consternation Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 Finally cracked today and sent MM a flurry of abusive, not to say demented, emails. I am attempting to do a take home exam at the moment and this whole thing has severely compromised my ability to write philosophy essays overnight. Im totally sick of the whole thing and am thinking of swearing off relationships for good. It's not just that he's married etc... the end of a relationship is so unpleasant no matter what... I hate feeling like pathetic needy person... The whole thing is doomed anyway so it's probably best to make a clean break.
justdontknow Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 I certainly know how you feel and I am so very sorry that you are going thru this pain and espeically at a time where you need to have your mind on something else, but you can't swear off relationships all together, we need love and companionship and I firmly believe there is someone for all of us and all of the pain you've been thru will be washed away when you look into that someone's eyes. Kinda like when you have a baby, hurts like you wouldn't believe, but it's all worth it the first time you hold that child in your arms.
Author consternation Posted August 30, 2006 Author Posted August 30, 2006 THank you just.... I think things are just too much at the moment. My father nearly died last weekend as he started uncontrollably bleeding from his colostomy opening (has had bowel removed) and had to have emergency surgery. It was my partner's, the one who died, birthday on the weekend so it was a bit much. It makes you wonder what is the point of having someone in your life if they can't be with you at times like that, and in fact are just an additional source of stress. I felt like exploding today, to the extent of actually doing wanky meditation things (pain out, healing light in breathing !!!!) in a desperate attempt to refocus. Then I felt guilty for even being upset... I have worked so hard after the death of my partner to regain equilibrium, when I am someone who has lost someone and gone through that agony I feel like it's really self indulgent to be in pain when its basically MY CHOICE to be in this situation... nobody has died, I'm just in a relationship that hurts and maybe I should pull myself together, realise what's important and what I want to achieve in my life, and get to it.
Author consternation Posted August 30, 2006 Author Posted August 30, 2006 Probably natural human emotions? Duh. Don't bring me down superconductor, can't you tell I'm psyching myself up?
PoshPrincess Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 Finally cracked today and sent MM a flurry of abusive, not to say demented, emails. I am attempting to do a take home exam at the moment and this whole thing has severely compromised my ability to write philosophy essays overnight. Im totally sick of the whole thing and am thinking of swearing off relationships for good. It's not just that he's married etc... the end of a relationship is so unpleasant no matter what... I hate feeling like pathetic needy person... The whole thing is doomed anyway so it's probably best to make a clean break. Sorry C, have only just caught up with what's been going on for you after 5 days off line. Stick with it, it's only the waiting that's frustrating you really. I am saying this because I SO wish it was me in the position you are with your MM (in as much as I wish he had made a break to leave and be with me). It seems like your MM really loves you (as I am sure you know, although doubt from time to time) and he's taking big steps to be with you. Be patient. It will SO worth it in the end. Don't listen to doubters like The Wife - you can understand her frustration - I feel bitter like that at the moment although my situation is completely different from hers, of course. EVERY situation is different (although there are often lots of similarities) and sometimes there IS a happy ending. Some of these MMs are strong and will do what makes them happy rather than take the cowards way out by staying when there's obviously something wrong in their marriage and those ones will probably just go on cheating to fill that void. Only one month. Must seem like a long time but you will get there and be happier than ever. Lots and lots of luck and remember we are all here to support you. Get on line and talk to us rather than contacting him. He will contact you when he's ready
Author consternation Posted August 30, 2006 Author Posted August 30, 2006 Thanks Posh. You're right, it's the waiting and I suppose I should stick it out for the month (only a month lost, and will be out of country for 2 weeks of it anyway). I don't know if MM will be interested after my blistering emails though. I have very mixed feelings about all this. Is it really supposed to be this hard? Will try to post psychotic messages here instead, in future. Anyway, there's a good chance I will be in the same boat as you, he will crawl back to wife or whatever... considering she wants him back desperately and so on. After my performance today (in email: you are a source of misery, you have f*cked everything up, I don't think I can ever get past this pain you have caused me so our relationship is doomed etc etc) she might seem like much the better option.
Interloper Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 The whole thing is doomed anyway so it's probably best to make a clean break. Hmmmm, very zen Consternation. Perhaps you can include this is your essay?
movinon05 Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 As hard as it is, I think you really need to try to calm down. He did make some moves and you still have a month to go. Try to remember that he is going through emotional times as well. If its only one more month, and you do have a possible good outcome in all of this, its best to not rock the boat right now. You don't want to push him the other way!! I'm sure you are going through trying times, I understand. But you won't know for another month, so do try to not sabotage what you've got going and also not sabotage your studies. I know its hard. You did agree to NC to give him time and at least you've been able to keep in some contact. So do what you need to do. Its not over yet.
PoshPrincess Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Anyway, there's a good chance I will be in the same boat as you, he will crawl back to wife or whatever... considering she wants him back desperately and so on. After my performance today (in email: you are a source of misery, you have f*cked everything up, I don't think I can ever get past this pain you have caused me so our relationship is doomed etc etc) she might seem like much the better option. Don't think like that! If he really loves you (and it certainly seems like he does) then he will understand why you are so frustrated. Do what you have agreed though and give him time. These things are never easy. I left my partner of 8 years (a year ago today, funnily enough). There was no one else involved but it was still very traumatic, even for me (although more so for him obviously!) No matter how he 'doesn't feel' about his W he will still want to make things as straightforward and painless for her as possible and feel totally free so that he can give you everything he wants and feels you deserve! Keep smiling. It will happen.
kymberann Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 I know this may sound harsh...but don't cut your nose off to spite your face. I've been reading and following your story... and just crossing my fingers for you. You are so close to SOMETHING being resolved, one way or another. Give it time. At least your MM is attempting something that most don't or aren't willing to do. If you need to, break the situation down into several parts. In other words compartmentalize! His leaving and divorcing current wife and then you two working on the relationship to come are two seperate things. If you think about it most relationships are doomed one way or another, there's always something! Keep ranting here so you don't blow your chances here! I have a friend who has been in similar situations as ours and she told me whenn it comes to MM "Patience is progress". Best!
