Guest Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Need some guidance........ The first guy I've dated after my 15 yr relationship ended 10 months ago is really great. He has told me recently that it has always been his fantasy to have a threesome. I too have always wanted to try this but my ex was not interested in trying this out. My new guy and I have been dating for about a month. My concern is that girl he has chosen is a girl he once dated but no longer has romantic feelings for. She however still has feelings for him. I told him that I do NOT want to hurt her and he agreed so he is trying to come up with a story to tell her about us. We've both agreed that we don't want her to know that we are dating. Now, I'm getting cold feet, not sure if I could go through with this or if this is even a good idea. Plus, my trust in men is at an all time low right now. But on the other hand, I can't enter into a new relationship without fully trusting my guy. My policy is trust until he proves to be untrustworthy. I'm seriously confused so any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated.
britchick Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Need some guidance........ The first guy I've dated after my 15 yr relationship ended 10 months ago is really great. He has told me recently that it has always been his fantasy to have a threesome. I too have always wanted to try this but my ex was not interested in trying this out. My new guy and I have been dating for about a month. My concern is that girl he has chosen is a girl he once dated but no longer has romantic feelings for. She however still has feelings for him. I told him that I do NOT want to hurt her and he agreed so he is trying to come up with a story to tell her about us. We've both agreed that we don't want her to know that we are dating. Now, I'm getting cold feet, not sure if I could go through with this or if this is even a good idea. Plus, my trust in men is at an all time low right now. But on the other hand, I can't enter into a new relationship without fully trusting my guy. My policy is trust until he proves to be untrustworthy. I'm seriously confused so any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated. I think it would be a really bad idea to involve an ex in a situation like this, even if she didn't still have feelings for him. Lying to get her into bed??? Hmmm, that sounds familiar. Even if she comes out of this unscathed, what about you? Are you sure you will be able to cope with the possible jealousy, comparisons etc. It sounds to me like you are quite vulnerable at the moment and although you say this has been a fantasy of yours for a long time, is it more to do with making your new bf happy and keeping him interested? If you are really up for this, fine, but don't lie to anyone else to get them involved, that would be incredibly cruel.
burning 4 revenge Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 I told him that I do NOT want to hurt her and he agreed so he is trying to come up with a story to tell her about us. Hmmm, I don't understand why you'd have trust issues here
Outcast Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 ROTFL! Um I think you mean 'ménage à trois' . Menage et toi means 'mix and me' LOL. Sometimes fantasies are best left in the realm of fantasy.
silentcharon Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Having a threesome and all that is great. However, since you are having doubts, don't go through with it. A threesome with your bf and his ex? Baaaaddddd idea. This will just turn ugly. Try to see if you can find someone else who isn't in any way attached to you or your boyfriend.
norajane Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Threesomes don't turn out well unless everyone is on the same page, meaning they've discussed and agree on all kinds of things starting from why they are there through to what kind of pairings/sexual acts are acceptable and desireable to safe sex practices to what you will do if someone becomes uncomfortable and when you will stop and on and on. You don't start out by lying, and you don't involve people who have residual feelings or vulnerabilities. I'd say hold off until you feel more comfortable in your relationship with your guy, and find someone else so you can ALL be honest with each other about expecations and what the experience is.
Guest Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Need some guidance........ The first guy I've dated after my 15 yr relationship ended 10 months ago is really great. He has told me recently that it has always been his fantasy to have a threesome. I too have always wanted to try this but my ex was not interested in trying this out. My new guy and I have been dating for about a month. My concern is that girl he has chosen is a girl he once dated but no longer has romantic feelings for. She however still has feelings for him. I told him that I do NOT want to hurt her and he agreed so he is trying to come up with a story to tell her about us. We've both agreed that we don't want her to know that we are dating. Now, I'm getting cold feet, not sure if I could go through with this or if this is even a good idea. Plus, my trust in men is at an all time low right now. But on the other hand, I can't enter into a new relationship without fully trusting my guy. My policy is trust until he proves to be untrustworthy. I'm seriously confused so any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated. I had a threesome once. but in a much more established relationship to please my boyfriends fantasy.All I can tell you is that the next morning I was worried sick about what his view of me wouild be after that. would he still be able to look at me the same way? would he lose any respect for me, or think that after this Ill give into his evbery fantasy? while none of this affected out realtionship later. we were great and broke up for other reasons. I think you should talk about this before hand with him if u love him. and If you want to have a threesome too, just forget it, and youll eventually ahve to pick a girl he likes anyways, I think its better that its a girl hes ALREADY gone out with and didnt like, cause that way u know that if he still liked her hed still be with her and not you. forget about what she wants, but dont let him lead her on to make her a part of the threesome either. good luck
ls3360 Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 ROTFL! Um I think you mean 'ménage à trois' . Good catch. You made me do some reading. Menage et toi means 'mix and me'...or more likely "household and you" 'ménage à trois' is "household of three" "mélange et moi" is "mix and me" 'of course subject to correction by someone who REALLY knows French :-)
Guest Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Good catch. You made me do some reading. ...or more likely "household and you" 'ménage à trois' is "household of three" "mélange et moi" is "mix and me" 'of course subject to correction by someone who REALLY knows French :-) i think the question is how would u feel about it? and what would u think about something like that? have u explored 'safe ways' before the real deal? would u be able to be totally honest and trusting? feel safe and able to relax and enjoy yerself? personally, if i was asked that by my gal i would want to talk with her about why she wants that..maybe she is bi, maybe she wants to discover her sexuality, u never know sometimes [somethings u do - but u know what i mean] - i think we all have fantasies about many things and sometimes just sharing those thoughts with yer partner is enuff however, i think for me i would want to know and feel that there is nothing that would attract her away from me - u need a solid foundation for that and my gal knows that i have always received pleasure from her and us in many ways there is no rule book - only the one uj create together thru communication i am dying to ask her some things about our past - because i learn about her i love her and would never be someone that surpresses her desires, growth, wants in any way
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