a4a Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 ok I will admit that I have done this quite a bit to men. The reason I did do this is so they come back and want more......if I gave it to them they would not. Usually they up the ante too. Like buy me gifts or take me to a better restaurant in hopes of getting more or something.
doppelganger Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Dude, how old are you? I can see what it says in your profile, but seriously, how old are you? Have you had relationships before this one? Where the hell did you come up with that idea for a test anyways? Did you read it somewhere or what? I've never come across that one before...
a4a Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Dude, how old are you? I can see what it says in your profile, but seriously, how old are you? Have you had relationships before this one? Where the hell did you come up with that idea for a test anyways? Did you read it somewhere or what? I've never come across that one before... This is what happens when you consume too much bleach.
Author james007 Posted August 30, 2006 Author Posted August 30, 2006 ok I will admit that I have done this quite a bit to men. The reason I did do this is so they come back and want more......if I gave it to them they would not. Usually they up the ante too. Like buy me gifts or take me to a better restaurant in hopes of getting more or something. That doesn't work in my situation simply because I like to take my girlfriend out to lunch or dinner and I like to buy her gifts. I don't do this to get a hand job in return. Sometimes I get a hand job without spending money on her and sometimes I spend money on her without getting a hand job in return. I guess it all balances out. I can always jack off to satisfy myself but that's not the point. It was her lack of desire to get sexual that bothered me. Yesterday afternoon she said she didn't feel like doing anything sexual. That hurt because it makes me feel like I'm unattractive and unwanted. Even though she changed her mind a few hours later I still felt unattractive. It wasn't enough. I don't push the issue when she is not in the mood. I just suffer the blow to my self esteem in silence. So I decided to turn the tables when she re-initiated sexual contact again.
Author james007 Posted August 30, 2006 Author Posted August 30, 2006 Dude, how old are you? I can see what it says in your profile, but seriously, how old are you? Have you had relationships before this one? Where the hell did you come up with that idea for a test anyways? Did you read it somewhere or what? I've never come across that one before... I read alot of relationship guides on LS, articles, commentaries and stuff. But it just so happens this test I came up with was my idea through critical thinking and brainstorming. I'm learning how to be a challenge in the relationship by not calling everyday let alone several times per day, not initiating sex all the time, not buying gifts every month or at the same intervals but only on special occasions, waiting 1-2 days to return any calls I missed from her, etc.
stoopid_guy Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 This is what happens when you consume too much bleach. He's hopeless, except for entertainment.
insomnie Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 I always wonder what kind of a nutjob Johnny's girlfriend must be for staying with him.
brickaney Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 I'm asking the women here who are really into their boyfriends. If your boyfriend pulled your hand away from his crotch would you try to talk him into letting you give him a hand job or would you give up easily and assume he doesn't want it?? Ok honestly I have been in this situation with my boyfriend. We've been dating for almost two years so I feel my opinion on this point is valid. One time my boyfriend took my hand away from his crotch and I assumed from that he didn't want me to touch him. Instead, just to make sure, I persisted and he became a little annoyed with me since I didn't get the hint. Before we really started to understand one another I would always back off because I didn't want him to get mad at me. Do you intimidate your girlfriend? Ask her if she feels intimidated by you and if that's the reason she pulled away. I don't think your idea that she isn't into you was correct. There could be plenty of other reasons why she didn't persist> the most obvious of which being that you pushed her away. Also, you explained how men and women are different. A key element to making relationships work is COMMUNICATION. Why is it you ask? Because men and women think differently, no acceptions, they just do because they are different. You need to talk to your girlfriend instead of testing her. It's usually the woman playing mind-games with the man so you need to understand that she is getting mixed up signals from you, is probly intimidated by you, and is going to become distant from you to protect her feelings from getting hurt. You need to treat her with more respect than playing tricks on her like this, it's uncalled for and will simply hurt her feelings. You need to work on your communication if you want your relationship to go anywhere.
