HurtingDeeply Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 To end this, or not to end this..That is the question. I'm 18 & My boyfriend is 21..I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years now. He currently lives 13 hours away & we fly to see eachother once about every 3-7 months. It's been a long-distance relationship this whole time & I am so in love with him, it hurts my heart to think that this could be ending because for the past 3 years he's been my life & he promised me it would always be that way.. Now, just by reading that, one would think that I would want to break up with him because we're far away & don't get to see eachother very often..but that's not the case. And it's not that I want to break up wiht him..it's that I think I may need to for my own well-being & for my heart. The reasons I need to end this are as follows: 1)He cheated on me after we got back together after breaking up for a 5 or 6 month period..we got back together and after 2 or 3 months realized we were deeply in love and shouldn't have broken up in the first place & he went out & bought a promise ring( pre-engagment a.k.a. we wanted to get married in the future after college graduation)..then I find out a year and 3 months later that 2 months before I get the promise ring, he was sleeping with another girl that I thought was his friend..he even took her to a concert but i trusted him & thought they were just good buddies. So, basically, after that I was deeply deeply deeply hurt. And it still affects me to this day..I just run through my mind of what all they did..and he lost his virginity to her!! It's all EXTREMELY messed up. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to hurt me & he cried and said he was so extremely sorry. 2)I find out later on that I have an STD called HPV from the girl he slept with because she had been raped when she was in high school. He didn't know she had it & it's can be transmitted even with a condom. So once we find out that, he takes me to the gyno. worried as ever & then starts crying again about all of the mistakes in this relationship & how I'm the only person in this world he keeps hurting and feels AWFUL. 3.) He's the biggest control-freak. And if things don't go his way; he gets upset or angry or says he feels like I don't "respect" his opinion. 4.) This one is a big uh oh...but yea we met on the internet & then lied to our parents about it when we were younger so he could fly up here & see me. We made up 2 whole different stories about how we met to tell to eachother's parents & have stuck to those big stories for the past 3 years..So to explain that to our parents before they meet would break our family's hearts,embarass everybody, not to mention piss them off like never BEFORE! If I could go back in time I never would have lied like that..but at the time I was like barely 15 years old & what kid doesn't do stupid crap like that at that age!? I just wasn't thinking at the time OBVIOUSLY..I just wanted him down here to see me more than anything at the time.. 5.) The other month we got into a big fight & he threatened to break up with me..and this fight was over a petty thing. He has always promised me he would never ever break up with me and can't wait to move in with me when I graduate & move up there..so I was just SHOCKED..and TORN. Then after that he said he didn't mean it & still wants to be with me..well what i was thinking is that, I can put up with all of the other crap because I love him so much..but if he's going to "take a break" from me over something stupid--could he do this in our marriage?? After all we've been through and all of a sudden he needs a "break" because he can't "put up with my crap anymore & just wants to be single again. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one putting in the 'work' in this relationship" Like seriously, I was just like WHAT????? You make NO sense! ok..so we talked out our problems that we have with eachother a few nights ago, & I told him to stop being so controlling I just won't put up with it because I don't need to feel chained to a wall or like a child being given commands from my parents. He said that's 'just his personality' and that's 'how he is'..but he said 'okay' and i've been noticing lately that he's trying not to be so bad..he lets me do more of what i want to do and not what he wants me to do...so it's not perfect yet, but he's working on it. So right now our relationship looks great on the surface because we 'talked everything out & he's trying to fix things'..but u may notice I said ON THE SURFACE..that's because inside it's just eating at me wondering if he's going to say "let's take a break" every time we get into an argument. It's driving me into insanity & I don't know if I'll ever be happy or confident or trust him again in our relationship because I'll always be wondering if he's going to say that again..even if we're married. So yea the wedding is going to be put on a major HOLD..probably for the next few years too...I'm not going to marry someone I'm not 100% sure about. I mean i love him but you know..with all that I've told you all, that's just would be wrong to marry him with all of that going on inside my head. Here are the pro's and the con's to our relationship: Pros to staying with him: Our love is beautiful when we're together & happy. I feel like we have the strongest love in the entire world. The question: IS THAT ENOUGH? Pros to being single: *I'm young *I might find someone else in the future *I wouldn't have to wonder anything about the problems in my relationship with my bf. Cons to being with him: I'd wonder if we'll last because of everything listed & also the stress on our families from the lie we told. Cons to being single: It's a big change from what I had planned & I'm about to start college & I'd have to do it on my own & live on my own & i'd be severely depressed every time I think about him & what could have been. I would think about him every time I saw something we've done together and where we've been (aka the airport, our vacation spots, etc).. I know that was very very long, thanks alot if you read it..and now that u read that much u may as well reply with answers right? I'd really appreciate it if so.. So what should I do? please respond asap.
Author HurtingDeeply Posted August 29, 2006 Author Posted August 29, 2006 SORRY i FORGOT TO SAY... the reasons I want to stay with him also besides loving him more than anything in the world are because we already have our future planned out, things could go smoothly if he gets over this control thing, our future could be beautiful but that's just the trouble: I can't predict the future so it would be taking a huge chance! But that chance could be beautiful & I don't know if I wanna give that up. He already wants me to spend christmas with him and after that I graduate so it'll all go fast..so should I take a chance on us having a great future or end it because there's a chance that it may go bad?
a4a Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 IMHO in a nutshell it won't work. You are young have life ahead of you so does he and little hotties may continue to crawl into his bed but hope for your sake the next round of STDs he gives you is not a bigger and badder one like herpes or HIV.
Agent M Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Doesn't sound good. The controlling behaviors that he exhibits will take lots of hard work and dedication and probably years to resolve. On top of that he's dishonest and you'll always be wondering and never at peace. Also, it's very likely that this is a honeymoon period and he'll simply revert back to his old behaviors soon. Do you like drama and chaos? If so, this is your man. But it doesn't sound like you do. I feel for you, being that you're so in love with him otherwise. By the way, i would be hurt beyond belief if my boyfriend who I was engaged to cheated on me and lost his virginity to some girl...ugghh!
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