking up, or walk away to find a new perspective... 3. This is what it is like to hit bottom with an addiction. You are at your lowest point, hoping to get back up on that high again. You remember the highs, while feeling the lows. Bad place to be. Like I said though, you hold the key here. You can walk away from this, you just have to unlock that door and walk through it. Your choice: embrace your misery, or walk away from it. 4. It doesn't sound crazy. It sounds like an addiction. It may seem now like there is no one else out there for you and right now - in your mind there isn't. You are fixated on this particular guy and how he made you feel. Until you break your addiction to this, he is going to pollute any chances you may have at finding someone who can love you full time, rather than having to settle for part time.
Guest Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 It doesn't sound crazy. It sounds like an addiction. It may seem now like there is no one else out there for you and right now - in your mind there isn't. You are fixated on this particular guy and how he made you feel. Until you break your addiction to this, he is going to pollute any chances you may have at finding someone who can love you full time, rather than having to settle for part time. Wow... Lucrezia! You hit the nail right on the head. Great advice, now if I could only take it and use it, but it is so dam hard!
reneet Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Wow... Lucrezia! You hit the nail right on the head. Great advice, now if I could only take it and use it, but it is so dam hard! Sometimes, you have to force yourself to take the advice given & use it! It sounds easier said than done. But you gotta TRY!!
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