Paysh Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 Hi, I find that writing my feelings down helps clear my head a bit, so here goes. I apologize if it's lengthy. I'm filing divorce papers this afternoon. My wife and I had been married for 2 years, together for 10. We started dating when we were 15 and had been each other's only real boy/girlfriends and sexual partners. We were each others best friends and went through a lot of things together that young adults do. I developed a drinking problem over the last 1.5 years which added strain to our relationship, but was never directly addressed, nor dealt with - so no action was taken to correct it. She liked to drink too, and that didn't help. So July 1, I got absolutely smashed, blacked out, and said some pretty horrid things to her. The next day she told me we need to separate for a month or two to "get our heads straight." She told me she wanted to start dating each other again and get back to when we were falling in love. Cool! A chance to get the passion back, sounded wonderful to me. I quit drinking immediately (haven't had a drop since) and went into counselling. Started reading all the marriage saving books and trying to woo her back. I knew something was up though, every time I saw her she was so distant and if I even tried to touch her she'd shy away from me. So she's hanging out with her friend (who's a compulsive liar and in a horrible relationship with a married man 15 years older than her) and going out with the friend, the married guy and his roommate (also older) pretty much every night. I had suspicions, but put them aside because she'd "never do anything to hurt me." All this time her friend is sending me emails telling me that she wants us to work on things and she's been telling my wife that we need to start working on our relationship. All lies as I was soon to figure out. Blah blah blah, this keeps up for 7 weeks, finally I'd had enough and found her journal that she was keeping. Maybe I shouldn't have snooped, but I'm glad I did. It opens up to the day of our 2nd wedding anniversary. Keep in mind she told me, after I had asked her, that this separation does not include dating anyone, no "single life", nothing like that. It reads: "It's our 2nd anniversary and what the **** is up with me? Woke up in *****'s (married guy's roommate) bed and had sex with him. Then **** (friend's married boyfriend) felt me up and kissed me (for the 2nd time this weekend) I had sex with ***** 3 times this weekend. I felt no guilt when I sat across from **** (me) at our anniversary dinner." Ugggggh, I felt sick for about a minute. Then I just lost all respect for her. I called her and asked her if she was cheating on me with this guy, she says "No", I asked her to think about it, again, "No." I told her parents and sister about it (we're really close) and then I told my wife I was filing for divorce. The only response I got was, "Ok." Is it normal for someone to show absolutely no remorse for something so awful? I mean, not only did she screw over her husband, but we were really tight, best friends too. It just seems so cold and heartless.
rina_r Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 Ok, you founf out she is bad. Such is life, sh*t happens. HWat you need to do is to stop whining, put yourself together and take charge of your life.
Mz. Pixie Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 It's normal. You were emotionally withdrawn from her because of your drinking problem. You weren't meeting her emotional needs. She separated from you and found someone who will meet them. The addiction to an affair is like a drug- at this point she will do anything to get it. It may seem cruel and it really is, but she doesn't see it like that because she's thinking through the "fog" as they call it. You can't think clearly when involved in an affair. Did you ask her to go to marriage counseling with you???
Author Paysh Posted August 28, 2006 Author Posted August 28, 2006 Tks pixie. Yeah, I suggested joint counselling and she agreed, but that was prior to me knowing about the truth. rina, I'm not whining. I've already made and implemented major plans for the next 2 years. I was simply asking a question.
KittenMoon Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 On the plus side, you're only what, 25 or 26? You got a lot of time ahead of you both to recover from this and find someone who will be 100% loyal to you. Some people don't have something like this happen until much later in life, where adaptability can be more difficult. Good luck. This was a truly terrible situation.
Recommended Posts