LuvStruck Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 I'm writing this letter to gain some insight and suggestions to address a situation that I have with my fiance. I'd like to address the area of finances..... He has several kids and is not a deadbeat dad (pays child suport, provides mental support of his children and quality time) The problem is his ex. He has one mother (yea 3 baby's mammas) whom each pay period she calls him demanding for money (outside of the support and outside of what the child may need at the time - more of personal favors). I don't have an issue with him taking care of his responsibilities but feel this situation if not handled properly can affect us in the future. I feel that he'll be setting an environment that whenever she asks for money it'll be given without much consideration of our obligations. What's your advice or comments on this matter as I know there's many other women and/or men that have similar issues as it relates to this? Addtional supporting information: 1. Mother has additional children from previous relationships, none of which are paying any support. 2. It's been at least 2 years where she demands more money bi-weekly 3. Fiance feels sorry for her because she has no additonal support at times 4. He feels if he doesn't give in she'll increase support
norajane Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 Isn't there an amount of support that's legally determined by the court? She can't just demand more just because the other father(s) of her other children aren't providing any. Can your fiancee suggest she sue for child support from the other father(s)? You need to discuss this issue thoroughly with your fiancee and come to an agreement you can both live with - if you're going to marry him, you need to be on the same page concerning his responsibilities the mothers of his children as well as to you. He needs to respect your relationship and be responsible to you as well as to them.
stillhere Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 I can understand your frustrations with a pushy ex. I was in a similar situation. In the state i live, the mother can bring the father to court every day of the week if she thinks he isn't forking out enough cash. The judge ultimately decides if her reasons for asking them to increase the pay are valid. It was a constant "keep her happy or she'll bring you back to court" headache. And many times she was unreasonable. He has to put his foot down. She will run circles around him, like she is right now. He won't know which way to turn and he will forever be walking on egg shells so he does not upset her. As hard as this is, it needs to be done. The courts will soon get fed up with seeing her face and her insane requests (in our case that was how it went at least) and put a stop to it. He can easily bring up in court that he feels she is trying to have him pay for the other children that are not his, and that is unfair to him. That she and the courts should be concentrating that energy into making the real father of those children pay, because he is doing his part and shouldn't be held accountable for someone else's children. It may take a while, because she's been getting her way for 2 years. But if he sticks to his guns, she'll start to see that he can't be bullied anymore. Good luck to you, i hope it all works out.
Author LuvStruck Posted August 29, 2006 Author Posted August 29, 2006 Thanks for all of the helpful advice. I've talked to my fiance several times about this and even suggested that he takes the ball and run with it. Don't wait until she threatens to go to court seeking an increase, initiate it because she'll continue to manipulate the situation. Each time she upsets him by going into her tantrums he'll say he's going to initiate but of course later its on the back burner and he says he doesn't want to put his child though it. I know it all is an excuse to appease her which isn't going to work for me. While she's getting pacified I'm getting more and more frustrated by the situation and the volleying that occurs betwen them. Thanks again! LuvStruck
BUTAFLY Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 This is a situation he has to deal with. When you marry him it becomes HIS & YOUR problem, not to mention YOU, HIS and HER money. Can you deal with that?
Author LuvStruck Posted August 29, 2006 Author Posted August 29, 2006 Butafly, You're correct about your last post which is all the more reason I want to get this ironed out beforehand, because NO I can't deal with the situation as it is. My happiness is not worth compromising. Thanks again...
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