HopefulOne Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 What is so jerky about not letting her touch my crotch? This was a test to see her interest level in me and she failed. She's not into me. She tried, you turned her away and you want her to persist... If she turned you away and then pleasured you, how would you feel? Would that be okay with you ?
norajane Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 What is so jerky about not letting her touch my crotch? This was a test to see her interest level in me and she failed. She's not into me. The jerky part is setting up tests instead of responding naturally and communicating honestly. I'm asking the women here who are really into their boyfriends. If your boyfriend pulled your hand away from his crotch would you try to talk him into letting you give him a hand job or would you give up easily and assume he doesn't want it?? Handjobs? My SO and I have sex, so the question doesn't apply. However, if I initiated sex and he wasn't interested...um...well, it's never happened, but I would certainly respect his wishes. I would ask if he wasn't feeling well, but otherwise wouldn't try to talk him into it. You're phrasing the options in negative terms, by the way: talk him into it or give up easily. When you put it that way, she would have "failed" your test no matter what she did. Whether she continued to try turning you on or whether she respected your wishes, is a much more positive way of looking at the situation. But you choose the negative. So, of course, she fails. I read alot of relationship guides on LS, articles, commentaries and stuff. But it just so happens this test I came up with was my idea through critical thinking and brainstorming. I'm learning how to be a challenge in the relationship by not calling everyday let alone several times per day, not initiating sex all the time, not buying gifts every month or at the same intervals but only on special occasions, waiting 1-2 days to return any calls I missed from her, etc. Maybe you ought to read some things about open communication, integrity, having fun, and enjoying your partner instead. You might be a lot happier and less anxious that way.
Author james007 Posted August 30, 2006 Author Posted August 30, 2006 Well she called last night as she promised and we did talk things out. I just said I wasn't feeling well as to the reason I didn't let her touch me. Now that was the truth. I was not feeling well emotionally. I was too upset to let her touch me. I just didn't go into specifics about how I was not feeling well. She doesn't know that I was upset. One thing I've learned is to play it cool and never let a woman see me upset. Anyway I asked her if I could take a raincheck on this handjob business. She says maybe she will give me one next time. I'm still going to let her initiate the sexual moves. Only this time I'll reciprocate and not pull away. I'm not going to call her again until Saturday at the earliest. If I feel strong enough not to call her then it will be later than Saturday. I will only call her when I'm weak and missing her terribly. I'll probably call her Saturday anyway to confirm dating plans for labor day which is next Monday. I'll keep the phone conversation short and get off the phone.
ladyfair869 Posted September 1, 2006 Posted September 1, 2006 haha wow im glad im not your girlfriend. first of all the woman shouldnt always have to initiate sex. and that was so jerky to push her away instead of ****ing telling her that you werent in the mood. thats why women get confused about men cuz they keep their feelings locked away too much at times. and you dont just call a woman when u miss her. you call her to show her that you care. you seem to be the type that likes to play mind games with women because you yourself seem to have issues with trust and security to think that just cuz she didnt pursue it further meant she wasnt interested. what guy stops a woman when she seems to be in the mood i mean come on. sex is sex, itd be different if u were testing her as far as things incorporated into the relationship by seein if u can trust her and stuff like that.just relax and dont leave it up to her to make the move or she will in turn think ur not into her and she will leave u and id think u dont want that. cuz she will tire of these games if shes a woman with a back bone
SoCalCatman72 Posted September 1, 2006 Posted September 1, 2006 Dude, you need to grow up. Love and dating is not a game or series of tests, and you've obviously got some control issues.
Author james007 Posted September 1, 2006 Author Posted September 1, 2006 That only applies if she believes I'm playing a game. Some guys are good actors at mind games you know. So don't think that you can know what's going on inside a man's mind & heart all the time. I wouldn't play games if I felt it were not absolutely necessary. I wouldn't play mind games if I believed that I couldn't be good at it. I don't see how it's controlling of me to slowly take her hand away from my crotch. Afterall it's my body and not hers. I have a right to decide who and when gets to touch me. I am not under any obligation to let her touch my crotch. If you think that I am obligated to let her touch me then you are the one with the control issues. As far as she knows I didn't want to be touched and that does not make me controlling. I was actually upset with her at the time so I legitimately did not want her touching me.
norajane Posted September 1, 2006 Posted September 1, 2006 I wouldn't play games if I felt it were not absolutely necessary. Why do you feel it's absolutely necessary? What do you think would happen if you didn't play games?
