Living with each other? when?

[Guest]

I am soo glad I found you guys... I do want opinions from men and women. I will keep this short. I am 36 and my boyfriend is 32, we have been in a serious committed relationship for 5 months (met the families, vacationed together, planing future travels together) were friends for a couple of years first. I was living with a friend during the first few months of the relationship, and it worked out fine, bc she had a boyfriend too, but I did want me own privacy and space. My boyfriend was staying almost every night in the end because he has two male roomates that smoke, and the house is dirty and smokey, it is not a healthy place to stay and he also agrees. Before I started to look at apartments I spoke to my boyfriend about getting a place together, not right away but maybe in a few months, we are adults in our thirties and have talked about spending our lives together so I thought that I would rather get a larger one bedroom or two bedroom if we planned on living together, then getting a small one-bedroom that I could afford on my own. I also thought that he would be over all the time and that would not be fair to me to be footing the whole bill for the utilities and the rent for Sept 1, 2006 move in.

 

At first he seemed excited about the idea of living together... He said that he did not want to move in right away and he would pay the difference from the one to two bedroom for a few months until he moved in officially... so I signed the lease and left the deposit. We had a second talk, and he seemed angry and uncomfortable when I said when do you think you will be moving in? Maybe around the holidays or the beginning of the year. He said I think your few months and my few months are different... and he said "probably the beginning of the summer..." My jaw dropped. I said 10 mths is not a few months. So I decided to drop it. I cannot force someone to live with me, so I decided to get a roomate and rent out a separate part of the apartment, they have total privacy with their own entrance and own bathroom. Even the rent and utilities on the one-bedroom is pushing me outside of my financial comfort zone. I was allowed to move in a few weeks before Sept 1, and of course what has happened you can guess... he has stayed over for the past 8 nights. I love him and want to be with him and he did help me with the move and setting up the apartment, last night I told him that I would like to spend the night alone in my new place. Basically, it pisses me off when I think that he had an option to live with me and he turned it down saying it was too soon to live together, and slowly he is moving all of his stuff in and staying. I know that I am spilting the rent with someone, but I still am paying close to $650 a month for utilities and rent.

I guess now he thinks that I have a roomate, so he does not need to pay the difference between the two apartments or pay anything. I am not sure, maybe he will offer, but I am still angry that he refused the committment of living together and now is doing the "uncommitted way". I will be 37 in a few months, I want a family someday, I am getting a feeling that he is too immature for this relationship and may never commit to living together or getting married. He is a good man, but he just may not be the one, and I cannot keep wasting my time on men that are not ready to commit. When do people normally start to think about living together? Is 6 months too soon?

Thanks everyone, or to the people that got to the bottom of this... Can you give me some feed back? Monica