innocntlisy1981 Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 ha im having a baby out of wedlock with the man i love i dont consider us to be DISGUSTING ,just very lucky to have what we have.Atleast my child wont be bought up to pass so much judgment on other people.As a matter of fact im disgusted with touche reply outaa line.
whichwayisup Posted October 15, 2006 Posted October 15, 2006 I'm having mixed emotions about giving my baby my boyfriend's last name. My boyfriend never thought twice about it and automatically assumed that the baby would have his last name. However, I know a ton of women who have given their baby their last names. I don't know why this bothers me - I just hate the idea of my little baby having a different last name than me. My boyfriend and I aren't engaged (we've only been dating 1.5 years) - so who knows when I'll finally have the same name as my baby. Thoughts? You could use one of the lastname's as a middle name? Depending on what it is. Depending on how comfortable you two are, maybe use his as a middle name and yours as a late name? Either way, it's something to discuss. One of my closest friends did this, instead of hyphenating.
gracey Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I'll tell you from personal experience. I didn't give my son his father's last name. We did get married when he was 2. We want to change his last name but don't have the money to go to court and change it. He is now 8 and realizes his last name is different than everyone in the family. Our finacial situation is finally looking up and we are now changing his last name. I really wish I had allowed his father to give him his last name from the start. For 8 years his birth cert. read father unkown.
Buttaflyy Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 For 8 years his birth cert. read father unkown. Did you know that this would be the outcome (father unknown on the birth cert.)? I know of women who have given their children their names and the father was still listed on the birth certificate. It was simply a matter of the father not signing the form to have his name given as the child's name. I always did wonder about this, how the mother's were able to pull this off (put dad on the bc w/o his sig).
myflyby Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 I just am not prepared to explain about out of wedlock babies to him at this young age. Got it now? ..... I did not turn this into a personal attack at all. I merely suggested, for other readers contemplating going the single mother route, that they just might want to think about this BEFORE the baby comes. 1) what exactly is there to explain? two people, in love, choose to have a child. its not very complicated. 2) the OP is not a single mother. she has referred to her BOYFRIEND several times in this post. Unless you consider an unmarried parent a single parent.
mamabear Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 I had both of my kids before I was married, gave them both MY last name then..I married their dad this last July and we have to go threw all the BS of having them changed. I'm glad I did it the way I did because it will be easier to change this way. Looking back its always better to wait until you are married, you may not see the little things now but they come up along the way and you start to see why you wish you were married having your kids. My 5 year old was horrified that I wasn't married to her dad when she was born, she brought it up and I wasnt about to lie. I don't feel like a good example, I cant preach to her the right thing when I didn't do it myself
Touche Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 I had both of my kids before I was married, gave them both MY last name then..I married their dad this last July and we have to go threw all the BS of having them changed. I'm glad I did it the way I did because it will be easier to change this way. Looking back its always better to wait until you are married, you may not see the little things now but they come up along the way and you start to see why you wish you were married having your kids. My 5 year old was horrified that I wasn't married to her dad when she was born, she brought it up and I wasnt about to lie. I don't feel like a good example, I cant preach to her the right thing when I didn't do it myself Yes you can, Mama. Tell her that you're in the BEST position to know what's right having learned from your mistakes. I think it says a lot about you that you're willing to recognize and own up to your mistakes. I applaud you. I hope you're not criticized like I was, for expressing similar views. Your kids are lucky to have a mother who actually cares about what they think.
pricillia Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 We gave our son my maiden name as his middle name. But on another note: I was getting my son breakfast this morning and a story came on TV about that nut Tom Cruise and his equally nutty girlfriend. They were discussing their baby and when the two will get married. My son (10) said "They have a baby and they're not married?" I was pissed that I even had to deal with that. It's disgusting (sorry, OP but that's my opinion.) We've always taught him that you GET MARRIED and THEN you have a baby. He never knew that it can happen in reverse. It really sucked that I had to tell him otherwise. And yes, I told him it's disgusting and left it at that. Give the child HIS last name and marry the guy! What will YOU tell your child one day when he/she asks. And if you hate the idea of your baby having a different last name, why didn't you think of all of that BEFORE having an out of wedlock baby? Wow!!! I don't understand why you would tell your son of 10 that it is disgusting that two people that are in love had a baby before they got married. As if... Even if the general concencious think that they are both crazy who cares. Are you perfect... nope Gosh give the girl a break she came on here for advice... I am sure as a good mom that you want to protect your son and teach him good values that is fine, however he should know what life is like it is not black and white.
