once removed Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 My story, how it all began. I was married over 10 years ago. I spent years and years and years trying to get though to my husband. Trying to make my marriage work with no avail. He shows no feeling to me expect contempt. So about 5 years ago I started talking to an old friend (my first love) on IM. At first it was completely innocent. I was trying to help talk him though the problems in his marriage. Even giving him advice on how he could save it. Somewhere along the road I fell for him. He asked for my heart I gave it to him. He asked for me to drop all my emotional walls. I did. We planed a future together. We had but one rule, 100% honesty 100% of the time. Yes, I know how dare I plan a future when I’m still married? And why did I stay in a marriage where I was not wanted. I have two reasons my kids. I needed to make sure I could take care of them regardless. Well I am finally in the home stretch. The end of this emotional torment I have been living. And then the other shoe drops. The MM I’ve been having an emotional affair tells me he’s been having a real life affair for the 2 years. OUCH… He is running off with another MW. I feel like such a fool. I’m hurt and want to scream, yell, cry. I want to feel sorry for myself but how can I after all I’m a hypocrite. How can I be a heart broken MW over a MM who is having a r/l affair with a MW. So any advice? Should I try to emotionally try to check back into a marriage with a man I know I can not count on? Do I go on with my plan to move on and take this as a learned lesion? I just really hurts and sucks And feel free to tell me I’m an idiot lol trust me I’ve been saying that for days
Roo Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 Based on what you said there I'd say move on, do you really need to be with someone else to leave a man who's not really with you to begin with? Do yourself and your children a favor and find a way to fulfill yourselfl, with or without a man. Someday you'll find one who deserves you.
Author once removed Posted August 28, 2006 Author Posted August 28, 2006 Thank you, I don't know why such simple words can my me cry but I guess my feeling are still to raw.
lovernotafighter Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 Once Removed. You have to make that move for you and your children..if you are leaving solely to be with MM then it was a mistake from the get go. I am separated from my husband and seeking a divorce..my MM was the catalyst for that but only to the extent that I now know what I want and have been missing from my life.. the kind of love I want and deserve..MM helped me feel again and I'll always be grateful to him for that. I offered my MM to join me..he isn't and that's his choice...however he has freed me from my prison with a loveless marriage that I was holding on to for everyone elses sake but my own..I haven't been happy in well over 5 years...should I make make it 10 more? hell no. when you are happy again you will find what you need because you won't be looking ,it will find you..be drawn to you because your living a life well lived..do whats best for your spirit and your children...remember they know when the home life is hallow,think about the situation from there stand point? would you want mommy to stay or go?
Roo Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 AMEN to that!!! I do not know how old your children are but the very best thing you can do for them is to be a good role model, and... Good role model does not necessarily = Married to Daddy... Good role model means - someone who is self-confident, and self-fulfilled. Find your inner strength, go out there and get what you want out of life, for if you want it bad enough there is little worth having that you cannot achive. Big hugs... I feel for you but hold your head high... There are no real mistakes in life if you remember to take with you the lesson.
lovernotafighter Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 the lesson! thats totally what I think as well...life is all about lessons..its what you take from life and the stuff life is and apply it in a positive way..learn and grow from it.. life hurts sometimes but is how we learn..when you burn your hand, you avoid burning it in the future, many things in life are the same. I also agree Roo that parents are role models and many children in loveless marriages end up having the same kind of lives as the parents..they find it is exceptable. my parents divorced when I was 9..at the time I was confused but looking back with adult eyes I think they should have divorced much sooner and I am very glad that they are both happy people with new lives now..I much rather see them happy than together.
Author once removed Posted August 28, 2006 Author Posted August 28, 2006 The funny thing about it all is the plan to remove myself from my marriage did go into place before I had even started talking to the MM. So why no in my time of hurt am I wonder if I should check back into my marriage. Because I feel guilty that I checked out in the first place. I didn’t see what was going on for what it really was, it was ok in my mind because it was computer land, it was an EA. But now I see how deep I let myself go into this fantasy. How much I believed in it. And a little back history, this is not the first time Mr. MM has made me feel like my whole world has shatters. He was a BF when I was 17. He broke my heart then by cheating on me time and time again. So I sit and kick myself for believing it would be different I forgive him though and I forgive me. Let the healing begin… He is right I do deserve better! I deserve better than both of them Thank you for your support to know I’m not the only one feeling this helps a lot. May non of us ever feel this way again that is my hope LOL I"m to old to be living this type of drama in my life. And your right, kids first... I don't want either of my kids to xp any of what I have been going though with either of those men
lovernotafighter Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 I'm glad to hear you are ready to start healing and are thinking positively that is defiantly the first step to recovery. I at one point did feel I was jaded by my MM and wrote my self a letter to open in 6 months that if this and that were the same after working on it that I had to move on from my marriage. I did try and things got worse not better..this was after my H asked me to stay with him and we both were to work on a loving relationship. I handed him the letter and he felt bad but agreed,that it just isn't going work out. we are working on our home to sell and it's ready in the mean time he wanted to prove all these things to me..I gave him my blessing..but I am not convinced and I don't believe I'm gonna be. I looked up something interesting you might want to read about..it is called 'walk away wife syndrome' I had my husband read it and he was shocked..but it described our situation perfectly..the thing is what lead you to the EA in the first place...because your marriage was falling apart or beyond repair. and if that's the case it will probably happen again, isn't better to leave and have a relationship free of guilt? a relationship where you have equal appreciation and love for each other? in my letter I wrote the good things and bad things and why I should stay and why I should go..in the place of why I should stay or good things..they had 0 to do with me..that was huge eye opener. I don't want this to happen again and I have to go...defiantly things for you think about. I wish you the best of luck..your stronger than you might think
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