Author prrthd1 Posted September 19, 2006 Author Posted September 19, 2006 I guess I should have titled this "Why Can't I Let Go?" rather than "Why Won't He Cut the Cord?" Oh, well.
Guest Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Don't be so hard on yourself! You are in the process of letting go, and you've experienced a life-changing event that's shaken your beliefs to the core. You've been in shock for a while, but you're now gathering and assimilating what you've learned. Keep us posted.
Author prrthd1 Posted September 20, 2006 Author Posted September 20, 2006 Well, well ,well. I find out something new everyday. The wife of my ex's best friend called my office today. (This is not unusual. Our offices do business with each other). I have talked to her a few times since the break-up, but neither of us mentioned it. It was like we wanted to and it was awkward, but we didn't. I got to know her and her husband pretty well. I was at their house a few times and we all went out together, etc. She was talking to my mom and asked how I was doing. (I have no idea how she found out I was having a hard time). Mom told her it had been rough and that nobody saw it coming or knew why, etc. She told mom how much they all liked me and how much fun we had, blah blah blah. She said they never see my ex anymore. She said her husband only sees him at work and she never sees him. Mom said, "That girl must have a little hold on him." She replied, "A little! More like a lot!" They were his best friends and now he has stopped hanging around them since he started dating this girl. I don't get it!? It's like he has changed completely.
Guest Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Ok, interesting news, but remember, not that important. It sounds like it's hard keeping "clean" when you're living in such a closeknit town, but what he's doing doesn't matter.
Author prrthd1 Posted September 21, 2006 Author Posted September 21, 2006 Ok, so this lady called my office again today and I talked to her for about 10 minutes. She told me what she had told my mom about him not coming around any of his friends anymore and how he acted completely different lately. She said that her and her husband passed him and the girl and they were beeping and waving and my ex would barely wave at them. She said he knows that nobody really likes her and that she's giggly and stupid and loud. She also said his family was not pleased about his relationship with the young girl. In fact, she said her and her husband had run into my ex's parents one night and his mom said something about never seeing them anymore. She said, "Well you'll have to talk to ex about that." His mom said, "What do you mean?" She said, "I think that little girl has a pretty tight hold on him." His mom just rolled her eyes and said, "I don't even want to talk about it." I told her that I had heard that my ex's sister didn't care too much about young girl either. She said his sister couldn't stand her and had been telling him the same thing that I think he needs to do - spend some time ALONE. Anyway, she said she didn't know what was going on with him. He's given up his friends and getting disapproval from his family over her. She said he must like hanging out with her 19 and 20 yr old friends. But, she said they missed seeing me and asked me to go to lunch with her one day. (It would be HILARIOUS if I start hanging out with his friends again). I know I shouldn't be worried about any of this because it concerns HIM and he is making his own choices. But it does make me feel better that everybody liked me so much and they can't stand her.
swirly27 Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 I know all of this is clouding your head right now, but none of it really matters. It won't matter who liked you, or who liked who better, how wrong for him she is and how no one likes her. I have been here before and with my current ex and how he acted, everyone liked me and said he was definitely not acting like himself......that kept (and sometimes keeps) my hope alive for something to happen still. BUT, it only hurts us because it doesn't matter who they are with, how they are acting different or if we are pretty and nice and great - if THEY don't think it and act it and show it then it doesn't matter at all! I am still telling myself all this, but hearing you analyze every word and action of what he's doing and what everyone else thinks won't matter at all....it'll only drive you nuts. So, I think you really just need to stop hearing all this stuff, stop asking and move on....its hard I know though so good luck!!
Author prrthd1 Posted September 23, 2006 Author Posted September 23, 2006 First of all, I started therapy yesterday. Don't feel like I accomplished much the first session, but I think it will help in the long run. The therapist said we had skipped a lot of the first session stuff because I had already analyzed myself so well. LOL Secondly, I got asked out last night and I said yes and now I'm panicking. I don't know why I did that. He is a friend of some friends. Don't get me wrong, the guy is very cute and seems nice; but I'm SO not ready. I hung out with him in a group last night and we hit it off, but I find myself thinking about my ex constantly when I'm with another guy. It's like the more I'm around other men, the more I realize how comfortable that relationship was and how much I love my ex. I don't know what to do. I told him I would go out with him tonight, and I will, but I feel miserable about it.
Guest Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 You've got to just go and do it. It's like exercise. If you just sit there, you're not going to grow in strength. If you take a series of baby steps, before you know it, you'll be in a different place from where you started. This is just ONE date. It's not a huge commitment. It'll bring another layer of experience to think about and replace the air time in your brain that's been clogged for way too long with thoughts about the other guy. You'll start getting more interesting to be around too, with another perspective to bring from the diversity of social interactions you have. I think you have the right attitude about therapy. Remember to keep away from the gossip about your ex.
D-Lish Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 Yes! I agree! Don't talk about the ex at all. Regardless of whether or not you feel romantic feelings for your date- it's still great to get out, to know you are desired. Go into this date with the mindset that you are going to wow his socks off with your charm and beauty...regardless of how you are feeling inside. It's good practice- and when you act happy and confident on the outside, the inside eventually catches up. Trust me on that. Have fun! D
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