RecordProducer Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Hubby and I have argued about his family (his brother and SIL are asses), although he agrees with me that their behavior is not appropriate, but is trying to balance things. We've argued about him being on the computer a lot, but that one is resolved now. We've argued about some woman from Brazil he'd never met who kept emailing him after he got married and that one resolved, too. We've argued about the abortion decision - resolved. We've argued about going to NYC (still haven't gone). That's about it, but it's only been 7 months. Maybe I forgot some little reasons, but it doesn't matter, these were the main ones. I see a huge progress in our marriage and his adjustment to it. I am much better myself since I stopped drinking 4 weeks ago. I don't have any scars from the fights, i.e. I don't hold anything against him, the battle fields are completely cleared. All except one - his twin brother's rejection of me. That one I am yet to resolve on my own! The problem with his family (all except his mother, who is wonderful) is not something that will go away by itself. We don't argue often about this and it's more lively discussions than arguments since he is trying to calm me down usually. I think his brother wants me out of his life so I am forced to fight against him with all the strength, patience, wisdom, and nastiness I can find inside me. Another question: do you have a problem that causes constant or occasional sparkles for fights and is not likely to be resolved easily or at all? With my ex-husband I mostly fought about his daughter. That one was not likely to ever be resolved. With my first BF I fought about everything; his stupidity, stubbornness, laziness, low-class behavior, and lack of education pissed me off constantly. He was a high-school dropout, 6 years older than me. But hey, I was a high schoolgirl myself at the time.
JadeStar Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Alot of times our arguements are rather silly and minor and we both have a good sense of humour and end up picking at each other on some things. However, some of the more serious things we argue about or have argued about were, finances, the kids, and HIS mother. His mother is not an issue anymore since I put her in her place a few years ago. The kids we have gotten better about being or trying to be on the same page about. And the finances, well they are still more of a problem than any thing else right now I guess. Jade
Author RecordProducer Posted August 29, 2006 Author Posted August 29, 2006 Thanks for your reply, Jade. How do you argue about money? I argued with the first BF (we were together for a long time and living together also) about money, because he didn't mind spending my money and I wasted all my savings on him. He not only took advantage of my generosity (I felt sorry for the lazy loser who couldn't organize his peanuts), but also had pretensions on my ex-step-father's company - to replace his CEO position some day. Now he is married to a hair dresser, has a son, and is still unemployed. So how is your MIL treating you now? Is she nice to you or did she just stop interfering?
JadeStar Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Shes alot better than she used to be. She tried her best to cause trouble and drive a wedge between me and my husband. I finally had enough and told her that she was not going to make my life a living hell becasue of the choices she made. She was a very unhappy woman. For some reason after I stood up to her, she backed off. The money situation is because this day and time its hard to make it on one income, unless you're a doc/lawyer or own your on business etc. He is the one that enjoys me being home for the kids, but yet bitches about just the one income, his. I'm not high manteince and never go out and buy myself whatever or blow money just to be blowing it. However I'm in the process of getting me ajob maybe part time to help with some things. But what amazes me about him is, he wants me home for the kids but then bitches cuz I don't contribute financlly. So once I do, I bet he will find something else to whine about.
a4a Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Shes alot better than she used to be. She tried her best to cause trouble and drive a wedge between me and my husband. I finally had enough and told her that she was not going to make my life a living hell becasue of the choices she made. She was a very unhappy woman. For some reason after I stood up to her, she backed off. The money situation is because this day and time its hard to make it on one income, unless you're a doc/lawyer or own your on business etc. He is the one that enjoys me being home for the kids, but yet bitches about just the one income, his. I'm not high manteince and never go out and buy myself whatever or blow money just to be blowing it. However I'm in the process of getting me ajob maybe part time to help with some things. But what amazes me about him is, he wants me home for the kids but then bitches cuz I don't contribute financlly. So once I do, I bet he will find something else to whine about. ah you need to jump over to my booby thread and read the last couple of posts there..... your statement her is one good reason why I won't quit working Tell him you will be a phone sex operator while the kids are away in school...
JadeStar Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 ah you need to jump over to my booby thread and read the last couple of posts there..... your statement her is one good reason why I won't quit working Tell him you will be a phone sex operator while the kids are away in school... I have been keeping up with your booby thread. Very interesting btw. You know I joked with him about that before, getting a seperate line and being a phone sex operator, he said ok. I have 2 different jobs in the works right now. I don't mind helping out financilly, I guess what gets me is he was the one that wanted or enjoyed me being home but bitched since I didn't contribute the green dough. I mean good grief make up your mind.
