Binnie2 Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Well im 24 and there is this guy that i have known for 13 years. We have always had this attraction together, and over the 13 years, have kissed a few times and thats about it. Ive always thought that if i was single and he was.. we'd end up together. Well now that time has come, but ive just got out of a very long relationship so obviously not wanting a boyfriend at this moment. Looking at him now, i dont really think he would be very good boyfriend material but i cant explain his massive sex appeal!! I was completely honest with him and explained that im not ready for a relationship yadda yadda yadda and he totally understood. I kinda think he is up for just a casual thing, (and i wont deny ive always wanted to with him) but i guess just worried of ruiniung a friendship. Anyones thoughts would be great. Thanks
fishtaco Posted September 1, 2006 Posted September 1, 2006 Friends with benefits are very difficult to maintain. Both of you have to keep your emotions in check. Takes a lot of maturity and understanding for each other not to have this ruin your friendship. Jealousy is the killer. Since this is casual, both of you are allowed to go out and meet others. Imagine one day you run into him at a bar by coincidence (you didn't have any plans with him), and he's putting the moves on this girl. If you can be okay with that, and maybe even help him out a bit, then from your side, you can handle this. He needs to be able to do the same for you too. And sooner or later, one of you will develop feelings, if not for the other person, maybe by meeting someone else that you want to date exclusively. Then this will have to end. Both of you have to be mature enough to end it on a good note, otherwise friendship will be damaged. Even if you can get through these two big issues, there are the logistics. What are the rules? If you go to lunch as friends (no benefits for that particular event), is he or you allowed to flirt with others? Or maybe everytime you are together you have to act like a couple, but are free only when seperated? What if he wants to hook up with your friend, or you want to hook up with his? Are certain people "off limits" during your "free" period? And plus I'm sure many other situations. So I'm not saying don't do it, but proceed with caution. Keep an open dialog with him. Make sure there are no passive aggressive behaviors, and there are no assumptions from both sides. Talk things through with him as much as possible before even starting the benefits portion. Agree upon a set of rules. But really, if you haven't had a friends with benefits situation blow up in your face before, you don't really know what areas that these rules need to cover, and most likely will end in a situation where you didn't think to make rules for, and then explosion. But if you have open communication you may be able to catch it and fix it before the actual explosion. Real relationships and marriages often don't even have open communication, so while this is possible, it is asking a lot. I can tell you it will be fun though. You can always chalk it up to a learning experience.
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