FoxyLady82 Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 confused ok well i just got out of a 2 yr relationship wit someone who i do truly love this has not been the first time we broke up ,, we have been broke up about a month now,, and when we broke up i started seeing another guy right away and i am still currently seeing him.. Me and the ex did not really speak up until a few days ago he replied to an email i sent him we discussed everything that happened... Then a few days later he seen me driving in my car with this new guy and then all of a sudden he added me on to his chat list again and we have been chit chatting ever since. I am confused because i wanna be with my ex and im with this new guy i do like but it just does not feel right nor is it fair... So i needed to know if i had a chance with my ex so i asked him today i was like ok i need to know this for myself and i asked him if there would ever be a chance of us getting back together or he wouldnt respond to me ,,,, kept dropping the subject..... so i mean wouldnt he just come right out and say no especially if he is angry with me.... and he is the type that would tell me right out if it was the end.... He has also been making comments about who i am hanging around with acting jealous and such i guess my point is if if he were really done with me and he is angry with me why is he speaking to me and why wouldnt he answer the question when i asked him bout another chance????? I need to know these answers to determine whether or not to move on and we have had break ups in the past he would ignore me for awhile but usually once we would start talking we would end up back together... is he playing hard to get????
MuNky Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Your post reads difficultly. Use single sentences, and disable the bold switch. This is not advice just observation. You guys have some history. His curiousity was peaked when he spotted you with the other guy. He may have gotten the impression that you two are getting back together again for another cycle after the e-mail. Now he could be confused or fearful since he is dropping the subject, he is reluctant to let you go, maybe because of your two years, or maybe he still loves you (One can love and be angry at the same time towards someone). If I were you I would let new guy down gently, tell him that you are currently on the rebound, this will still leave hope with him, if you choose him later (you know that you are hurting him right now?) Cool down (be single) for a month or two or six. If you still love guy#1 then reinitaite contact. But let new guy go NOW. The longer you keep him around the more it is going to hurt him if you choose guy#1. You are right it is not right nor fair to lead new guy on, I am glad you realised it is selfish. After the cool down, if you like new guy or someone else more than #1 then go for it. If you want new guy or #1 then, and they are in an other relationship, keep contact - as a friend, if it doesn't work out, hey presto you guys can be together again. If you find someone better in the meantime, kudos. All I am saying is, don't lead someone on, it is a nasty thing to do. You need to reasses your situation with #1, that is why I am recommending the cool-down. Is it love or comfort you have with #1? Maybe he should ask the same question for himself towards you.
Author FoxyLady82 Posted August 29, 2006 Author Posted August 29, 2006 Well i was spekaing to guy number 1 yesterday i asked him yet again. I said is there ever c achance we can work it out and he was like i dunno stop asking..... Then he said you want me to give you ana answer now after everything that happened....... So i guess he isnt over anything yet.... and as far as guy number 2 i do like him don't think it is just a rebound thing so im confused..... The ex will not give a straight answer and i dont want to let go of something good if he doesnt even have any intents on working it out..... But then i think why is he talking to me why is he asking me who im hanging with and wanting to know names of ppl who i go places with....... I am confused on what he is thinking...
MuNky Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 If you see guy#1 with another girl in the pass-by wouldn't you also like to know what is going on? You two are comfortable with each other to speak openly about such things (2 years....), as friends. That could be the reason why he reinitiated contact. It sounds like he is hurt or tired after your relationship, and he wants to cool off from you. Give him space - it could be that he is just friendly with you now (and you are getting on his nerves) and you want a relationship (once) again, even after he saw you with another guy, so he isn't taking you seriously. He is currently reassesing himself probably, and now you are pressuring him. Give him space. I would new guy know what is going on before it would hurt him (too much) That is why I suggest the rebound excuse (even if you feel you are not on the rebound). You are an option for him but not right now. It is clear that you need a little space right now as well (cool-off). Reasses your situation and see what happens. You want new guy, but still long for #1. You don't want to lose what you had with #1 and that is why you are acting like you do. Perhaps you are fooling yourself over your emotions for one or the other. This is all IMHO and speculation....
Author FoxyLady82 Posted August 29, 2006 Author Posted August 29, 2006 munky thanks for the advice!! I guess what im saying is i don't wanna put my life on hold for him, but for some reason i just cannot move ahead.... You say it could be him just trying to be nice, well i don't think because he already told me he is still angry, and ppl just cant go to friends in 1 month... i have a feeling like he has a game plan here somewhere. But he cannot give me an answer so what is your prediction do you think i may have a chance with this guy or should i suck it up. I cant be friends with someone i went out with for 2 yrs ...... I try and ask him what he wants with no luck he knows im willing to work it out but i cannot wait forever.... help:lmao:
ash8752 Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 why did you two break up in the first place? I think that if he really wanted to be with you he would tell you! Especially since you are seeing someone else and there is a chance of you falling for someone else. I have learned that men are really not all that complicated. I think maybe he feels confused, but he obviously doesnt want to be with you right now, not yet at least. SO...you can break it off with #2 and wait around and see what happens with a guy who isnt sure if he wants to be with you OR try and move past guy #1 and be with #2 who wants to pursue more with you. I dont know the whole story so i guess it is hard for me to tell.
Author FoxyLady82 Posted August 29, 2006 Author Posted August 29, 2006 Well he doesnt know im seeing anyone right now me and guy # 2 are not serious yet. I dunno a month later and he starts talking to me all of a sudden. I guess i want an answer which im not gonna get because he is still angry and unsure. Thanks for the advice guess only thing here is time will tell. Should i keep chattin with him or ignore him.
ash8752 Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Thats a tough one!!! You could keep contact, but dont ask him questions like you have been. Act like it isnt a big deal to you anymore. If you ignore him he may get the wrong signal...but it will be easier on you. I feel like both answers are bad answers because it makes you have to play games. you deserve better than someone who isnt sure about you. Why did the relationship end in the first place?
MuNky Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 I have learned that men are really not all that complicated. At first I thought that is a demeaning statement, but it's true. Every guy is (somewhat) different, but we do like simplicity, it makes life, well, simpler:rolleyes: You may have sensed that I am sensitive to the plight of new guy/#2, that is because I am currently (I think) in the same shoes as him. "If only she lets me know what is going on, because I am confused on how to approach the situation", #2 is probably sensing that something is amiss with you, or he would in the near future. Play the (plutonic) friend with #1, keep contact (and thus options) open. Yes, playing games suck, but if it works in this situation then I guess it must happen. Oh and #1 is sensing #2, that could be why he is talking again with you. He had an emotional investment with you, so jealousy kicked in when he saw you with #2, even though he may not want a romantic relationship with you (again/currently). Why did you breakup with #1, who did the dumping? The problem with giving advice or insights on a forum is that others don't usually know the whole situation, so use advice accordingly, if it fits. Don't let us tell you what to do, YOU have to live with the consequences. That is why I say IMHO, and speculation.
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