Unmarried Parents - What Last Name to Give Baby?

[Guest]

I'm having mixed emotions about giving my baby my boyfriend's last name. My boyfriend never thought twice about it and automatically assumed that the baby would have his last name. However, I know a ton of women who have given their baby their last names. I don't know why this bothers me - I just hate the idea of my little baby having a different last name than me. My boyfriend and I aren't engaged (we've only been dating 1.5 years) - so who knows when I'll finally have the same name as my baby.

 

Thoughts?

[britchick]

I wasn't married to my children's father, we used both surnames. That's pretty common nowadays. They no longer have any contact with their father and have both chosen to use my name only.

[littlekitty]

I think it would be nice to include your boyfriend, since he is obviously still around and is being a father.

 

So I would suggest the same as britchick. If you aren't happy with his surname, how about a compromise and use both? Yours-His.

 

I think that's nice, and a fair solution.

[burning 4 revenge]

My middle name is my mother's surname.

 

Happily they got married, so it didn't matter in the end

[apindal]

I think it may be emasculating for a guy if his child does not bear his last name, so you might want to be a little sensitive about that. Perhaps if it is a boy give it his name, and if it is a girl give it yours. Guys usually don't seem to be especially enthusiastic about having girls in the first place (why is that guys?! Why do you always want sons?) so he may not object.

[Touche]

We gave our son my maiden name as his middle name.

 

But on another note: I was getting my son breakfast this morning and a story came on TV about that nut Tom Cruise and his equally nutty girlfriend. They were discussing their baby and when the two will get married.

 

My son (10) said "They have a baby and they're not married?" I was pissed that I even had to deal with that. It's disgusting (sorry, OP but that's my opinion.) We've always taught him that you GET MARRIED and THEN you have a baby. He never knew that it can happen in reverse. It really sucked that I had to tell him otherwise. And yes, I told him it's disgusting and left it at that.

 

Give the child HIS last name and marry the guy! What will YOU tell your child one day when he/she asks. And if you hate the idea of your baby having a different last name, why didn't you think of all of that BEFORE having an out of wedlock baby?

[amaysngrace]

Okay, I'm suppose to be on sabatical from posting but decided to reply.

 

First off...no judgment from me. This is what I teach my children, the ones from my marriage and the one who is my 'love child'.

 

From a legal standpoint, the child should have your last name. Boy or girl, it doesn't matter. Forget respect to the father and all that, respect isn't a factor here due to the decision to not wed.

 

Choose the name for your baby. It was your choice to give him/her life. It is your place to choose his/her name.

[norajane]

Give the baby your name if it's important to you...I can see how it would be since you're not married. IF you end up marrying the father in the future, then you and your child can change names then, if you want to.

[blind_otter]

Okay, I'm suppose to be on sabatical from posting but decided to reply.

 

First off...no judgment from me. This is what I teach my children, the ones from my marriage and the one who is my 'love child'.

 

From a legal standpoint, the child should have your last name. Boy or girl, it doesn't matter. Forget respect to the father and all that, respect isn't a factor here due to the decision to not wed.

 

Choose the name for your baby. It was your choice to give him/her life. It is your place to choose his/her name.

 

Amay is correct. Legally, the child should have your last name, if you are unwed. If he's upset about that, that's sour grapes in my opinion.

[Roo]

Amay is correct. Legally, the child should have your last name, if you are unwed. If he's upset about that, that's sour grapes in my opinion.

 

I'm with them you did all the work he pumped and sweated for a few minutes, if he wants the child to have his last name he ought to give it to the baby'smother too!

[a4a]

Amay is correct. Legally, the child should have your last name, if you are unwed. If he's upset about that, that's sour grapes in my opinion.

 

I agree 110%.

[climbergirl]

I initially gave my daughter her father's last name (we were engaged).........however, when she was 6 months old he and I broke up and he wasn't seeing her regularly, nor paying any support. I then petitioned to change her last name to mine--I then went through a court hearing (he protested), a long wait and something like $400 in court cost. Keep in mind that in addition to going to court etc., there is a lot of paper work involved when you change a name (birth certificate, SS).