Touche Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 Wow!!! I don't understand why you would tell your son of 10 that it is disgusting that two people that are in love had a baby before they got married. As if... Even if the general concencious think that they are both crazy who cares. Are you perfect... nope Gosh give the girl a break she came on here for advice... I am sure as a good mom that you want to protect your son and teach him good values that is fine, however he should know what life is like it is not black and white. And he will know that one day. But for now it's MY job to teach him what I think is right from wrong and I stand by my every word. Look at the post above. Here's a mother who believes it was the WRONG thing to do. Obviously others see nothing wrong with it. That's their right. When you post on a public forum you're going to get ALL views. Not just one. So I will respectfully agree to disagree with you. Respect my views and I will respect yours. I mean obviously my advice was not off since the very situation I brought up in the post you quoted is what just happened to Mama. I was trying to alert the OP that that's what may happen. And lo and behold, along comes a REAL LIFE example of what I was talking about. I hope my view gave the OP something to think about. And I hope Mama's does too. I wasn't trying to be mean. I was only asking her to consider another aspect of this issue.
pricillia Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 I know that you were not trying to be mean... but what works for one person may not work for someone else. And a different opinion is always usefull.
Touche Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 I know that you were not trying to be mean... but what works for one person may not work for someone else. And a different opinion is always usefull. Yes, I agree. And none of us can know what will work for one person. All we can do is put our thoughts out there and let the OP pick and choose what's right for them from the advice given.
pricillia Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 she may not listen or take the advice at first but it will eventually sink in. If I were her I would give the child my last name and when and if the father married me then and only then would the child have the fathers last name. Hopefully either way the child will be loved by both parents and he will grow up to be healthy... body mind and soul
Guest Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I'm having mixed emotions about giving my baby my boyfriend's last name. My boyfriend never thought twice about it and automatically assumed that the baby would have his last name. However, I know a ton of women who have given their baby their last names. I don't know why this bothers me - I just hate the idea of my little baby having a different last name than me. My boyfriend and I aren't engaged (we've only been dating 1.5 years) - so who knows when I'll finally have the same name as my baby. Thoughts? Hey..I've been through the same thing we actually had our daughter Aug 31st. Don't get upset about your b/f already assuming, he is the father and to him to think like that means he is probably going to be around in her/his life no matter what! That should be your first question to yourself..."Is going to be around if things dont workout?" And if answer is yes then its no brainer to me aleast. But I would understand if he wouldnt be or he is a bum...But the other thing , how do you think he feels that you actually thought about it , its a two way road! And if you dont workout and he is the legal father the baby cant get a diffrent name unless he says its ok anyways...But if things are good to with you and he is a good B/f and you know he will be a great DAD then give to him...Cause we regret it horribly and we are trying to make it as normal as possible for her...But hopefully we will get married too!
genegri Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 And if you dont workout and he is the legal father the baby cant get a diffrent name unless he says its ok anyways... I don't what you are saying. But in this case, the baby's name is decided by its mother no matter the father says/wants. And rightfully so.
Lostgurl Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 I'm having mixed emotions about giving my baby my boyfriend's last name. My boyfriend never thought twice about it and automatically assumed that the baby would have his last name. However, I know a ton of women who have given their baby their last names. I don't know why this bothers me - I just hate the idea of my little baby having a different last name than me. My boyfriend and I aren't engaged (we've only been dating 1.5 years) - so who knows when I'll finally have the same name as my baby. Thoughts? I would definetly give the baby your last name. If you two aren't planning to spend the rest of your lives together why would you even consider giving the baby any other name that yours? Where i'm from this is the norm. When you do get married then you can always change the babies name when you do yours. I made the mistake of giving my first my ex's name, they both have his last name and i hate it... We weren't married, but were going to be 7 weeks after she was born. But if you are unsure of you and your bf's future, i would DEFINETLY give the baby your own last name.