Mz. Pixie Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 I'm not one to argue about small stuff- like the toilet seat or toothpaste. Never have been. We argue about him using a certain tone when he speaks to me. He deals with teenagers all day- alot of them that are rude- and he forgets to turn it off when he talks to me. We disagree a bit about money- every once in a while but rarely- probably because we have more than enough to go around. My major point with him is not keeping me advised of his schedule when it's going to impact me. Such as, it's his job to pick up our kids twice a week. Well something will need to be scheduled for his teams- and he'll schedule it on a pick up day- but won't call me to consult me first. When I make the commute it's 2 1/2 hours to come back home. When he makes it after school it's an hour max! We just had a big blow up about it this weekend.
Touche Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Jade, even doctors and lawyers have trouble getting by on one income these days. Trust me on that. It's not easy for anyone these days. Ok, what do we fight about? Nothing big. Let's see: My messes, the fact that I'm not enough of a disciplinarian, his tone of voice, my tone of voice, some dumb thing or another that we both remember differently, my computer time. That's all I can think about right now. Do they get resolved? Yes, usually...at least temporarily until the next time!
JadeStar Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Jade, even doctors and lawyers have trouble getting by on one income these days. Trust me on that. It's not easy for anyone these days. Yes true and I thought of that and went back in to edit that and add that in as well, but I was to late to edit it. So I guess its more along the lines of its hard for anyone these days wheather its based on one or two incomes. Jade
a4a Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Jade, even doctors and lawyers have trouble getting by on one income these days. Trust me on that. It's not easy for anyone these days. Yes true and I thought of that and went back in to edit that and add that in as well, but I was to late to edit it. So I guess its more along the lines of its hard for anyone these days wheather its based on one or two incomes. Jade Well how did the Cleavers manage. Ward and June had a nice home, nice clothes, and nice furniture. :lmao: Perhaps a one income household thread would be interesting?
JadeStar Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Well how did the Cleavers manage. Ward and June had a nice home, nice clothes, and nice furniture. Thats true, and that house was kind of big too wasn't it?
Roo Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 What we fight about... his mother and one of his sisters (the other two sisters are my best friends go figure?) hmmm $$ I'm a SAHM, and he works but his spending habits are less than stellar and so I'm the $$ nazi.... but we really just quabble about this I remind him when he's spending and he quips back at me because he hates the reminder but that's just how we get thru it here lol.. pet peeves... grrrrrr dirty dishes left in the sink when the dishwasher has plenty o room for the dirty ones, clothes lying all over the floor when there's plenty of room in the hamper, beerbottles that areleft lying around instead of rinsed and in the recycling (hmm I guess I'm a neat freak lol) Then we argue when we've been pent up in the house too long because we both need to get out and being a young couple with two kids and a house and an acre of property that desperately needs some work, with one income sorta limits the ability to get out and do as much as we'd like sometimes.
Rubber_Chicken Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Well how did the Cleavers manage. They only argued about " The Beaver " Well, that and how hard Ward was on the Beaver last night
Jennifer26 Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Most of our arguments have to do with his porn consumption, time management (he is a full time student and also is employed full time, so our free time is limited) and dividing household chores. Less often we argue about disciplining our son (he thinks I am too lax, and inconsistent), my family (they can be a bit intrusive and it bothers my H) and some financial matters.
a4a Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Most of our arguments have to do with his porn consumption, . :lmao: this term just hit me to be so funny..... Porn Consumption. He is a major consumer of all things porn. ..... sorry..... it just struck me as funny...... porn consumption....
superconductor Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Back in the bad old days (ie: when I was married), we had two ongoing arguments that never got resolved. 1. Money. My ex had no problem whatsoever in spending hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars on crap that we didn't need. Anything from overpriced porcelain figurines to designer clothes and shoes that she never wore because she said she was too fat. Then she'd buy a gym membership but never go. Once she signed up for a very expensive computer programming class, bought a computer and the whole schmear, and dropped the class 3 weeks in. Gawd help me, though, if I suggested that it wasn't a good use of our limited resources. "You're just trying to control me!" she'd bark. 2. So-called "natural" health products. Now, I don't pretend that Western medicine has all the answers, and there may very well be some alternative therapies that might have some benefit. But to completely ignore the advice of physicians and instead take the word of alternative practicioners as gospel - even though the alternative practitioners get a cut from the distributor for selling the goodies - was always a bone of contention. She simply refused to listen to reason or read the studies. Case in point: After an ankle injury, she got the bright idea of trying "apitherapy" which basically means getting beestings in the damaged joint. There is, in my view, no doubt whatsoever that this therapy is worse than useless, because it introduces poisons into your system where they don't belong, and into a joint that was already damaged. But facts wouldn't dissuade her. The end result is that her damaged ankle will never heal, and she's had surgery twice.