 

Also, my daughter is of Asian descent-when our last names didn't match I got a lot of inquiries if I was her mother or a babysitter. Hell of a lot easier now that she has my last name.

[Guest]

We gave our son my maiden name as his middle name.

 

But on another note: I was getting my son breakfast this morning and a story came on TV about that nut Tom Cruise and his equally nutty girlfriend. They were discussing their baby and when the two will get married.

 

My son (10) said "They have a baby and they're not married?" I was pissed that I even had to deal with that. It's disgusting (sorry, OP but that's my opinion.) We've always taught him that you GET MARRIED and THEN you have a baby. He never knew that it can happen in reverse. It really sucked that I had to tell him otherwise. And yes, I told him it's disgusting and left it at that.

 

Give the child HIS last name and marry the guy! What will YOU tell your child one day when he/she asks. And if you hate the idea of your baby having a different last name, why didn't you think of all of that BEFORE having an out of wedlock baby?

 

 

Doesn't your son know anyone whose parents aren't married? It may not be your choice but there are plenty of people who choose not to get married for many reasons. The OP was asking for advice on surnames for her baby and you turn it into a personal attack. How about teaching your son some tolerance for other peoples beliefs, not doing so is pretty disgusting in my opinion.

[Touche]

Doesn't your son know anyone whose parents aren't married? It may not be your choice but there are plenty of people who choose not to get married for many reasons. The OP was asking for advice on surnames for her baby and you turn it into a personal attack. How about teaching your son some tolerance for other peoples beliefs, not doing so is pretty disgusting in my opinion.

 

Yes, my son knows plenty of people who aren't married...but none of them chose to have children out of wedlock.

 

Of course we will teach him tolerance for ALL people, just as we always have, but I just am not prepared to explain about out of wedlock babies to him at this young age. Got it now?

 

And I have a VERY good idea about who you are. You can't fool me. Nice try though.

 

I did not turn this into a personal attack at all. I merely suggested, for other readers contemplating going the single mother route, that they just might want to think about this BEFORE the baby comes.

 

I stand by my post.

 

Thanks for your concern about my son's upbringing though.

[Guest]

Give the child HIS last name and marry the guy! What will YOU tell your child one day when he/she asks. And if you hate the idea of your baby having a different last name, why didn't you think of all of that BEFORE having an out of wedlock baby?

 

 

That's a suggestion? I don't think so.

[Touche]

Well I do. Maybe it's too late for the OP but not for others.

[Buttaflyy]

Doesn't your son know anyone whose parents aren't married? It may not be your choice but there are plenty of people who choose not to get married for many reasons. The OP was asking for advice on surnames for her baby and you turn it into a personal attack. How about teaching your son some tolerance for other peoples beliefs, not doing so is pretty disgusting in my opinion.

 

This is so spot on!

 

That was pretty rude to come onto her thread with your insults and attacks! Teach your kid what you want, but keep it to yourself. Why come here with your views on someones thread who's asking for help?

 

To the OP, this is a decision for you and your bf to make. I'd give my child the fathers name. There are other threads about this here on LS!

[Touche]

This is so spot on!

 

That was pretty rude to come onto her thread with your insults and attacks! Teach your kid what you want, but keep it to yourself. Why come here with your views on someones thread who's asking for help?

 

To the OP, this is a decision for you and your bf to make. I'd give my child the fathers name. There are other threads about this here on LS!

 

Sorry we don't agree. Let's agree to disagree, shall we? I insulted no one. I did not attack. I merely suggested. I stand by my post.

[Buttaflyy]

Sorry we don't agree. Let's agree to disagree, shall we? I insulted no one. I did not attack. I merely suggested. I stand by my post.

 

Disagree is one thing, but it was insulting and off the topic of her question. We know that this is already her situation, so when you negatively comment about it, it's insulting.

 

Like she said though, to each it's own... what you may find disgusting is ideal for another. That was pretty harsh is all I'm saying.

[Touche]

Funny that you're saying it was off topic but you won't let this "off topic" discussion go. Well I won't allow it to continue.

 

I don't agree that it was off topic. Again, I don't agree that it was harsh or insulting. You're entitled to your opinion and I respect that.

