consternation Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 I'm unsure of what to do now.... is it ok to ask him round for dinner? Should I take my cue from him?
whichwayisup Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 No, don't see him yet. He "says" he moving out today? Give it afew days or even a week. Let him settle in and have some space. If he really loves you and wants you, he'll wait. Don't be so anxious to run to him. And no, that's not a game - It's called being careful and taking things slowly. Just because he's moving out, that doesn't mean he won't move back home, so that is why I say, take it s-l-o-w....
whichwayisup Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 Actually, why did he send it in an email? Why wouldn't he just call you? Or are you two in NC mode and that is why he reached out to you that way?
Author consternation Posted August 28, 2006 Author Posted August 28, 2006 Yes, we are in no contact mode for about a month, except when his wife rang a couple of weeks ago... the arrangement is that I have agreed to wait until the end of September for him to sort himself out, but NC while he does this. It hasn't been perfect NC, there has been the odd flurry of texts and a few emails. It's been difficult.
Author consternation Posted August 28, 2006 Author Posted August 28, 2006 ps. he did not ask to see me or anything - it was more like he was advising me. Said he had told his Mum, whole family is aware of what's going on and so on.
whichwayisup Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 Then you stick to your guns and see him at the end of September. Don't rush into anything. You know one can't just end a marriage, good or bad and jump into another relationship. If you two want a fair chance, start dating casually and build up the friendship and trust. Don't just jump into bed (not saying you'd do that) and start life together asap.
Author consternation Posted August 28, 2006 Author Posted August 28, 2006 I don't know if I can handle not seeing him until then. It's extremely hard trying to control myself wanting to call him etc. (in fact I did call after the email but there was no answer).
TheWife Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 Do you honestly think he'll ever leave his wife for you? And if he does, what makes you think you can trust him? If he cheated on his W, do you honestly think he won't cheat on you? Get a grip on reality! Do you want to live your life with a man who has proven himself to be a cheat and a liar? My WH kept telling his OW he would leave me for her for the last 2 years while he was having an A. Even after I kicked him out on D-day, he still didn't move in w/her. Good luck on your wishful thinking. Besides, if you have any conscience at all, HOW CAN YOU FIND HAPPINESS AT THE EXPENSE OF SOMEONE ELSE'S MISERY? Think about it.
Author consternation Posted August 28, 2006 Author Posted August 28, 2006 The Wife - you are too idiotic to respond to. Another email from MM... he has moved into hotel. I am glad I have been told what is going on, but obviously all this is something he needs to go through, the mental and emotional processes and decisions etc etc without me being a factor, so I will continue on with my life until he has got through this horrible stage. I had a separation with my partner (who died) for 2 months and it actually helped our relationship... with space the anger and resentment stopped blurring our vision and we got back together. However, we had a child and there had been no affair so I guess the situation is different to that of my MM. It is difficult and a bit of an emotional roller coaster (I mean, even for me, obviously far worse for MM & wife).
stillhere Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 You are doing the right thing, and it is obvious that he loves you and that he wants to be with you. As difficult as it is to sit back, he needs his space and to clear his head. You both know that each will be waiting with open arms. Just think of how much he is loving and missing you as much as you are him. Absence only makes the heart grow fonder! My thoughts are with you Consternation, you will soon forget about all this because he will soon be by your side.
lovernotafighter Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Do you honestly think he'll ever leave his wife for you? And if he does, what makes you think you can trust him? If he cheated on his W, do you honestly think he won't cheat on you? Get a grip on reality! Do you want to live your life with a man who has proven himself to be a cheat and a liar? My WH kept telling his OW he would leave me for her for the last 2 years while he was having an A. Even after I kicked him out on D-day, he still didn't move in w/her. Good luck on your wishful thinking. Besides, if you have any conscience at all, HOW CAN YOU FIND HAPPINESS AT THE EXPENSE OF SOMEONE ELSE'S MISERY? Think about it. Wife I am sorry about your pain...I've been reading your posts and I realise you have recently been devastated by a affair. But you must see many OW here are looking for support not another BS on there soap box telling us how terrible we are for ruining their marriage. yes the OW contributes..but you should be pointing the finger at your husband who took a oath before god to love,honor and obey you... it might make you feel better to attack every OW on this board however they are not your husband or his OW and you hardly know their story's as thumper would say..if you can't say any thing nice don't say anything at all..perhaps you should apply it??
once removed Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 A friend of mine once said "careful what you wish for... you just might get it" I wish you luck, and hope the problems that let him to be a MM cheating does not follow him into your relationship.
Author consternation Posted August 29, 2006 Author Posted August 29, 2006 Hello. Thanks once.. I agree. I don't consider that there is any guarantee to our relationship though - I have no expectations as I think anything could happen. THanks for your encouragement stillhere... I'm just going to take it one day at a time and not get ahead of myself. I really don't think this is a good way to start a relationship to be honest.
Hard2Think Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 I hate to say this, but I told my OW the ame thing when in fact it wasn't really true .. I just wanted desperately to see her again. I'm unsure of what to do now.... is it ok to ask him round for dinner? Should I take my cue from him?
Author consternation Posted August 29, 2006 Author Posted August 29, 2006 That wasn't very nice of you was it H2T.
whichwayisup Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Hey, he's being honest. And it seems (not all ofcouse) afew MM who have posted, have said more or less the same thing...They say what they need to say to keep their OW around. Don't know why that is a big shocker, either. Read his thread in the infidelity section.
Author consternation Posted August 29, 2006 Author Posted August 29, 2006 Yes I've read it. Email from MM last night - he is back home, his wife has moved in with her sister. This makes sense, as he has two adult male relatives living with him so I was thinking it would have been rather uncomfortable for wife to remain living with them with this going on. It's a month now til my deadline.
Hard2Think Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 I doubt that's true. He may be telling the truth, but it's unlikely. I told OW that I was spending the majority of my nights in my dad's old apartment - when in fact I wasn't. He may really love you - but he's probably just coming to the realization of how hard it is to break off from W. I know I wasn't able to. Yes I've read it. Email from MM last night - he is back home, his wife has moved in with her sister. This makes sense, as he has two adult male relatives living with him so I was thinking it would have been rather uncomfortable for wife to remain living with them with this going on. It's a month now til my deadline.
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