almostthere Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 I just cannot understand my bf. His exw calls him everyday of the week to complain mostly about stupid stuff or ask the same questions. she once wanted him back and I dont think that has changed so in my opinion she is just doing it to hear his voice. she calls him on his work cell instead of his personal cell all the time. he has both on him at all times. i asked that she only call on his personal cell (yes, i am insecure about how often the talk. she said that he cheated on me with her in jan, he has always taken her calls when he knew 100% all she was calling about was getting back together with him. She did this three times a day for 6 months and he always picked, always, picked up the phone anyway). she has been a huge problem in our relationship. he has blown me off several times to go argue with her...so on and so forth). he said he told her but she still calls his work cell first. she did it last night. he wont tell her to stop calling him unless its about the kids. he hid me in our relationship for 5 months. supposedly she knew he was with me. and i think she really did know. i dont know. he wont tell her to be nice to me. he wont tell his family to stop inviting her to family gatherings. he wont tell her to stop going. we had to argue about him telling her he was going to send checks instead of driving out a money order every thursday night. i want checks so we can prove he is paying since they arent going through the state. whats wrong with that? i just dont know why he can find it so easy to upset me and so hard to tell her anything. oh and he says her bf's name in this weird tone. and when she called to tell him they were moving in together he called me and said he is glad her and he bf are doing so well. sarcastically. sometimes i want to run away and give up. other times i think he is such a wonderful person that i have a lot to lose. why is he doing this?
Author almostthere Posted August 29, 2006 Author Posted August 29, 2006 oh and....i was going to mail her a note saying that his work sent out memo asking that work phones are not to be used for any personal business. sign it both of us and be nice about it. Is this wrong? cant i ever state anything to her because he wont? why do i have to stay silent? it makes me feel unimportant. and he knows i feel this way. why doesnt he care?
norajane Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 oh and....i was going to mail her a note saying that his work sent out memo asking that work phones are not to be used for any personal business. sign it both of us and be nice about it. Is this wrong? cant i ever state anything to her because he wont? why do i have to stay silent? it makes me feel unimportant. and he knows i feel this way. why doesnt he care? No, you can't do that. SHE is not your problem. HE is your problem. SHE is his problem, though he doesn't seem to think she's a problem, which makes HIM an even bigger problem for your relationship. Have you considered breaking up with him? Maybe he treats his exes better than his relationships.
luvtoto Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Right now, he has more respect for his X, than you. I listening to Dr. Laura Schlessinger's talk radio show today and there was a similiar issue. I would throw him to the curb. Even if you were being insecure, your bf should take your feelings into consideration.
a4a Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 enough is enough.... start executing your exit plan.
jenniferlm Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Well I don't see why YOU would want to sign any letter to her about HIS work. YOU shouldn't involve yourself in their relationship as they share children together and you and he aren't married. It's his place to handle his ex wife. If you don't like it, you can talk to him about it, but if he does nothing, then your choices are to either learn to live with things as they are, or move on to someone else. Personally, I'd move on, and tell him why. There are plenty of great guys out there.
Author almostthere Posted August 29, 2006 Author Posted August 29, 2006 I have been considering breaking up with him. he is a really great person besides his ex issues. i just dont know why he has such a hard time telling her something and not a hard time disappointing me? he gets mad at me getting mad at him about her actions. as far as i am concerned he needs to lay down some ground rules like i did with my exh. he says he cannot control when or which number she calls. thats true, however, he can control answering the phone and he can control ignoring the work phone and waiting til she calls on the personal cell. eventually she will learn he only picks up on is personal cell for her. sometimes i just feel like i am wasting my time. i have gone through this for a year and a half already. and the only reason she stopped calling to fight about him being with me is because she met someone else. my bf never did anything else to stop it. i dont even know how to talk to him about this anymore. all it does is get him mad. I havent even yelled at him for it yet. i have always been pretty calm about it. even though sometimes i just want to hang him for it.
jenniferlm Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 I don't see any reason to get mad and yell. Just calmly tell him that you've been unhappy for some time, tell him why you've been unhappy, and that you'd like some time apart.
norajane Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Maybe you need to be more direct with him about how you feel, and how strongly you feel about this...something like, "If you don't address these issues I keep raising about your ex, I'm going to leave you. You have two months." If he doesn't do anything, then you should leave him. It's either that, or live with it. It's your call.
jenniferlm Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 I dunno. I don't think ultimatums are the best way to go in relationships. She said she's already told him time and time again that this bothers her, and he's done nothing, so there's really nothing left to do other than get used to it, or break up with him. You can't try to change people, it never seems to work...
norajane Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 I dunno. I don't think ultimatums are the best way to go in relationships. She said she's already told him time and time again that this bothers her, and he's done nothing, so there's really nothing left to do other than get used to it, or break up with him. You can't try to change people, it never seems to work... I generally agree, but it doesn't sound like she's ready to leave. Personally, I would have left him months ago.
jenniferlm Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 I generally agree, but it doesn't sound like she's ready to leave. Personally, I would have left him months ago. Ditto!!!! I mean he may be a great guy, but there are lots of guys out there who are great, and who may not have ex wife issues
luvtoto Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 I don't see any reason to get mad and yell. Just calmly tell him that you've been unhappy for some time, tell him why you've been unhappy, and that you'd like some time apart. When I confronted my X for talking to his X too much, we got into a huge arguement that ended with him yelling at me that he missed his family (meaning his X and kids). After we broke up, he told me later that she lost interest in him and hardly ever called him anymore. She is playing a game here...HOWEVER, it is your bf's responsibility to end it. But I think he's getting something out of it that he needs from her.
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