goodfriendeva Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 if my child's father wasnt around when i was pregnant then i would give the baby my last name.. and that being the only reason.. if you feel its important to you to have your last name there as well then put both.. because he has the same rights as you do.. (wether or not you use whoevers last name) (if i was dating)me personally i wouldnt put both names.. because i believe in the tradition of it.. not only that but i find it kind of disrespectful. and i would feel for the kid having to explain why he has 2 last names when not many other kids have 2. (my neice has 2 last names and doesnt reconize my brothers name because of the hypen she just cuts it short and then uses her mothers) sorry about ur dilema.. happy i never had to go through with that..(married)
WTF Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 I would definetly give the baby your last name. If you two aren't planning to spend the rest of your lives together why would you even consider giving the baby any other name that yours? Where i'm from this is the norm. When you do get married then you can always change the babies name when you do yours. I made the mistake of giving my first my ex's name, they both have his last name and i hate it... We weren't married, but were going to be 7 weeks after she was born. But if you are unsure of you and your bf's future, i would DEFINETLY give the baby your own last name. YOU CAN'T CHANGE A PERSON'S NAME. Their not pets. Once thier named, THATS IT. Legally you can do it , but moraly it wrong to change a persons name without thier consent. I don't care who you marry. You Remember the brady bunch? What were the girls last name before. I would have vomited if I had to give up my fathers name to change it to Brady......... JUST MY MOM GOT RE MARRIED.
climbergirl Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 YOU CAN'T CHANGE A PERSON'S NAME. Their not pets. Once thier named, THATS IT. Legally you can do it , but moraly it wrong to change a persons name without thier consent. I don't care who you marry. You Remember the brady bunch? What were the girls last name before. I would have vomited if I had to give up my fathers name to change it to Brady......... JUST MY MOM GOT RE MARRIED. I agree that at a certain age a child is accustomed to their last name and is confusing to them when/if their name is changed. However, courts do look at this (age of child) as a pro or con to grant a name change. A child under 1 year is pretty oblivious to what their last name is. As far as a remarriage name change, I agree with you also that if my child had her fathers last name I would never consider changing it to my new married name. But she has my last name and I would definately change her last name along with mine. If only for convenience for everyone. Keep in mind that the courts decision to grant a change weighs heavily in what is in the best interest of the child. Or do what Touche suggests.........get married before the baby is born to sidestep such headaches.
goodfriendeva Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 YOU CAN'T CHANGE A PERSON'S NAME. Their not pets. Once thier named, THATS IT. Legally you can do it , but moraly it wrong to change a persons name without thier consent. I don't care who you marry. You Remember the brady bunch? What were the girls last name before. I would have vomited if I had to give up my fathers name to change it to Brady......... JUST MY MOM GOT RE MARRIED.[/quote] exactly!
Sassy Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 I am not here to judge here you do what you feel is right . If two people love one another and want to have a baby married or not it isn't for us to judge. Only God can do that . Good luck hope it all works out for you. Congrats on the baby !
Guest Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Hey, I like the idea of using both of your names. That's what my mother did for me even though she and my dad were both married. She gave me her first name for my middle name my and my grandmother also gave me her name, and gave me my fathers last name. So my name is Michelle Marie Lynn ***** You are going to hear so many suggestions but you need to do what feels best with you. Obviously you are going to be stuck with this kid forever, and I don't mean that in a bad way. Think to yourself how are things with you and the father are you two headed in a direction that you two will last? Doesn't matter if you get married but if he's going to be in the kids life and he really wants his last name used and you really want yours then sur it. There are so many people that do this today, my fiance even has it done. His parents were just like you and your bf. They never got married they just live together and they said its better that way because some how the whole being married thing adds stress. But like I said you have to do what is best for you, what will make you happy. Remember if it doesn't work out you can always legally change the kids name. Good luck and congrats with the bundle of joy.
indigoskye Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 My partner and I have 4 children together. We are very much in love and are finally in a position to get married. Our daughters all have my last name. Coming from a family of mainly girls my surname is unlikely to be carried on, and I'm glad that my daughters can choose to pass this on or change their names. When we marry my husband to be will also take on my surname. We will then all be the same. Why does it have to be the woman to always change names? Also I didn't ever feel disgusted by the fact that 2 in love people who don't necessarily believe in all that society has taught us, chose to bring children into a loving and secure environment without a peice of paper to say it was alright.
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