DatingQuestions Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 This is happening to me and many of friends, and I actually had guy friends tell me that they do not do the chasing anymore in today's world. It seems as though even if the guy likes the girl, he would rather wait to see if she is interested in him, assuming that the girl would approach him if she is interested. This is all so new to me yet it seems to speak a lot of truth in the dating scene. I think it surely creates a whole lot of tension and confusion as the roles of two genders are switched! What if the girl is old-fashioned like me, and will NEVER pursue a guy? Does it leave me with no future?! I want your opinion on this, both guys and gals!
Craig Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 Nothing has changed. Some girls have been pursuing guys they want since the earth was cooling. I don't understand how it is not OK for a girl to pursue a guy she likes.
stoopid_guy Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 I think the days of men chasing obsessively are over. They show an interest, if it's not returned they go after someone else. Where "hard to get" was a decent strategy for a woman in the past, I wouldn't recommend it now.
superconductor Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 A good man will not chase. An immature man will. The "hard to get" strategy used to have some validity, but good men grew weary of playing the games. Now, a good man is much more likely to be direct and forthright and even expect her to pursue him a bit. It's called "equality," something that the feminist culture has been largely responsible for. If a good man shows interest in a woman and she gives off vibes that she can't be won without a significant amount of chasing, he'll very likely simply write her off and move on to someone who's less apt to play games.
Author DatingQuestions Posted August 28, 2006 Author Posted August 28, 2006 Ok, let me put it this way. Having a man make the first movies, initiating dates and phone calls does not automatically mean that the woman is playing games or hard to get! Men these days just seem to have a tendency to show that he IS interested, then wait it out and see if the girl will approach him, call him up and ask him out. Now that is only if he likes her. If he doesn't like her, I think he will just flat out tell her that he just want to be friends (if he is a good man, of course). This was said to me by at least two of my guy friends. I have never heard about this kind of attitude growing up, ever! Maybe I am just old-fashioned. I think there's nothing WRONG about a girl pursuing someone she likes, and I understand that it happenes a lot before too. However, I DO think men are less willing to position themselves to be vulnerable at first and are slowly being "feminized". You could blame it to the Feminist moves, but men are equally responsible for our changing society.
blind_otter Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 I dunno, maybe it's the group that you hang with. Because IME men do still persue women.
Guest.Gurrl Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 I totally agree with you: Men these days just seem to have a tendency to show that he IS interested, then wait it out and see if the girl will approach him, call him up and ask him out. This is happening in my circle as well, and I am talking about intelligent outgoing grown up men. My man keeps hinting, and I (the girl) have to ask him out. Everytime I have to ask him, his score on my board is dropping. I am so scare that I won't like him anymore. This is killing my passion for him.
shoedevil Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 It seems as though even if the guy likes the girl, he would rather wait to see if she is interested in him, assuming that the girl would approach him if she is interested. This is all so new to me yet it seems to speak a lot of truth in the dating scene. I think it surely creates a whole lot of tension and confusion as the roles of two genders are switched! What if the girl is old-fashioned like me, and will NEVER pursue a guy? Does it leave me with no future?! I think men who are looking for casual sex will chase women. But men who are looking for a real relationship generally won't. I never saw the point in reducing courtship to an outdated game of cat-and-mouse. My now-fiance told some friends that she was interested, and they let me know. I was interested, so I asked her out. Simple and kind of old-fashioned, I guess. Nobody likes to be rejected, expecially if he or she really likes the other person. You may never pursue guys, and that will definitely limit your options, but you have to at least give them a green light somehow.
Author DatingQuestions Posted August 28, 2006 Author Posted August 28, 2006 I think men who are looking for casual sex will chase women. But men who are looking for a real relationship generally won't. What's the logic behind this? So if he is really interested in a girl and think she's got potential to develope a relationship with, then he will just sits back and do nothing? Can someone explain? I thought men are not supposed to be this confusing.
shoedevil Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 What's the logic behind this? So if he is really interested in a girl and think she's got potential to develope a relationship with, then he will just sits back and do nothing? Can someone explain? I thought men are not supposed to be this confusing. Well, I was just giving my opinion. From what I've observed, men who are looking for casual sex view women as sex objects; men who are looking for a relationship view women as potential partners. As such, rejection from an object is far less damaging to the ego than rejection from a real person you are seriously interested in. I don't believe the men you are talking about just sit back and do nothing, but as I said, there must be some green light (either subtle or direct) to encourage them to take the initiative. Maybe you could clarify what you mean by chasing?
lonelybird Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Everytime I have to ask him, his score on my board is dropping Same for me. If the man wait for me to take the lead, I would loose respect for him. and man accept every pretty girl come up to him is a big turn-off too. I think "wait them make a move" is good, you can sort out the man who have less interests in you, but same time you give out some signal that you like them
Recommended Posts