Deeko Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 Okay, I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and have met all of his friends and what-not. Some I like more than others, but that’s a different post Anyway, his friend is getting married (he’s friends with both the bride and groom to be) in October. He received an invitation in the mail, and it didn’t have my name on it. He asked me if I would be his date to the wedding. First off I wondered if he was just joking since he made it sound like we weren’t dating by his question, “Would you be my date to the wedding?” Does that sound sketchy? Okay, so maybe I think too much. With that aside, I asked him if my name was on the invite. He said it wasn’t but when you get invited to a wedding, it’s just expected you bring a date because you can’t show up at a wedding by yourself. I told him if I was invited, it would say “Plus guest” or “plus date” because if everyone they invited starts brining someone else, they’ll have double the number that was originally invited. He told me I was being so ridiculous and I told him he was being rude by just assuming he could bring me. He kept saying you don’t show up at weddings alone and he wasn’t showing up by himself because that’s lame, so I told him he could take someone else because I’d feel nervy just showing up. So anyway, this sparked an argument and this was our first after a year. We didn’t speak for half of the day and I was so mad at him for making me feel stupid, I started crying and he eventually told me to stop being upset and that we’d work something out. I told my mom and she is on my side, you don’t just “assume” someone is invited if it doesn’t say. He said that he’d call them and ask them if it was okay if he brought me and I told him he shouldn’t do that because it’s nervy and now they have no choice but to say yes. It’s not like he’s super close with these friends of his anyway, and I’ve only met them like twice. Someone please tell me I’m not the odd one in this case. Isn’t this just common courtesy? According to him I’m being weird and I just “don’t understand.”[/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT]
norajane Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 If the invitation doesn't say "and guest" or something like that, and it's addressed only to him, then you're right - you can't just show up to the wedding. If he wants to ask them if he can bring a guest, that's fine - his friends can easily say they have only planned a certain size wedding. If it's a less formal affair, it might not be a big deal, or even if it's formal, others may have declined the invitation, so it might work out. Believe me, if it's a problem, the friends will have no issues in saying no. As to your other question about "will you be my date to the wedding," I think you're being overly-sensitive or something. That's a perfectly fine way to ask you if you would go with him, and doesn't imply anything like you're not even dating.
Author Deeko Posted August 28, 2006 Author Posted August 28, 2006 THANK-YOU! It's nice to know you know where I'm coming from. Too bad he doesn't! I don't NOT want to go, but I want to know I was invited in the first place. He said they won't have a problem with me going and they'd wonder even more so why I wasn't there if I didn't show up. What the heck?! So I left a note for him (my boyfriend) before I left for work this morning saying I'd go but only if he double checked with his friends because I don't want to just show up. This has all turned into akwardness, but I don't want us to fued over something small like this. It's just hard when he can't even KIND OF see where I'm coming from. MEN!
tanbark813 Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Ditto what norajane said. Your bf is wrong. I actually just attended a wedding about a week ago where the invitation was to me only and didn't mention "+ guest". I contemplated bringing a date and even thought about asking but ended up going alone assuming the bride--who I'm friends with--would try to hook me up. I was pleasantly surprised to find that she put me and all the other single people at the same table. There were about 6 of us--guys and girls--who were there without a date. That also kind of confirmed wondering whether or not I was supposed/allowed to bring someone.
Author Deeko Posted August 29, 2006 Author Posted August 29, 2006 Sounds like a similar situation and it's crazy he's arguing with me that I was just assumed to be invited. You'd really think the invitation would say if I was invited, wouldn't you? I wish he knew what you guys were saying and that it's HIM that's wrong about this! Don't you agree with me it's nervy of him to just bring me or assume I was invited? As to your friend putting you at the singles table, did she know you had a girlfriend? I'm glad there is a guy out there who agrees with me. He really made me feel like I was crazy and insane by saying I can't just show up!
tanbark813 Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 As to your friend putting you at the singles table, did she know you had a girlfriend? I don't have a gf, which she knew. I also knew I could most likely rely on her to put me at a table with single girls.
ash8752 Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Well- I do think you are overly sensitive. It was cute for him to ask if you'd be his date, he cant assume it right? That is normal. I asked my bf if he's be my date to a wedding and he said yes and that's just normal. I think you should just let your bf ask his friends. They are his friends and it is ok to ask. It's not putting anything on you either bc he wants you to go and HE is doing the asking. Guys dont understand proper etiquette as well as women, but i think that you are taking this all way to personally.
Author Deeko Posted August 29, 2006 Author Posted August 29, 2006 I agree I am sensitive, maybe overly. I just thought it was proper ettiquite to not show up if not invited. It's not like they don't know he's dating me. I did tell my boyfriend I'd go but only if he asked his friends and they said it was okay. Although I feel like they are now obligated to say I could come even if I wasn't invited originally. Ah, I just feel like no matter what now the situation will be akward. It's kind of a touchy subject with us still that we don't bring up since our spat over the weekend.
ash8752 Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 I agree. And i think that as his friend they should have said something to him about it. Are they young? Maybe they dont know any better. Just let him ask, if they say no i bet it is just an issue of costs. If they say yes go and try and enjoy yourself. Act like you didnt even know about all of the issues with the invite.
Author Deeko Posted August 29, 2006 Author Posted August 29, 2006 His friends are in their early 30's (30 & 32 I believe) so you think they'd know better if they did want me to attend. I don't know, I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing (which I tend to do) hehe The wedding is being held at their house (they have lots of acreage) so I don't know if it's a cost issue. Who knows, we'll find out what happens. I should just go (once he asks) and enjoy myself but knowing me, I think WAY too much
Adora Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Stop for a moment, relax, slowly inhale... hold it! . . . . . release! Feel better? k Calmly ask your bf if he could just mention if it'd be alright if he had you accompany him to their wedding. He can say I wasn't sure since the invitiation only had his name on it, then let it go from there. He doesn't have to say 'omg my gf is majorly pissed because I asked her on a date to your wedding because you didn't list her on the invitation!!' I'd loosen up on him - remember; the fight you are having due to this issue wasn't at fault of your bf! Had he not received this invitation, it wouldn't even be an issue. Most likely the couple to wed were going through their guest list and (since you only seen them 2 times previously) either a) overlooked you b) weren't sure you two were still an item (I am assuming this because as you said he doesn't really associate with them, therefore they might be in the dark as to whether you were still in his life or c) they can't afford 2 bodies, so he might have to just go alone. It could be anything. Try not to take it as a personal attack - just a misunderstanding.
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