seperated wifes feelings towards our child?

[robkris8079]

Please help me understand my seperated wifes feelings for our child. My wife had an affair and left our home. I have the baby with me. My wife lives with her father. She use to be the perfect mother. Played with the baby, made sure she had everything she needed and then some. After we seperated I told my wife that our child and myself needed to get on a routine. The baby see's her mother on wednesdays (wife doesn't work wednesdays) and weekends. I have her during the week and bring her to daycare and pick her up. But my wife is always bringing the baby back early. She was suppose to go to a family reunion sunday and see family that never met the baby and people she hasn't seen in years. Instead because the reunion was moved from Mass (where her BF is) to Maine she decided she wasn't going to go. She gave me the baby back and went to Mass. My wifes mother hasn't seen the baby in over a month. Our child just turned one and life seemed normal up until then. I can almost understand my wifes changes in feeling towards me. People grow apart and fall out of love all the time. But this baby thing has gotten me worried. She say's all the time she wants to see the baby more. She want's to bring the baby to daycare in the mornings? What is a half hour ride going to do for the baby? I guess that is enough for my wife to get through the day but is this healthy for our child. It seems to me that a set schedule would be best. Please help me undsertand and give me your thoughts on what is best for the baby. I really don't want to have to see or talk to my wife everyday. It makes me a mess and I don't want to be like that when I have our daughter.

[Roo]

Honestly, as a mother myself I gotta say it sounds to me like your wife might be depressed or something of the sort I cannot imagine not seeing my kids that much. Does she exhibit any other signs of Depression etc?

 

And not to sound harsh, but you are a parent, regarless if it makes you feel crappy, what's best for your daughter should prevail, as an adult you have the tools to find a way to cope with your feelings that youre little one does not.

[robkris8079]

Yes my wife is depressed. She says she hates her job, doesn't have any friends here, hates living in Connecticut, no one loves her. She told me if it wasn't for the baby she would move. I told her if she felt that way then move. I don't want her to get any feelings of resentment toward our child. Her OM lives on Cape Cod. She supposedly goes to a therapist. She said her therapist said to do what makes her happy? Right now avoiding her responsabilities and screwing around with her OM makes her happy so that is what she is doing.

 

The thing with seeing the baby is she gets so much time on the weekends and she doesn't take advantage of it. She is always bringing the baby back early or trying to dodge her days all together. Then she will ask to bring the baby to daycare and pick her up? I am so frustrated I don't get it?!?! Does she want to see the baby or not? Is she good with a half hour a day with the baby as long as it doesn't cut in to her boyfriend time? Well I a not FN OK with that.

 

On another note she told me the other day that our child is only 1 and she doesn't understand what's going on and won't remember any of this anyway. How the hell am I suppose to take that? My daughter doesn't know specifics but she sure as hell knows mommy isn't in the house anymore. I have no clue how this will affect our daughter but I have already seen changes in her behavior so I know it does affect her. For one thing she is stuck to my hip like glue. Which I absolutely love by the way. She was not like this before. Also she became more affectionate to females like the daycare provider and friends girlfriends. All this might just be a part of her growing up but it sure is strange that these behaviors started at the same time as her mom leaving.

[Roo]

First of all so you know where I'm coming from (as for what to take my advice as worth) I'm 29 (I also live in CT) I have two Daughters myself K who is 20 months old (wow 20 geeze she's growing up too fast sorry) and M who's just about 4 months old now. I'm happily married to a man who I've been with for about 9 years now and we struggled for many of them we've been married 3 years now.

 

Firstly it sounds to me like either your wife is blowing smoke up your a$$ or her therapist is not a good one. Choosing to be happy is one thing, choosing to shirk your parenting responsibilities is another.

 

Also, stop making it easy for her to do so, arrange a time when the child is to come back, then be unavailable if she calls and says she wants to bring her back early, I'm not saying don't answer your phone, because if there was a problem a REAL problem you'd want to know, but sya I'm sorry I'm out, I have plans etc. I need you to keep her till the agreed upon time.

 

Also if she can't manage to keep with the visitation schedule perhaps you should ask her if she's really interested in being a parent at all?? Honestly this sounds like either your wife is really immature or really screwed up she carried this baby in her body for 9 months, the baby has barely been out of her body that long and she's acting like this... sounds a bit like she's got some SERIOUS SERIOUS problems.

