Guest Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 I've been in a wonderful relationship with an equally wonderful guy for about two months now. We spend a good deal of time together and he treats me as if I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him. I just feel terrible about the way things began between us. I'd dated my last boyfriend for over five years. Things were rocky between us for a while; we'd broken up and got back together a few times within the span of the past year. Over this past year, I'd developed a crush on this guy at work. Or not so much developed...he made a definite "wow" impression the first time I saw him. The guy at work started stopping by my office to chat and we went out to lunch together a couple of times. There was a definite strong mutual attraction, but we both had platonic intentions. We had a good deal in common. I kept my bf informed so he wouldn't feel I was hiding anything from him. I even told my bf of the time what a cool guy I thought he was, and how I thought we would be friends *facepalm*. The ending of our relationship was rather ambiguous. We were over, but we weren't over, and then we were really over. I kept wanting to give things one last try, but every time we got back together, I felt somehow disappointed. By the last time we broke up, I was feeling rather relieved. He had some issues he had to work on - he started seeing a therapist - and I was tired of waiting. I stopped calling him and hanging out with him, and I think he didn't expect that. A month or two later (I'm not exactly sure how long it had been, honestly, due to the ambiguous nature of our breakup) my work-friend invited me to see a movie with him. I told him "maybe" the first couple of times since I'd recently ended a relationship, but I really did enjoy the time I spent with him, so I finally accepted. We ended up having one of those really long, fantastic dates where you're never bored, followed by more of the same in the next couple weeks. We had sex rather early into it (after the first week and a half), and grew close pretty quickly. I spend the night at his place most times, we cook dinner together, hang out with friends together, etc. On one hand I'm feeling on top of the world - I really like this guy and I think I’m starting to fall for him. He meets all of my core requirements in a SO (something I never thought about until after breaking up with my ex) and none of my deal-breakers. He’s even got a couple traits I always liked but didn’t need. He’s not perfect by any means (who is?), but he’s pretty darn awesome. On the other hand, I feel like an ******* for doing this to my ex. As incompatible as we turned out to be, he’s a good guy. I think I kind of stepped on his feelings to get what I wanted. Half the people I talk to tell me not to worry about it, and I need to do what makes me happy, and half the people say it was a dick move on my part – dating someone else so soon. I was over the breakup by the time I started dating this guy, but I don’t think he was. I feel, in a way, that having a crush on my new bf for that year, and then hanging out with him even given the way I felt, makes me a bad person. Or, at least, a worse person than I’d always wanted to be. I feel like the honorable thing to do would have been not to associate with him in the first place, given how strongly I was attracted to him. I feel like I should have waited longer to date him so as not to step all over my ex’s feelings. I’m ashamed of the way I’ve behaved, but I can’t honestly say I’d do things differently. Is it normal to feel this way? Things have been so great, I keep expecting them to fall apart, in part because I feel like I deserve it. I’m a little scared, too, because things have been moving so quickly, and I’d always heard that was bad. I’ve never moved so quickly in a relationship before, and neither has he. I’m more the glacial type when it comes to relationships – it had been five years and we were just starting to talk about moving in together in my last relationship. Sometimes I get this crazy desire to up, leave, and just sit by myself for a while – sometimes in the middle of the night - but then I think that would probably be some sort of subconscious way of sabotaging what I have right now. Maybe I just think too much. I’m fine until I’m alone and bored, and then all these confusing thoughts bombard me. Thanks if you’ve read this far. I’ve felt the need to get this all out for a while now.
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