Author Roo Posted August 29, 2006 Author Posted August 29, 2006 Nora - Harriet Lerner who is a psychologist wrote a series of books (of which I'm reading my 4th?? 5th??) anyway they are the dance of.... Anger, Intimacy, connection, deception, and the Mother Dance (she's got a couple more if you google her I'm sure) I get them cheap and used off e-bay but they are GREAT books!he "Dance of______" Books by Harriet Lerner. Here's the basic premis... YOU CANNOT AND WILL NOT EVER CHANGE ANYONE BUT YOURSELF, but... here's the upside, relationships are like dances when you change your part in the dance eventually your partner will have to as well. Initially when you make changes the seemingly bad behavior will likely get worse... why?? Because people get comfortable with things they way they are, even if they really do desire change, initially it makes them uneasy and they push you to "change back" You have to stick it out, and you have to honor the SELF, your SELF. You have to make choices that honor your needs, do not waste your time or energy trying to fix him. thats what I had posted elsewhere... if that helps I LOVE them they are GREAT books!
norajane Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Nora - Harriet Lerner who is a psychologist wrote a series of books (of which I'm reading my 4th?? 5th??) anyway they are the dance of.... Anger, Intimacy, connection, deception, and the Mother Dance (she's got a couple more if you google her I'm sure) I get them cheap and used off e-bay but they are GREAT books! thats what I had posted elsewhere... if that helps I LOVE them they are GREAT books! Terrific, thank you!
Author Roo Posted August 29, 2006 Author Posted August 29, 2006 Hello Roo, good to meet you also. Just go to my first ever post, its why I came here and my thread in the personal rant section titled "Thinking" is what its about. Try this link for my first post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t86081/ I also think it was Becoming that mentioned the "Dance of books" if my memory is any good, I remember the thread. Anyways enjoy your stay. I seee.. looks like it was a short thread.... glad to hear you are doing better now!!
Becoming Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 I'm happily committed. Married 25 years happily for most of them, though who doesn't have problems? I started coming to LS when I was trying to deal with recovering from child abuse issues that set destructive patterns and ways of dealing with the world. And I'm hooked.
ash8752 Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 I dont know how long i have been on here. A few months i think. I am very happily commited! I started coming here because I was very insecure (still am a bit) and i needed advice. Things have gotten better too which i am sure my SO notices. Sometimes we need people who dont know us personally to give there advice. I am now addicted and love to try and give my 2 cents to others.
Sally00 Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 I'm happily committed. I've been friends with my bf for over a year and now we've been dating for over 7 months. We always talk about the future. We're practically engaged. And I'm here to give advice and when I have a "problem," I also ask for advice. It's mostly something that isn't a big deal at all... not enough to talk to family and friends about... but just some little thing I like to see what other people do or what not.
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