 

Have you entertained the idea of getting counseling for yourself, to teack you some coping strategies, and help you figure out how to keep this from effecting your child as much as possible... Anything you do to help yourself will in turn help your daughter.

[a4a]

okay you have to focus your attention on your life with your daughter.

 

If your wife died instead of running off would you be thinking along these same lines?

 

There is a good chance she does not want to be a mother. I for one do not want kids and if for some reason it did happen I would probably only interact with the child out of pure obligation. (sounds cruel but I do not have a maternal instinct towards kids, I simply do not find anything about being a parent desirable).

 

You cannot force this woman into behaving the way you think she should. You instead need to focus on you.

Where do you see yourself at this same time next year? What are your goals?

 

BTW you may have mentioned it but how old are you guys?

[Roo]

okay you have to focus your attention on your life with your daughter.

 

 

You cannot force this woman into behaving the way you think she should. You instead need to focus on you.

Where do you see yourself at this same time next year? What are your goals?

 

yep yep 100% agreed it's hard because you want your daughter to have everything she should, but sometimes no mommy is better than a crappy one who will dissapoint her..

[Buttaflyy]

Having no mom is better than having a neglectful one, yes. But she had a baby and has a responsibility toward raising her. You can't make anyone be a parent, of course, but you can make her take some sort of responsibility for the child that you both made. Even if she helps out financially.

 

The child is of your best interest, but your feelings do matter as well. There is no excuse for this woman's behavior toward her own baby, and I think you should no longer accomodate her when she has a responsibility to be a mother. As it was mentioned before, you should make her keep to the schedule as is. Do not be available to her if she wants to bring her back early or not come pick her up as was scheduled.

 

She may be in a tough place right now, but it sounds like this situation is tough on everyone. You can't decide not to be a parent when the going gets tough.

 

To all of you who don't have children and don't want them, don't have them! It's simple. It doesn't just happen, there are ways to ensure that you won't get pregnant. If you're that sure that you don't want kids, get a hysterectomy. The worst thing you could do is bring children in the world if you don't want them. YOU are in the wrong then. It is a choice.

[a4a]

Having no mom is better than having a neglectful one, yes. But she had a baby and has a responsibility toward raising her. You can't make anyone be a parent, of course, but you can make her take some sort of responsibility for the child that you both made. Even if she helps out financially.

 

The child is of your best interest, but your feelings do matter as well. There is no excuse for this woman's behavior toward her own baby, and I think you should no longer accomodate her when she has a responsibility to be a mother. As it was mentioned before, you should make her keep to the schedule as is. Do not be available to her if she wants to bring her back early or not come pick her up as was scheduled.

 

She may be in a tough place right now, but it sounds like this situation is tough on everyone. You can't decide not to be a parent when the going gets tough.

 

To all of you who don't have children and don't want them, don't have them! It's simple. It doesn't just happen, there are ways to ensure that you won't get pregnant. If you're that sure that you don't want kids, get a hysterectomy. The worst thing you could do is bring children in the world if you don't want them. YOU are in the wrong then. It is a choice.

 

I see so many people that think they want to have kids then have them and just fall apart. Not saying she was pressured or not to have this child via religious beliefs or other pressures (I myself are familiar with such pressures to have a child by others). Sure she should pay or help.... but you cannot just say be a parent now. Some people just don't have the bonding instinct it takes to look at their own offspring and desire that... and you cannot force that either. She can pay money towards the care of the child or perform tasks but you cannot force her to really love or want the child.

 

and buttafly you cannot go to a dr. and request a tubal or a hysterectomy. They refuse to do so until you reach a certain age or have already had children.

 

Was this pregnancy planned? Not that it matters but really curious.

[Buttaflyy]

I see so many people that think they want to have kids then have them and just fall apart. Not saying she was pressured or not to have this child via religious beliefs or other pressures (I myself are familiar with such pressures to have a child by others). Sure she should pay or help.... but you cannot just say be a parent now. Some people just don't have the bonding instinct it takes to look at their own offspring and desire that... and you cannot force that either. She can pay money towards the care of the child or perform tasks but you cannot force her to really love or want the child.

 

and buttafly you cannot go to a dr. and request a tubal or a hysterectomy. They refuse to do so until you reach a certain age or have already had children.