Author james007 Posted September 1, 2006 Author Posted September 1, 2006 Then I would revert back to my desperate and clingy habits with my girlfriend. I naturally crave alot of female attention. I'm co-dependent and unhappy without female attention. That's just the way I am. I've had to reprogram my mind to work against those clingy impulses. Chances are she would repel away from me if I didn't play hard to get.
norajane Posted September 1, 2006 Posted September 1, 2006 Weren't you getting the attention you wanted before you started playing games? Are you seeing her and talking to her more now than you were before?
Author james007 Posted September 1, 2006 Author Posted September 1, 2006 Yes I was getting the attention before but I wasn't sure how long it was going to last. I'm keeping watch of her interest level and doing everything I can to make sure it doesn't drop below 60%.
Guest Posted September 1, 2006 Posted September 1, 2006 I feel sorry for your girlfriend and you. Karma will get you back. I was mean to my ex boyfriends when I was young. And now I have learnt that i have wasted my youth not learning how to handle a real relationship properly. I have recently met my 'perfect man' but it is dooming because I haven't learnt how to be a 'nice girl' and treat a man properly. This is karma. Stop testing, learn to love.
rina_r Posted September 1, 2006 Posted September 1, 2006 Yes I was getting the attention before but I wasn't sure how long it was going to last. I'm keeping watch of her interest level and doing everything I can to make sure it doesn't drop below 60%. Do you also keep a research journal? Sounds like you are carrying out some experiments rather than having a normal relationship.
a4a Posted September 1, 2006 Posted September 1, 2006 I always wonder what kind of a nutjob Johnny's girlfriend must be for staying with him. My guess is that she requires a air pump to maintain rigidity and most likely has a constant expression on her face that looks a little like this >
Adunaphel Posted September 1, 2006 Posted September 1, 2006 What is so jerky about not letting her touch my crotch? This was a test to see her interest level in me and she failed. She's not into me. Hello? So if you are trying to put your hands in a girl's pants and she pulls your hand away, you keep insisting because you think she is only testing your interest? Would it take some screaming on her part to make you stop? Anyway, playing games is unhealthy to relationships. Unless both parties are game players who enjoy coming up with wicked tests to see if the other person loves them more than they enjoy loving each other for who they are.
Guest Posted September 1, 2006 Posted September 1, 2006 Men and women are different. When a woman says no to sex she means no. When a man says no then he might mean yes but he's just playing hard to get. I mean think about it. No I would not pressure her if she said no. I'm asking the women here who are really into their boyfriends. If your boyfriend pulled your hand away from his crotch would you try to talk him into letting you give him a hand job or would you give up easily and assume he doesn't want it?? I would assume I wasn't very good at hand jobs.
stoopid_guy Posted September 1, 2006 Posted September 1, 2006 I have a right to decide who and when gets to touch me. I am not under any obligation to let her touch my crotch. Yes, it's your body, but (IMHO) a part of being in a (healthy) romantic relationship is knowing you're welcome to touch the other's body and vice-versa. If the partner's not in the mood? Fine, but the touch is still welcome and comforting. My guess is that she requires a air pump to maintain rigidity and most likely has a constant expression on her face that looks a little like this > LMAO!!! :lmao:
blow-fish Posted September 1, 2006 Posted September 1, 2006 Then I would revert back to my desperate and clingy habits with my girlfriend. I naturally crave alot of female attention. I'm co-dependent and unhappy without female attention. That's just the way I am. I've had to reprogram my mind to work against those clingy impulses. Chances are she would repel away from me if I didn't play hard to get. It is okay to use some impulse control and play the love game a little bit I think, but what you are doing is giving her a completely false impression of who you are. Inevitably there would be problems further down the line. The best thing to do is to work a little deeper on the things that make you feel so insecure. You can still date her while you do this, but each time you start feeling insecure and devising tests, then you can realise that the insecurity is your problem and do something about it. Then you are training your mind to be self aware all the time, which is much better.
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