destination_unknown Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 beestings! now that is a little off the wall! I'm not married and I don't live in the US [Western Europe], but what I would think in general, is that we actually have it easier financially these days. [ok, some of it is easier because we have more access to credit - not a good thing]. I know my parents had it pretty tough, they sat on wooden crates until they could afford plastic chairs until they could afford "proper" ones. They had to be careful about using the electricity [coins into meter], and they didnt have a car for a good few years after they were married. Those are just a few examples. Whereas, my contemporaries get a huge mortgage but they have nice floors, nice furniture, nice landscaped garden, nice linens etc. all within the first few months of moving in. And even though they can't go out as much as they could before they bought the house, they do still manage. They get out DVD's and have takeout and go for dinner or to the pub at least once/twice a month. These things our parents couldnt really do. Maybe someone can compare the situation in the US - the Beavers and Bewitched did have very lovely houses! But was that the reality of 1960's America? Or just the upper-middle class? The way the O.C. is not exactly indicative of how everyone lives now? Did your parents really have it easier or are our expectations of what we should have just higher? I guess kids compund the money issues to because of course you want the best for them and college is so expensive there [its free where i live once you pass all the exams & get a place via your results from high school]
Jennifer26 Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 :lmao: this term just hit me to be so funny..... Porn Consumption. He is a major consumer of all things porn. ..... sorry..... it just struck me as funny...... porn consumption.... Hehe I don't think that I was thinking very well this morning. Must have needed some more coffee. We'll just say his habit consumes him.
Author RecordProducer Posted August 29, 2006 Author Posted August 29, 2006 Destination Unknown.. are you sure you're in the right thread?
falcon Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Most of our arguments have to do with his porn consumption, time management (he is a full time student and also is employed full time, so our free time is limited) and dividing household chores. Less often we argue about disciplining our son (he thinks I am too lax, and inconsistent), my family (they can be a bit intrusive and it bothers my H) and some financial matters. My SO and I hardly ever argue. However, we have gotten into a couple of tiffs over teen porn. It makes me ill to even think about it for some reason:sick: As far as non-teen porn, yeah, I think his consumption may be a little much. That hasn't come up yet though. I'm biding my time to see if it lessens in any way before talking to him. We have two kids to raise, 5 and 3. Sometimes there are minor misunderstandings over handling certain kid situations, but nothing major. Oh, one other thing...he thinks my family hates him and that becomes an issue sometimes~
stoopid_guy Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 My wife and I don't argue anymore. It's simply not worth the effort/frustration.
Author RecordProducer Posted August 30, 2006 Author Posted August 30, 2006 Thanks for your replies, guyz. It was really interesting to hear why other people fight, although after Loveshack, I have a clearer picture of how other people live behind the curtains. The couples I meet who seem so happy don't fool me anymore. Now I know everyone has gone through some sh*t here and there. I met a couple recently and noticed two red flags: the husband mentioned something about not having enough sex and he said his wife and her sister were yelling at each other. This was all said in a joking manner, but I figured they had the usual LS problems. It's interesting to hear what people argue about. Sad, too.
raybrown Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 I have been living with my girlfriend for almost a year now. Let's me say, we do argue quite a bit, but they are mostly small things. Occasionally we had some biggies like ... 1) Money (surprise) I don't make a lot of money right now and right now she's looking for work. She has expensive tastes (which, with my old income would it have been sufficient). When I tell her I don't have the money to support her lifestyle, she would get angry for a while. Her spending habits got us into a lot of trouble until recently, when she started to realize her spending. But old habits die hard, and this will take some time, but she also knows that I draw the line on savings (hers and mine). 2) Time I work a lot, and I work pretty far from our house. She complains I am never around for her. I spend all my non-working hours with her, but sometimes she wants me to take time off from work! But I also want us to expand our social circle. I want time to do develop my career. She thinks everybody still works 9-5, but sadly this doesn't really happen anymore, especially for my line of work, when sometimes you just need to stay put for days in a row (not often, but it happens). 3) Directions When I drive, I am pretty laid back with making wrong turns, waiting on traffic, etc., etc. She's not. So we end up yelling at each other when I am behind the wheel. Since she's also pretty crap at reading maps, I am also stuck with navigating. But in the mean time, she doesn't trust my map-reading skills, nor does she stop when she's lost. This is probably where we argue the worst. 4) Kids She wants a kid pronto. I want to wait until my career takes off. With my income and her spending habits, we will go bankrupt in no time when a kid arrives. On this one, it only happens once in the blue moon, but she's willing to wait. I have a feeling some compromise needs to be made. I don't think these arguments are going to go away soon, and I do think it is her who needs to make the change, esp on money and time. Despite our arguments, our love is getting stronger each day. When we are happy (which is most of the time), it is the most wonderful part of my life. Sounds ironic, isn't it?
Becoming Posted September 4, 2006 Posted September 4, 2006 My H and I once argued over what constitutes a proper salad. :lmao: We argue mostly over stupid crap, which is indicative of power-sharing problems. The big stuff we take in stride. But the one major issues is his lack of initiative in making good things happen between us (dates, conversation, sex, order, scheduling) is the major source of conflict. Which is part of the reason why a4a's booby-staring thread was important to me!
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