AnotherGuest Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 I've been talking to a man on the internet and the phone that I know is married. He tells me that he is extremely unhappy with his marriage blah blah blah. We met in person for the first time today and we really hit it off. My question is, how much responsibility do I hold as the potential OW? What makes me happy potentially ruins the life of someone else...then again if it's not me then with him it will probably be someone else. I guess it's just a question of morals and I'm not sure how much I have right now. Just interested in hearing your opinion...
SoCalCatman72 Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 Ok, well the "extremely unhappy with his marriage" line is standard, along with "I'm going to leave her" "she just doesn't understand me like you do" etc. etc. How much responsibility do you hold as the OW? In what way? Towards hurting his wife or contributing to the breakup of his marriage? Personally I would say a relatively small fraction, he's already hurting his wife and marriage just by looking for someone else, if it's not going to be with you, it will be with the next morally bankrupt woman that comes along. How much responsibility do you hold as being a tool (yes a TOOL) for this man's machinations? 100%
jonesgirly Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 What makes me happy potentially ruins the life of someone else... You seem like a person who would understand these consequences. then again if it's not me then with him it will probably be someone else So, there's really nothing special about 'you' to 'him' is there? We all know the answer to your question. The second you know that he is a married man, and continue 'on' with him, you're the OW. I would hope that most people would aspire to be something much more than that. Tell him to give you a call when the divorce is final, property has been divided, visitation schedules finalized for the kids, and the child support amount has been agreed upon. Just don't hold your breath.
Buttaflyy Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 Ok, well the "extremely unhappy with his marriage" line is standard, along with "I'm going to leave her" "she just doesn't understand me like you do" etc. etc. How much responsibility do you hold as the OW? In what way? Towards hurting his wife or contributing to the breakup of his marriage? Personally I would say a relatively small fraction, he's already hurting his wife and marriage just by looking for someone else, if it's not going to be with you, it will be with the next morally bankrupt woman that comes along. How much responsibility do you hold as being a tool (yes a TOOL) for this man's machinations? 100% Wow great post! Well said! I thought it should be repeated!
Ladyjane14 Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 He tells me that he is extremely unhappy with his marriage blah blah blah. I don't understand what difference it makes if the guy is "unhappy" in his marriage. How does that apply to the actions of the potential OW or OM? Either a person believes in marriage or not. Either a person believes in respecting the fundamental value-systems of other people or not. Either a person believes that adultery is wrong.... or not. What do YOU believe, AnotherGuest? And are you consistantly supporting it with your actions?
Buttaflyy Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 Be smart, bail now before you get caught up. You just met him so it should be fairly easy to do what's right. If you do what you know is right, you would not be a bad person after all. (Sorry if that sounds too harsh)
my_dream_love Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 I've been talking to a man on the internet and the phone that I know is married. He tells me that he is extremely unhappy with his marriage blah blah blah. Are you sure he wasn't just saying that to get into your pants? If he isn't happy then why not leave his wife first then look later instead of doing it both at the same time? Is he man enough for you? We met in person for the first time today and we really hit it off. My question is, how much responsibility do I hold as the potential OW? Your potential is greater than anything in the world that is to destroy another woman's heart. Think it this way, what if that woman is you and he is your husband and screwing around on you with another woman. What makes me happy potentially ruins the life of someone else...then again if it's not me then with him it will probably be someone else. I guess it's just a question of morals and I'm not sure how much I have right now. Just interested in hearing your opinion... There are plenty of single fish out there that aren't involved, or are you enjoying the fake attention he gives you?
Rooster_DAR Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 I totally agree with these answers, I don't want to condemn you, but this is a bad idea. You may play a big part in destroying another womans heart if you pursue this. Respect marriage and yourself, backoff!
BenThereDunThat Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 And think about your own words....if it wasn't you, it would be someone else..... Again, think about it.
BenThereDunThat Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 And think about your own words....if it wasn't you, it would be someone else..... Again, think about it. Let it be someone else. Let it be someone else who goes through the pain, the roller coaster, the one who hurts the W. Let someone else go through it and be glad it wasn't you!!!
whichwayisup Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 I've been talking to a man on the internet and the phone that I know is married. He tells me that he is extremely unhappy with his marriage blah blah blah. We met in person for the first time today and we really hit it off. My question is, how much responsibility do I hold as the potential OW? What makes me happy potentially ruins the life of someone else...then again if it's not me then with him it will probably be someone else. I guess it's just a question of morals and I'm not sure how much I have right now. Just interested in hearing your opinion... If you really want to help him, encourage him to fix his marriage. Don't become the OW. Yes, he would be the one cheating on his wife, but you would be the willing partner in crime to help him cheat on her, and hurt her. It's not cool to lust after another woman's husband. He was wrong to meet you in person too, that just opened the door abit more. Listen to others, and stick to dating single guys. Go read some other posts in the OW/OM section, see what the OW go through when they allow themselves to fall for the MM. Are you sure you want to experience that type of pain??
Guest Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 This is an easy one...how would you feel if he broke it off, you married him, and it turned out there was an OW years later when you are married to him? What would you want the OW to do. He obviously feels unable to confront the marriage issues, so he is turning to someone else, an OW, which is easier than turning to a therapist. Convince him to go to therapy and contact you after the divorce, if there is one. You have already established "an emotional connection". Don't fool yourself by thinking you can be friends and you can help him through this. Leaning on you will only make him feel more secure and less likely to see that therapist. He and his wife need your help, but not as the OW. If the core of the marriage is good and this is just a bad period, fixing it will make it a blip after many years, but a relationship recovering from infidelity and troubles has very little chances for success.
Roo Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 I don't understand what difference it makes if the guy is "unhappy" in his marriage. How does that apply to the actions of the potential OW or OM? Either a person believes in marriage or not. Either a person believes in respecting the fundamental value-systems of other people or not. Either a person believes that adultery is wrong.... or not. What do YOU believe, AnotherGuest? And are you consistantly supporting it with your actions? Another post fully worth having repeated!! whatever way you slice it.. he's still married.
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