 

Was this pregnancy planned? Not that it matters but really curious.

 

 

My point is...if you know you don't want them, don't have them. Unless you were raped, or abused you are not forced to make them. There are plenty of children born to people who don't want them. Mothers who knew that they didn't want them in the first place. I can never understand this. And even more than that A4a, motherhood is not something you can just say, "nevermind" about. That's why this is one of the most important decisions in a woman's life. If her life suddenly "fell" apart after a baby, she probably wasn't ready, or shouldn't have had one.

 

A hysterectomy is the extreme. We know that, that isn't the only way to prevent pregnancy. Either way, in this case, the baby is here, it sucks that now there is this indifference, and a baby's life has to be affected by it. I said you can't make anyone be a parent, at the least, you can demand financial support.

[a4a]

My point is...if you know you don't want them, don't have them. Unless you were raped, or abused you are not forced to make them. There are plenty of children born to people who don't want them. Mothers who knew that they didn't want them in the first place. I can never understand this. And even more than that A4a, motherhood is not something you can just say, "nevermind" about. That's why this is one of the most important decisions in a woman's life. If her life suddenly "fell" apart after a baby, she probably wasn't ready, or shouldn't have had one.

 

A hysterectomy is the extreme. We know that, that isn't the only way to prevent pregnancy. Either way, in this case, the baby is here, it sucks that now there is this indifference, and a baby's life has to be affected by it. I said you can't make anyone be a parent, at the least, you can demand financial support.

 

 

Yes abortion could have been an option this woman certainly should have explored before having this child..... if indeed the pregnancy was not planned- birth control failure.

 

It would appear that she is giving money in this case.

The OP needs to make the rules clear to her in dealing with her participation as a parent, they need to come to a compromise and stick to it.

[Buttaflyy]

Yes abortion could have been an option this woman certainly should have explored before having this child..... if indeed the pregnancy was not planned- birth control failure.

 

It would appear that she is giving money in this case.

The OP needs to make the rules clear to her in dealing with her participation as a parent, they need to come to a compromise and stick to it.

 

I agree. The OP does need to talk with her a little more and come to a better compromise with her. I hope she comes around! But if she doesn't, it sounds like the baby still has a great dad!

 

My brother raised his daughters without much help from their mom, and I always told my nieces, "that's why God gave us two parents, when one falls short you've got another". It doesn't much matter to them which one it is. They are not used to their mom being around much and they're fine with that.

[robkris8079]

Firstly it sounds to me like either your wife is blowing smoke up your a$$ or her therapist is not a good one. Choosing to be happy is one thing, choosing to shirk your parenting responsibilities is another.

 

I think she is blowing smoke up my ass and twisting the words of the therapist. Her words toward the child are totally different than her actions. And we all know her actions are what matters because her word don't mean sh**.

 

I don't answer her calls. If it is important she will leave a message. I don't accomadate her bringing the baby back early except for this one time. Which I was manipulated into. Last weekend when she said she was going to bring her back early I said "NO, it's your day and I have things I need to do." I gave her no more info than that. This weekend she was suppose to go to a family reunion out of state and said that if she took the baby than the baby would be back too late. I bought and played the sucker on this one. That is not going to happen again. I knew she was going to blow off the reunion and see her OM. I think I just got scared of her taking the baby with her.

 

As to the comment about my wife being immature and screwed up I think you are correct on both accounts. She is seriously depressed in my unproffesional oppinion and she never really grew up. I am going to be 26 next week and my wife is 27 in November. I knew her for 10 years and we have been married over 3. The baby is only one so we didn't can't married for the babys sake or anything. I know we were young and the statistics were against us but she just never grew with the relationship. Her OM is someone she had feelings for when she lived in Cape Cod. That time of her life was 15 years ago and she only lived there for 5 years? She dwells on this time of her life though. When I do have to talk to her and she brings up "The Cape" or her OM the words sound like a 15 year old school girl. I don't think she ever grew up from that time in her life. Though we made some serious grown up decisions recently such as getting married, buying a house, having a baby (we both talked about having one and agreed on it. It took six months to concieve so this was all planned out), and taking out an equity loan recently so that we could pay off debt and start going out and doing things again. I was my wifes first real boyfriend, relationship, and lover. Maybe her not getting a chance to "test the waters" also plays a role in her psychological problems.

