ALLALONEAT35 Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Today we had a family dinner, it is my son's b-day. My husband was unsure if he could come, so we told him if he came dinner was at six. Well six oclock came, and no signs of my husband, I had such a dissapointed feeling. My husband has been his step dad for 10 years, I keeped thinking, he could of least called. Well dinner was almost done and by 6:15 he showed. I cried alittle, but noone notice. So here we were all sitting around the table having a great dinner, there wasnt alot of conversation, just alot of small talk. To be honest I really didnt know what to say to him. My heart wanted to tell him, come home I love you, but I couldnt get the words out, I guess I was afraid of the rejection. Besides I dont want him to know I sit around the house crying from time to time, wishing on a lucky star, he would come home. He doesnt seem to miss me at all. This is the hardest thing I have ever experienced. How can this man control my feelings so much, I wished I could just let him go and move forward, but something keeps pulling me back... You know for a moment I felt like old times. love hurts......................... :(
luvstarved Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Well I am not sure I understand your situation...sounds like you are separated from your husband, who is the stepdad to your son? And that he left? I know you said you were just venting but people can give you better feedback if we understand your situation a little better. From what I can tell, he came to the family dinner 15 minutes late? That is not such a big deal but it sort of sounds like you were really worried and upset about it. But it is hard to comment without having more context... It sounds like you are in a lot of pain. I hope you will share more; this board is very helpful to many.
Author ALLALONEAT35 Posted August 31, 2006 Author Posted August 31, 2006 I really wasnt trying to make a big deal out of him coming 15 minutes late, I was a little upset that he might not come, and I didnt want to hurt my son. He has been the step father for 10 years, the kids call him dad, one of my daughters has disabilities and only knows of him as dad. Of course it painful to watch him come and go, I just wished he would just come home and stay. But right now, is seems like his own daughter and mother controls him. I am trying hard to let go its only been 2 months, each day gets easier. My husband never cheated on me, he got overwhelmed with the responsibilites of 5 kids, and was dealing with alot of guilt for not being there for two of them, his own, in which we received temp custody about a year now, their mother decided to do the drug thing and forget she had kids. I love his kids and miss them, so not only did a lose my husband, I lost two kids who I deeply cared about. I can admit I struggled with is daughter who is 14yrs old, she was use to doing things her way only. I really believe her mother blamed her alot for the problems in the house. My step daughter had became mom to 3 of her sibilings while mom did her drug thing. The mom would leave those kids home alone for days, should I tell you the age, 14, 11, 5, and 3. Both my step kids missed alot of school, the law was involved. It was hard I will admit, his daughter seemed to have a power struggle over me, I would always try to make her understand that I was here for her, but she didnt want to hear that. She would boss her brother around, I would have to tell her I will take care of him, it wasnt her place. Not thinking it has been her place for the last so many years. Looking back, there is so many things I could of done differently, but seriously it was hard, I felt like I was doing everything on my own. From taking care of the kids, house, going to work, and going to school. While my husband would go to work and come home a sit and I mean sit in front of a fish tank for hours. He called it his hobby, it was his way of avoiding the responsibilities. Honestly, I should of been the one leaving him because of the ****, but I was standing by my man for better to worst. I am talking to old friends from the past which is nice, but alittle strange at the same time. My one friend is a exboyfriend, who is married, I kinda feel strange talking to him because of that, there isnt no love between us, no sex or anything, just the two of us talking. I dont know how is wife feels about that, but I do say to him time to time we all should get together and go out his wife included.
Lor Posted September 1, 2006 Posted September 1, 2006 Hey Al. First off, yes, you'd better make dang sure that your friend's wife knows and if she feels even the slightest bit threatened, back away. He may seem like a lifeline to you but you'll need to show respect for their marriage also. I'm sure you know this. Hang in there. Yep, 2 months into it and its not gonna stop anytime soon. I really wish you could see...well, but you'll have to do that yourself. Do me a favor? Don't make excuses for him or to try and figure out his actions. You are trying to rationalize why he left and that is not for you to understand because I can bet he doesn't understand. You won't be getting over this anytime soon until you have that swift kick to wake you up. And for your sake I hope its soon. I hate reading anyone else who has to deal with this kind of lapse in their marriage because it is so futile--you have no idea. I still stick to what I said--leave him alone, no phone calls, no visits, nothing, nada. You gotta trust me on this. if you want him to miss you, or to see the real him, you will have to do this. He's like an addiction; time to go cold turkey. And it will get easier but you'll have to find other outlets. there is life out there without him. don't kid yourself into believing that you can't be happy without him--you can and you will.
Author ALLALONEAT35 Posted September 2, 2006 Author Posted September 2, 2006 Thks Lori I need someone like you around me at all times to tell me how it is. I know deep down there is more to life then him, but like you said, I am addicted... Today he had a court date dealing with his kids custody, I woke up this morning feeling like I had to be there. So I woke up and went straight to him. He did seem grateful. However, the time we shared together seem more like complete silence, we had nothing to say.. When I was getting ready to leave he thanked me for going with him, I told him that is what friends are for.. I told him I have already proved myself to him, its his turn to meet me at least halfway, then I said "oh I forgot", I am just your exxxxxxxx... I left, feeling good about leaving. When it comes to my friend, he is just a friend...
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