Author consternation Posted August 31, 2006 Author Posted August 31, 2006 Yeah I really regret losing my temper. I sent an email just saying ''sorry i lost my temper, i know what you're going through is big and I will bow back out of the picture until future notice now''. I suppose it's that case of the last bit always being the hardest... whether it's a race or waiting for something... And I think I'm worried about getting that call that he's sorry.. they are going to work it out... etc...
kymberann Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Nothing wrong with losing that temper every now and then! I t hink it's what keeps us sane in the interim! Hang in there! Best!
PoshPrincess Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 And I think I'm worried about getting that call that he's sorry.. they are going to work it out... etc... Be optimistic C, you still have some hope so stick with it!
reneet Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Yeah I really regret losing my temper. I sent an email just saying ''sorry i lost my temper, i know what you're going through is big and I will bow back out of the picture until future notice now''. I suppose it's that case of the last bit always being the hardest... whether it's a race or waiting for something... And I think I'm worried about getting that call that he's sorry.. they are going to work it out... etc... Maybe you cauld back off for a while & see where that leads?? See if he contacts you...
Author consternation Posted August 31, 2006 Author Posted August 31, 2006 There was an email back from MM this morning, in response to my apology. "Thank you [my name]. I know it's tough for you also and I'm sorry for making you upset a lot. I'll talk to you later."" I will just leave it there and not respond.
kymberann Posted September 1, 2006 Posted September 1, 2006 THat's a good sign that all is not lost! Keep on! Best
Author consternation Posted September 1, 2006 Author Posted September 1, 2006 I feel like I'm going to suffocate I miss him so much. It's physically hurting. I want to talk to him but know there's no point.
PoshPrincess Posted September 1, 2006 Posted September 1, 2006 I feel like I'm going to suffocate I miss him so much. It's physically hurting. I want to talk to him but know there's no point. I'm with you there. I know it doesn't help, but you're not the only one feeling like that. We're all with you or have been at some time or other. Thing is, you still have some hope. You'll be together soon; I'm sure you will. Just leave him to sort things out and in the meantime, try and keep as busy as possible! Jeez, we're all so good at giving advice but never so good at taking it!
Author consternation Posted September 2, 2006 Author Posted September 2, 2006 MM texted me last night... I'm feeling quite p*ssed off & disappointed as I feel his texts show evidence of turning ala Hard2think (says anything to keep relationship going, etc) Him: '[my name] just want to say I miss you so much and that you are in my thoughts a lot, hope you and [my daughter] are ok, you dont have to reply: Me: I am missing you very much Him: ty for reply and I understand, I am mentally not in marriage anymore but I will see you soon. !! What is that supposed to mean?? ''mentally not in marriage'' = so full of crap, as far as I'm concerned. To continue: Me: Are you drunk Him: why Me: because its saturday night & you're sending desperate texts Him: I miss you a lot thats all Me: Are you still with wife Him: MY head not there anymore and I want you [my name] !! Confirmation of his bullsh*tness!!! Me: then you will let me know when you can make that happen Him: yes and have good night to you and [my daughter] What a load of crap.
kymberann Posted September 3, 2006 Posted September 3, 2006 Why do you think this is a load of crap? Has he done this before? He said he will see you soon. Has he ever not followed through with what he said he would do? Best!
Author consternation Posted September 3, 2006 Author Posted September 3, 2006 Thank you Kymberann. He told me previously (higher in this thread I think? ) that his wife was moving out with sister.. I had my doubts as to whether that would happen (given its rather hard to find a place in one day). Reading between the lines from his texts, she has not moved out. I truly am feeling like I can't stand this much longer. I'm finding it hard to function.. certainly operating way below maximum efficiency lol. I don't understand why he doesn't just leave. Therefore, I have my doubts that he actually will - or at least within the time frame I specified.
kymberann Posted September 3, 2006 Posted September 3, 2006 I don't understand why he doesn't just leave. Therefore, I have my doubts that he actually will - I am struggling with this concept too! I don't get it! I know my MM is miserable, so why don't they just make a clean break, they have a choice! Choose misery for the rest of their lives over being with someone where there is compatibility/friendship whatever it is. Anyway that's just a rant. I spent the morning with MM and there are times when we leave each other I just end up missing him so much more and even feeling miserable. I know I've chosen it though! So my question is why do we keep holding out? Hang in there, there will be an answer for you sooner or later! Best!
Author consternation Posted September 4, 2006 Author Posted September 4, 2006 Heard from MM. He says his wife and he have agreed on a divorce. He says I shouldn't worry so much and ''everything will work out with time''. I'm finding it hard to be patient.
kymberann Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Unfortunately you are going to have to be! WHat can you do in the mean time to prepare or to take care of yourself? Do something different! Learn something new. Enjoy the time now, because when it comes to working even more on this R it's gonna take a whole lotta ya! What I wouldn't give to get a message like that from my MM! Take care!
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