 

Have you entertained the idea of getting counseling for yourself, to teack you some coping strategies, and help you figure out how to keep this from effecting your child as much as possible... Anything you do to help yourself will in turn help your daughter.

 

I entertained the idea and found out that it IS something I really need. I for some reason am having the most difficult time going forward with this plan. I make up exscuses such as time and money. I know these are only exscuses though. Somebody slap me and drag me down to a therapist. I NEED it.

 

If your wife died instead of running off would you be thinking along these same lines?

 

There is a good chance she does not want to be a mother.

 

But she is not dead and she was the absolute greatest mother for the first year of the childs life. WTF happened!?! I can not honestly answer your question because I don't know how.

 

Here is my plan right now. The wife has wednesdays and weekends I get the rest. There isn't going to be any picking up or dropping off at daycare from the wife. That is what I do. As I am typing this I get a VM from the wife saying she needs to come over and talk. She says after what happened this morning she doesn't think she can have the baby sleep over on the weekends anymore. What happened was my wife and I talked about me dropping the baby off to her in the morning and her taking our child to daycare. She didn't ask her father if it was OK that I stop there every morning. They feel that they are being taking advantage of and that there house isn't their house anymore. They feel like they don't make any desicions about the goings on there.So basically they said no to having more comossion in the house every morning. That is supposedly the time when her dad and his wife spend together. My FIL and his wife love me to death. What the hell do I do now.

 

Sorry if my response is all over the place. It is really hard to organize what your typing when so much is running through your head.

[a4a]

well what the hell does she want to talk about?

 

honestly if I were in your shoes I would so try to find a way just to evacuate this woman from my life and my daughters life completely.

 

Unless you have hopes of saving your marriage what the hell is in it for you or your daughter?

 

She cannot stick to doing what she says she will do. She probably will just simply cause more disappointment in your daughters life in the future. Sheesh.

 

You need to look at it as if she did not exist tho...... what are your goals?

[Buttaflyy]

This situation gets tougher and tougher. Maybe you need to have a sit down with your in-laws as well, and see what's really going on. I don't understand why the baby can't come to their house on the weekends anymore. Does she leave the responsibility to her parents? Leave the baby with them to babysit? What does the daycare arrangement have to do with the normal weekend visists?

[RecordProducer]

There is a good chance she does not want to be a mother. I for one do not want kids and if for some reason it did happen I would probably only interact with the child out of pure obligation. (sounds cruel but I do not have a maternal instinct towards kids, I simply do not find anything about being a parent desirable).

 

You cannot force this woman into behaving the way you think she should. You instead need to focus on you.

This is probably the case. I as a mother couldn't possibly imagine to abandon my kids for any reason in this world, but your wife has no problem with that. However, don't think that she doesn't love her daughter. Just think of all the examples where a man leaves his wife and children to be with some new girl. They still love their children and visit them, but they don't feel the same love as the mothers, they don't feel fully responsible, and they simply act upon their animalistic instinct - I spread my seed and move on.

 

You will obviously be the primary parent and she will be the secondary (which in most case is reverse gender-wise). Accept that. The court or center of social work or whoever is in charge will determine when she will see the child and they will do that according to everyone's needs, but mostly according to what's best for the child.

 

I strongly advise you to have the schedule of visitations on paper, because the secondary parent often has a tendency of "special requirements" just to justify their need to avoid the child and to cover their feeling of guilt. Your wife is already doing it by asking to drive the baby to the day-care center.

[robkris8079]

You need to look at it as if she did not exist tho...... what are your goals?

 

I have no hopes or intentions of saving my marriage. I don't like the person she has become and I will never look at her in the same way as I once did. Partly because of the affair but mainly because of how she is with the baby. I don't have really any goals at this moment. I am just trying my hardest to do whats right for the baby. I guess my goal is to provide for my daughter as best as I can.

 

honestly if I were in your shoes I would so try to find a way just to evacuate this woman from my life and my daughters life completely

 

How the hell would I go about doing that? I have a child with her and even though she does one thing she is constantly telling me that she wan't more time with the baby?

 

This situation gets tougher and tougher. Maybe you need to have a sit down with your in-laws as well, and see what's really going on. I don't understand why the baby can't come to their house on the weekends anymore. Does she leave the responsibility to her parents? Leave the baby with them to babysit? What does the daycare arrangement have to do with the normal weekend visists?