 

I've said all I have to say on this. No one has to agree with me. It really doesn't matter. Maybe I helped someone else though.

[Buttaflyy]

Funny that you're saying it was off topic but you won't let this "off topic" discussion go. Well I won't allow it to continue.

 

I don't agree that it was off topic. Again, I don't agree that it was harsh or insulting. You're entitled to your opinion and I respect that.

 

I've said all I have to say on this. No one has to agree with me. It really doesn't matter. Maybe I helped someone else though.

 

Touche!....

[Guest]

We gave our son my maiden name as his middle name.

 

But on another note: I was getting my son breakfast this morning and a story came on TV about that nut Tom Cruise and his equally nutty girlfriend. They were discussing their baby and when the two will get married.

 

My son (10) said "They have a baby and they're not married?" I was pissed that I even had to deal with that. It's disgusting (sorry, OP but that's my opinion.) We've always taught him that you GET MARRIED and THEN you have a baby. He never knew that it can happen in reverse. It really sucked that I had to tell him otherwise. And yes, I told him it's disgusting and left it at that.

 

Give the child HIS last name and marry the guy! What will YOU tell your child one day when he/she asks. And if you hate the idea of your baby having a different last name, why didn't you think of all of that BEFORE having an out of wedlock baby?

 

 

 

Judgemental much?

 

 

What is disgusting here? Is the child disgusting? Is the act of sex disgusting?

 

Sex and children are natural. Marriage is a societal convention. Call it 'irresponsible', perhaps, to bring an unexpected child into the world. But 'disgusting'? I think you have issues.

[Mirage222]

We gave our son my maiden name as his middle name.

 

But on another note: I was getting my son breakfast this morning and a story came on TV about that nut Tom Cruise and his equally nutty girlfriend. They were discussing their baby and when the two will get married.

 

My son (10) said "They have a baby and they're not married?" I was pissed that I even had to deal with that. It's disgusting (sorry, OP but that's my opinion.) We've always taught him that you GET MARRIED and THEN you have a baby. He never knew that it can happen in reverse. It really sucked that I had to tell him otherwise. And yes, I told him it's disgusting and left it at that.

 

Give the child HIS last name and marry the guy! What will YOU tell your child one day when he/she asks. And if you hate the idea of your baby having a different last name, why didn't you think of all of that BEFORE having an out of wedlock baby?

 

Why is it so DISGUSTING touche?? I have no kids, nor want any kids but I would like to know the reasoning of disgusting you feel for people who have children out of wed lock??

 

What's going to happen if by chance one day your boy comes home and says mom, I got so and so pregnant .. out of wed lock ? Will you tell your son that he is disgusting? force an abortion? Make your son marry even if the relationship may scream "destin to fail"?

[LittleLady]

Yes, my son knows plenty of people who aren't married...but none of them chose to have children out of wedlock.

 

Of course we will teach him tolerance for ALL people, just as we always have, but I just am not prepared to explain about out of wedlock babies to him at this young age. Got it now?

 

And I have a VERY good idea about who you are. You can't fool me. Nice try though.

 

I did not turn this into a personal attack at all. I merely suggested, for other readers contemplating going the single mother route, that they just might want to think about this BEFORE the baby comes.

 

I stand by my post.

 

Thanks for your concern about my son's upbringing though.

 

 

HAHA! You aren't teaching him any tolerance lady and are failing as a parent! Calling people "disgusting" just because they have different beliefs than you and CHOOSE to lead different lifestyles is nowhere near the epitome of tolerance. It is the epitome of ignorance though.

I hate to think how your child will react to different people in the future and treat them. Well since the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree and with your attitude, it's a shame but likely he will turn out as "disgusting" of a person as you. Either that or one day feel even alienated or rejected by you and your ridiculous prejudices.

[Guest]

I am currently 4 months pregnant and have no doubt in my mind whatsoever that our baby is going to have his or hers fathers last name. we are not married but we have a very strong relationship and i have no reason to doubt the future and what it holds. Plus also it would hurt him deeply to not consider including him. lets face it and look from their point of view. they are going to be a parent to and they already miss out on a lot during the pregnancy. i guess it comes down to what ur actual plans are on the future with this dad to be.