Grrr Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 So i posted this recently. Reading over it... the way i type is blooming awful lol so ill use proper punctuation instead of throwing it around! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t97075/ Im at the point now, where i love him still, obviously. I would completely marry him if he were only to ask me. He phones me everyday to talk to me, tells me like he does it because he does not have internet yet to speak to me, and sometimes says alot of realyl sweet things to me. He even leaves xxxx's at the ends of his txts, he never did that while we were together. Im absolutely baffled. Really, does he want me? does he love me? or is this just him feeling obliged to call me because he came and stayed with me? Ive noticed myself acting really cool over it. I miss him like crazy but im not willing to compromise myself by just acting like obsessed and "why dont you call me!" stuff.. ive just gone with the flow. I miss him so bad, im desperate for him to say lets get back together yet i know it would be ridiculous cos he is in the USA and im here in the UK. What do i do? i mean, did he ask me to visit him as a friend? im not interested in being used for sex, although i really dont believe thats in his nature to do that. I've been trying to get the courage up to say, look i cannot do this anymore, it hurts me too much. In hopes of a reaction from him, a positive one. But it seems like now hes back over there, it wont particularly bother him. Like i was maybe just something comforting and familiar while he was back visiting the UK ya know? I want to say, lets not talk, in the hopes of him saying no.. i want to. Im totally baffled as to what to do, i havent cried about this yet, but i seem to be crying about everything else... like i got declined an overdraft on my Bankcard!!! i started crying to the bank man!!!! like a big baby lol, its so not like me, maybe im just emotional from my car crash i dont know. I feel like i need to be set straight, but i ask him so many questions as it is, so i cant just ask "what do you want" "what is this?" "do you love me?" or anything like that... i need another way to do this.. thanks for reading Baffled
Author Grrr Posted August 31, 2006 Author Posted August 31, 2006 Sorry guys, jsut wanted to bump this, see if anyone has any advice.
DeeBrod83 Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Ok... maybe he's afraid of the commitment. How old are you guys? It sounds like he obviously still likes you, so why did you break up in the first place (if that's already been discussed, please brief me). Don't let him take advantage of you though: if you're not dating, than don't be a 'g/f' to him (no sex, don't be a doormat). I would start treating this the way it is: you broke up. Let it be. I KNOW IT'S HARD, but I think you doing that will tell you how he really feels by the way he reacts. Obviously I feel your best bet is to just talk about it, but you said you didn't want to do that (why exactly??), so here's another idea. I wouldn't tell him to not call you or whatever, but I'd say "look we're broken up, maybe we should act like it." and see what happens from there.
Author Grrr Posted August 31, 2006 Author Posted August 31, 2006 Hi DeeBrod thanks for your response. I dont think he is afraid of commitment, i was with him for 2 years, and 2 years before me he was with a girl for 4 years. i am 20 and he is 26... that has never been an issue though... He does still like me, i think, but i think hes a bit scared to tell me, yet again, even after the spur of the moment and the flushing feelings after seeing me after so long, that he doesnt love me really. We broke up because he took a job in america, and he did not want me to come with him, told me he didnt really love me anymore, and then later told me he did, but he had to tell himself that he didnt in order for him to move on soundly....I totally agree, the sex was probably a mistake, but its too late now. I wont give it him anymore, but is visiting him voer there a good idea? im a bit worried that maybe hes changed his mind but doesnt want to say, ya know? i dont want him feeling pity on me, like he cant tell me incase i fall aaprt... I dont want to talk to him about it because while he was back ehre i asked him so many questions that it shold be unnecessary for me to ask him anymore. I am notorious within this relationship to question everything, i seem to need reassurance all the time, and he hated it. cos he is not that type of person. Yeah i wanted to try NC again, but he calls me so much on so many different numbers hes hard to avoid... and plus i enjoy a game online, and he does the same, i dotn want to be horrible to him, because despite it all he was, and probably still is my best friend, this all just hurts too much, its almost asif im beign dragged along the pavement "just in case" i mean, i cant ask him if he loves me, i dont think its right to do that over the phone nor the internet. I just dont want to be a convenience to him, should i just wait until he mentions me visiting him?. also, when i tried NC last time, he came over to england and we talked about, how it would be right to just not talk anymore.. we both agreed, and it was that same night that we ended up meeting at the bank... and that very same nigth, that he confessed that when we were saying earlier on, about not seeing eachother anymoer. He said he was almost in tears at the thought of it.... that is a really shocking thing for him to say... i totally blabbed i apologise... its nice to actually write it down though for some reasn thank you.
DeeBrod83 Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Ok... sounds like IMHO you should move on. Stay friends definitely, but don't treat him any different than maybe one of your best friends. You can say "I love you" but keep the "I miss/need/want you"s to a minimum. Try to ask yourself: would I say this to a chic? Transistion is tough, but if you guys are as close as you sound, than it's worth the effort. I have this same thing with my best guy friend (well best friend period): we dated, I broke up with him b/c I loved him but wasn't in love (no spark) but we still remain friends. I think you can go visit definitely, but you may want to wait until you guys have this 'friends' thing under control. But look: you're young, this guy is so far away, and there are plenty of other people out there. And you're especially strong b/c you have a best friend still in this guy. Go have fun and live life... you may find later on down the road that you two were meant to be together and you'll both be ready to make that effort. Good luck to you!! This stuff is NEVER EVER easy!
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