 

I already did that and they said they have no problem with the baby on the weekend. It's really only one night since my wife gets the baby saturday morning and brings her back sunday night. I don't know why she is thinking the baby can't go there on the weekends. Should I try and get a hold of them before calling my wife back. Do I call her back at all? Please advise.

 

How do I get visitations down on paper? Is it a court thing or just write something out and we both sign it thing?

[a4a]

I have no hopes or intentions of saving my marriage. I don't like the person she has become and I will never look at her in the same way as I once did. Partly because of the affair but mainly because of how she is with the baby. I don't have really any goals at this moment. I am just trying my hardest to do whats right for the baby. I guess my goal is to provide for my daughter as best as I can.

 

Ok the marriage is kaput..... divorce should be a goal. This woman is toying with your mind keeping you from doing your best for your daughter.

 

So seek a divorce and don't let her toy with your mind.... 2 goals for you.

(try contacting a fathers rights group to see what they can offer you as help in this matter)

 

 

 

How the hell would I go about doing that? I have a child with her and even though she does one thing she is constantly telling me that she wan't more time with the baby?

 

My guess her proclaiming she wants more time is so she can just keep a scorecard for public display and to ease her mind of guilt.

 

 

 

I already did that and they said they have no problem with the baby on the weekend. It's really only one night since my wife gets the baby saturday morning and brings her back sunday night. I don't know why she is thinking the baby can't go there on the weekends. Should I try and get a hold of them before calling my wife back. Do I call her back at all? Please advise.

 

I would call the inlaws directly and ask if they themselves would like to set up visitation with your daughter at this time. Inform them in a nice way that you do want them in her life as it will benefit her. Set up a time with them.

 

Good chance perhaps they are trying to stay out of the middle of this? Or your wife is lying her ass off? Only one way to find out. Ask without pulling them into a confrontation with you.

[Roo]

Her OM is someone she had feelings for when she lived in Cape Cod. That time of her life was 15 years ago and she only lived there for 5 years? She dwells on this time of her life though. When I do have to talk to her and she brings up "The Cape" or her OM the words sound like a 15 year old school girl. I don't think she ever grew up from that time in her life.

 

Sounds like she's also trying to escape her depression by simply trying to relive a time in her life when she felt happeir...

 

HOWEVER, how or why she's dealing with her own issues and what she does with herself really needs to be not your concearn unless it DIRECTLY effects the situation with your daughter A4A is very right that you just have to start planning your future without her, possibly realizing that she may end up not in your daughters life either.

 

I entertained the idea and found out that it IS something I really need. I for some reason am having the most difficult time going forward with this plan. I make up exscuses such as time and money. I know these are only exscuses though. Somebody slap me and drag me down to a therapist. I NEED it.

 

ok so get on the pone and start calling... NOW, have an appt for yourself scheduled by the end of the day and report back to us... no more excuses

She didn't ask her father if it was OK that I stop there every morning. They feel that they are being taking advantage of and that there house isn't their house anymore. They feel like they don't make any desicions about the goings on there.So basically they said no to having more comossion in the house every morning. That is supposedly the time when her dad and his wife spend together. My FIL and his wife love me to death. What the hell do I do now.

 

Again if your wife cannot be mature enough to parent this child, then perhaps she shouldn't . When she says... My parents say... don't take the second hand information sit down with all of them and have a talk afterall if she's living with them and that's where your daughter is when she's with her mother then you have every right to have a sit down conversation with all of them... BTW this also sounds like BS to me... I'm married and happily so and NEITHER of our parents would EVER complain about time spent with the grandchildren. Perhaps their objection is because they are worried like you that this is:

Is she good with a half hour a day with the baby as long as it doesn't cut in to her boyfriend time?

Maybe they are trying to stop accomodating her abandonment of her parenting responsibilites as you are.

Sorry if my response is all over the place. It is really hard to organize what your typing when so much is running through your head.

 

Trust me as a parent I totoally understand this is very hard and very emotional for you, you want your Daughter to have EVERYTHING she deserves, including a good mother, but you cannot control that portion, try not to take responsibility for the things you cannot give your child, and deal with the things you can.

[robkris8079]

Ok the marriage is kaput..... divorce should be a goal. This woman is toying with your mind keeping you from doing your best for your daughter.

 

I talked to the lawyer right away and his advice is "as long as I don't plan on getting married or my wife isn't giving me child support not to file". He said there is about $500 and fee's for the serving of papers and filing and there isn't any reason for me to have to pay those. Plus he said to try and iron out as many details as possible before the actual divo and that will save us a ton of time and money.

 

My guess her proclaiming she wants more time is so she can just keep a scorecard for public display and to ease her mind of guilt.

 

I agree with this 100% and it makes me sick.

 

I would call the inlaws directly and ask if they themselves would like to set up visitation with your daughter at this time. Inform them in a nice way that you do want them in her life as it will benefit her. Set up a time with them.

 

They are definately in her life. I do bring her to visit when my wife is not there. And they come over my house to see the baby. My issue now is why does my wife think she can't have the baby there on the weekends. I have spoken to the in-laws yesterday and they have no issue with the baby being there on the weekend.

 

What do I do about calling my wife back on this? Do I not call? Try and get in touch with the in-laws first to verify what is going on? I am leaning toward trying to get in touch with them before calling her. Any idea's as to what to say to my wife when I do call her. I have no problems talking to my in-laws. The relationship has always had the feeling of a true son-parent relationship as opposed to by marriage only.

[Buttaflyy]

Ok the marriage is kaput..... divorce should be a goal. This woman is toying with your mind keeping you from doing your best for your daughter.

 

So seek a divorce and don't let her toy with your mind.... 2 goals for you.

(try contacting a fathers rights group to see what they can offer you as help in this matter)

 

 

 

 

 

My guess her proclaiming she wants more time is so she can just keep a scorecard for public display and to ease her mind of guilt.

 

 

 

 

 

I would call the inlaws directly and ask if they themselves would like to set up visitation with your daughter at this time. Inform them in a nice way that you do want them in her life as it will benefit her. Set up a time with them.

 

Good chance perhaps they are trying to stay out of the middle of this? Or your wife is lying her ass off? Only one way to find out. Ask without pulling them into a confrontation with you.

 

I AGREE WITH THIS. You should communicate with the inlaws directly, so that there would be no misunderstandings between you all. You can not rely on your wife to be truthful about this. She may be trying to avoid her parental responsibilities altogether.

[Roo]

How do I get visitations down on paper? Is it a court thing or just write something out and we both sign it thing?

 

If you live in CT you can file for a legal seperation rather than just a divorce it will legalize your wife's rights/ responsibilites, but if your end goal is a divorce you might as well not pay $$ twice and just start the process, as you ARE facing a problem with the mother/STBEW, and you should protect yourself and your daughter legally.

 

My guess her proclaiming she wants more time is so she can just keep a scorecard for public display and to ease her mind of guilt.

 

ABSA F'n LUTELY - tell her TALK IS CHEAP, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS... This is her flesh and blood figure it out NOW or walk. let me remind you of this...

On another note she told me the other day that our child is only 1 and she doesn't understand what's going on and won't remember any of this anyway. How the hell am I suppose to take that? My daughter doesn't know specifics but she sure as hell knows mommy isn't in the house anymore. I have no clue how this will affect our daughter but I have already seen changes in her behavior so I know it does affect her.

While your daughter might not conciously remember this time in her life there are bonds and a sense of security and wholeness that are developing now that will affect her for the rest of her life, either mom's in our she's out and its not a well kinda sorta.. thing parenting is a %110 job. If she can't really be a parent then take appropriate action to limit your childs exposure to her and stop expecting her to be a parent, expect that while she may legally have the right to visitation etc, that she'll be more like an aunt or a babysitter, someone who your child may feel fondly toward but not have the bond that one should with a parent. The sooner you accept what your wife is and is not capable of giving to your daughter the sooner you'll knoww what you need to do for your daughter.

 

Do your parents live nearby, and her parents are close with you, sounds like she's not lacking for people who do love her and want to care for her, make sure she gets plenty of time with these people esp. the women so she can have that close female bond with someone.

 

ry and get in touch with the in-laws first to verify what is going on? I am leaning toward trying to get in touch with them before calling her. Any idea's as to what to say to my wife when I do call her. I have no problems talking to my in-laws. The relationship has always had the feeling of a true son-parent relationship as opposed to by marriage only.

 

Call them sounds like they are the mature people and the decision makers.

You'll have a better idea what to say to her once you've talked with them.

[robkris8079]

Well I contacted the in-laws. I suggested that the four of us sit down and figure out the weekend visitation. Since it is the in-laws house and my wife was trying to blame them. This way no one can lie because we are all face to face. This is going down tonight at 6:30 pm. When I told my wife this she did not sound too enthused. She actually told me that she told her parents about the baby coming in the morning and they just changed their mind. Either she's lieing again to me or my in-laws are. Considering the track record my money is on my wife for lieing.

 

My in-laws and wife live 1.9 miles down the road from me. They just moved up here from florida in November to be closer to my wife, daughter, me and my brother in law. They had a really good life down there but were missing us so much they figured it wasn't worth it. This is one of the reason's they are so upset by what my wife is doing and our situation. They truly believe they just should have stayed in florida.

 

note: when i say parents in this situation I mean my wifes father and her step mother. My wifes mother lives in Maine.

 

I tried to convince Kristen (my wife) that people love her. She right now truly feels that if you don't agree with what she is doing you don't love her. I would love if she had a lady friend to talk to. The only one is her friend at work but this one has more issues than my wife. Her work friend lives with an abusive BF and her 8 year old daughter. The woman is always meeting new people on the internet and going away for weekends with them. I have seen comments from her to my wife on myspace (root of all evil). It actually appears that this woman has been trying to get my wife to cheat on me for awhile. And on top of that all the comments to my wife about loving her, and best friends for ever appear to me as borderline psycotic. Kristen wants to spend zero time with anyone but her cape cod friends and this work friend. All her family has strong feelings for me and they obviously throw out comments every once in awhile about how she should have stayed with me or we should try and work things out. And I have talked to them and asked them and told them though I do appreciate your thoughts and value your oppinion this is probably not helping my wife in any way. My wife even told me they say those things and that she will probably regret her desicion one day but....I told her if she doesn't want to hear their thoughts on the situation that she should be doing everything she can to get a place of her own before doing anything else.

 

Kristens actions only show me that she is not only immature but she is incapable of taking care of herself. How the hell can she take care of our child. She does give me money towards the childs daycare and insurance and isn't left with much after her cell bill and insurance but she can get a second job. Or look for a better paying one. That is not my problem. It's hers that she brought upon herself all by herself.

[Roo]

Kristens actions only show me that she is not only immature but she is incapable of taking care of herself. How the hell can she take care of our child. She does give me money towards the childs daycare and insurance and isn't left with much after her cell bill and insurance but she can get a second job. Or look for a better paying one. That is not my problem. It's hers that she brought upon herself all by herself.

 

WEll you pretty much said a mouthfull there now didn't ya....

 

I tried to convince Kristen (my wife) that people love her. She right now truly feels that if you don't agree with what she is doing you don't love her. I would love if she had a lady friend to talk to.........................

 

Understood, but it's not your job to fix her anymore as you said at the ed of the post.. it's not your problem it's hers, let her hit bottom, and if and when she wants to help herself, then consider giving her a hand. Until then you just worry about you and the kid... Kudo's for calling the inlaws, now make that appointment for yourself...

[robkris8079]

Understood, but it's not your job to fix her anymore as you said at the ed of the post.. it's not your problem it's hers, let her hit bottom, and if and when she wants to help herself, then consider giving her a hand

 

Nope it definately isn't. I had one lapse where I went to talk to her and help her but I won't do that again. I try and stay strong so much but every once in a while I break. And it seems she has a camera on me because the one second I feel weak she always seems to call. I don't ever answer her calls but this time I did because I wanted her to talk to the vet about our 17 year old cat that needs medical attention. I was at the vet at the time of her call. Just another life she walked out on. Thats another post of mine in the "seperation..." forum if you wanted details on that situation.

 

Keep the comments coming. I probably won't get around to posting again until after the meeting but I will definately be back on in the AM with an update.

[Roo]

Good luck to you Robchris I'l look for your update... please please call and get yourself that appointment.. it'll help you to have someone to let it all out to and remind you of your own reasons to stay strong...

 

your daughter is one lucky little girl her daddy cares for her so!!